A Powerful Lesson on Unconditional Love and How to Raise Happy Children

“A must for every family library.”—USA Today

This collection of essays offers a gentle guide on how to put your love into daily actions. A parent’s calling is to raise a person. By making loving actions part of your life, you have the power to build the kind of family unit most people long for. Wonderful Ways to Love a Child is filled with true stories of parents and children who are nurturing strong and loving families. The book provides the support that empowers you to be the parent you want to be and expands your parenting skills.

No simple tricks. Cultivating a loving relationship with your child demands integrity, compassion, and emotional honesty. It is a forever commitment to continuous loving actions–even when you are too tired. This low-stress approach to positive parenting produces children with high self-esteem. This is how children succeed.

A perfect gift for new parents. Wonderful Ways to Love a Child is a prescription to strengthen family bonds that will last a lifetime. There are many different parenting styles–this one is based in love and logic, and positive discipline. Learn to put yourselves in your children’s shoes–and have fun in the process.

In this book you’ll discover guides to:

• Loving yourself and allowing your child to love themselves
• Giving the gift of your presence and being open to the miracle of transformation
• Saying yes as often as possible, and knowing when to say no
• Teaching that all feelings are acceptable and making room for the Crankies
• Delighting in silliness by laughing, dancing and singing together
• Teaching values by example
• Other essential tools to ensure a loving, lasting friendship with your children–and make them want to come visit when they are older

Speak Kindly

Like adults, children respond well to kindness. While what you say and the tone of your voice indicates how you are feeling, your child will interpret your words and tone as direct messages about his own self-worth. So speak gently and kindly, and your children will listen. There's no need to sound like an old shrew to get their attention.

Stop yelling. Shouting at children or to your spouse creates tension in the air, bad vibes around the house, and noise pollution in your head. It is not a good idea. Don't preach, nag, lecture, or pontificate either. Stop all the harping and blaming. Drop all criticism both direct or disguised. Don't bully, scream, call names, or threaten. For some of us, this is much easier to say than to do. We grew up in families that screamed and shrieked, blamed, and poked fun at one another, so it feels almost natural to do it. I suggest to parents with that kind of history that they stop before the harsh words come out and ask themselves, “If this child were me, how would I like to be spoken to?”

Maggie was worried sick when Joel, eight years old, who was supposed to be playing at the neighbor's, could not be found. She searched high and low, called everyone, and yelled for him. By the time he came walking up the street two hours later, she was in tears. She was so relieved she wanted to hug him, scold him, take him in her arms, and threaten him so he would never do that again. Wisely, instead she gently took his hand, walked silently for a block, and then asked, “Where were you, Joel?”

“Didn't you get the message on the answering machine?” he replied. “Ben's dad took us to play basketball. We saw a dog get hit by a car and took it to the vet.”

She listened quietly as Joel told the story in great detail, sometimes fighting back his tears. She was so glad that she had held her tongue before she spoke, and so glad she had listened instead of talking so much as she sometimes did. When she got home, sure enough, just as she had taught him to do, there were two messages on the machine, letting her know what was happening.

When you find yourself becoming overwrought, take time to unwind—go for a walk or call a friend. Clear your head first, then, when you're ready, talk things over. Remember, every interaction has tremendous potential to hurt or heal, to wound or inspire. And in the midst of chaos your simple act of kindness can turn their day and yours around.

Contents

Foreword
Parenting with Loving Actions

Essence
Really Love Yourself
Allow Them to Love Themselves
Learn About Parenting
Handle with Care
Give Your Presence
Listen from Your Heart
Speak Kindly
Encourage, Encourage
Try to Understand
Answer Their Questions
Ask Their Opinions
Learn from Them
Say Yes as Often as Possible
Say No When Necessary
Honor Their Noes
Celebrate Mistakes
Admit Your Mistakes
Touch Gently
Teach That All Feelings Are Acceptable
Speak to Their True Feelings
Let Them Cry
Don't Hide Your Tears
Make Room for the Crankies and the Quarrels
Teach Values by Example
Honor Their Differences
Share Your Dreams

Expressions
Change Your Routine
Laugh, Dance, and Sing Together
Call Them Love Names
Send Them Love Letters
Build Lots of Blanket Forts
Fly Kites Together
Lighten Up
Take Time Away
Read Books Aloud
Create a Circle of Quiet
Play Hooky Together
Walk in the Rain
Go Barefoot
Frame Their Art and Hang It on the Wall
Stay Up Late Together
Delight in Silliness
Splash a Lot
Giggle
Keep Messes in Perspective
Enjoy Dinner Together
Brag About Them
Generate Family Festivals
Thank Them for the Little Things

Esprit
Focus on the Joy They Bring
Believe in Possibilities
Open Up to the Miracle of Transformation
Remember That They Have Not Been on the Earth Very Long
Marvel at How They Are Growing
Let Them Help
Cherish the Innocence
Listen for the Spiritual Language
Build Family-Friendly Neighborhoods
Let Go When It's Time
Let Them Come Back
Show Them Compassion and Ask for Theirs
Protect All Our Children
Keep Them in Your Hearts and in Your Prayers

About the Author