Rebuilding , livre ebook
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English
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2016
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201
pages
English
Ebook
2016
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Obtenez un accès à la bibliothèque pour le consulter en ligne En savoir plus
Publié par
Date de parution
01 novembre 2016
Nombre de lectures
0
EAN13
9781626258266
Langue
English
Poids de l'ouvrage
1 Mo
In print for thirty-five years, Rebuilding is the number one trusted resource on divorce recovery. Now, this classic self-help book is available in an updated fourth edition, featuring a new introduction by coauthor Robert Alberti.
If you are going through a painful breakup or divorce, you may feel like the life you once knew is crashing down around you. You need help to gather the pieces and “rebuild” yourself from the ground up. Rebuilding features Bruce Fisher’s “divorce process rebuilding blocks,” a proven-effective, nineteen-step process for putting one’s life back together after divorce.
Now the most widely-used approach to divorce recovery, the “rebuilding” model makes the process healthier and less traumatic for those who are divorcing or divorced—and their children. Over two decades of research and practice are combined with feedback from hundreds of thousands of men and women who have used the book on their own, or in one of thousands of Fisher divorce recovery seminars worldwide.
This book also includes Fisher’s detailed Healing Separation model—the first of its kind to offer couples a healing alternative to the usual slide from separation to divorce. This fourth edition, revised with the assistance of psychologist and marriage and family therapist Robert Alberti, continues Bruce’s tradition of straight-to-the-heart response to the needs of his clients and readers.
If you’ve been struggling to rebuild your life after a divorce, this book offers just the right balance of shoulder-to-cry-on and kick-in-the-pants self-help!
Publié par
Date de parution
01 novembre 2016
Nombre de lectures
0
EAN13
9781626258266
Langue
English
Poids de l'ouvrage
1 Mo
“One of the best books written for the divorcing person…warm, engaging.”
— the Behavior Therapist
“Deals with the everyday feelings and problems of the divorcing and divorced…hits just the right balance between seriousness and optimism.”
— Florence Kaslow, PhD , Journal of Marital and Family Therapy
“A handbook for the divorcing and divorced that is authentic and which they can employ in the rebuilding of their own lives.”
— Esther Oshiver Fisher, JD , Journal of Divorce
“Warm, simple, and direct…this is a book you will not want to put down.”
— A.R.E. Press
“I found the book comforting, helpful, and realistic— it is going to hurt, and it will not be easy, but you can do it.”
— Marilyn Anita Dalrymple , Affaire de Coeur
“If you’re putting your life back together after a divorce, you need this book! It could be just what you’re looking for to help you get your life back on track. I found it to be very interesting and informative.”
— Jeanette Wright , Borger News- Herald
“Shows you how to move from denial to freedom and even another love.”
— Jann Mitchell , The Sunday Oregonian
“Exactly what you need to help put your life back together during and after a divorce.”
— Divorce Magazine
“Fisher and Alberti accompany you on your journey of recovery as they teach you in plain English how to move forward after the ending of an important love relationship. They are like Sherpas guiding you through the difficult mountain passes and over the perilous ravines. With kindness and optimism, they help you find your way.”
— Jeff Zimmerman, PhD, ABPP , psychologist and coauthor of Adult Children of Divorce and The Co- Parenting Survival Guide
“If you’re suffering following a divorce or breakup, this outstanding book should be at the top of your reading list! Rebuilding combines compassionate insights with practical suggestions for finding healing.”
— Mark S. Rye, PhD , professor of psychology at Skidmore College, and coauthor of The Divorce Recovery Workbook
Publisher’s Note
This publication is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information in regard to the subject matter covered. It is sold with the understanding that the publisher is not engaged in rendering psychological, financial, legal, or other professional services. If expert assistance or counseling is needed, the services of a competent professional should be sought.
Distributed in Canada by Raincoast Books
Copyright © 2016 by Bruce Fisher and Robert Alberti
Impact Publishers
An imprint of New Harbinger Publications, Inc.
5674 Shattuck Avenue
Oakland, CA 94609
www.newharbinger.com
Cover design by Amy Shoup
All Rights Reserved
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data on file
This book is dedicated to…
… the thousands of people who, while I was attempting to teach them in the rebuilding classes, taught me much of what I’ve written in this book;
… my children, Rob, Todd, and Sheila, who often, through their love, gave me more reality, feedback, and truth than I was ready to hear;
… my parents, Bill and Vera, because the more I understand life, families, and myself, the more I appreciate the gifts of life and love they gave me; and
… my wife, Nina, who, with her love, often gave me what I needed instead of what I wanted.
Finally, a word of thanks to my coauthor, editor, and publisher, Bob Alberti, who helped it turn out the way I wanted it to.
— Bruce Fisher (1931– 1998)
… my parents, Carita and Sam, who showed me— long before I had any formal training in psychology— that divorce, while painful, can be a growth experience for adults and children, and that we all can be healthier and happier at the end of the day; and
… Bruce, who showed us all how to make that happen.
— Bob Alberti
Acknowledgments
Contents
Acknowledgments
Foreword
Introduction to the Fourth Edition
Chapter 1: The Rebuilding Blocks
Chapter 2: Denial
Chapter 3: Fear
Chapter 4: Adaptation
Chapter 5: Loneliness
Chapter 6: Friendship
Chapter 7: Guilt/Rejection
Chapter 8: Grief
Chapter 9: Anger
Chapter 10: Letting Go
Chapter 11: Self- Worth
Chapter 12: Transition
Chapter 13: Openness
Chapter 14: Love
Chapter 15: Trust
Chapter 16: Relatedness
Chapter 17: Sexuality
Chapter 18: Singleness
Chapter 19: Purpose
Chapter 20: Freedom
Appendix A: Kids Are Tougher Than You Think
Appendix B: The Healing Separation
Appendix C: Contract for a Healing Separation
Appendix D: Rebuilding Blocks for Widows and Widowers
Resources
This fourth edition of Rebuilding is the first for which I am no longer the “editor and publisher.” My excellent team at New Harbinger Publications—copy editor Cindy Nixon, editorial manager Clancy Drake, and acquisitions manager Tesilya Hanauer— have made the transition from “editor” to “edited” much easier and more pleasant than I would have imagined. They showed me just how much we could improve the book after three successful editions and over a million copies. I, along with you readers of this edition, owe them many thanks!
Foreword
Virginia M. Satir, MSW
Divorce is a metaphorical surgery that affects all areas of life of the individual. I have often said that the roots of divorce are in the circumstances and hopes at the time of marriage. Many, many, many people marry with the idea that life is going to be better. Perhaps only a fool would enter into marriage thinking that would not be the case. The depth of disappointment at the time of divorce will depend upon how much more one wants to get out of life or how much more one feels it necessary to add someone to one’s life to make life worthwhile.
For many people, divorce is a broken experience, and before they can go on with their lives, they need to be able to pick up the pieces. This period often includes deep emotional feelings of despair, disappointment, revenge, retaliation, hopelessness, and helplessness. People need to develop a whole new orientation to the life that will come. And they need time to mourn what was hoped and to realize that the hope will not manifest itself.
Many books on divorce talk only about the problems. Of course, there are the injury to the ego, diminished feeling of self- worth, constant nagging questions about what went wrong, and many fears about the future. Dr. Fisher has given us a very practical and useful framework within which to examine the grief period, to take a look at where one is, and to determine directions for the future. He offers step- by -step guides to getting oneself in a position to enjoy the life that comes after the divorce. He presents it as a period in which one can learn from the past, get to know oneself better, and also develop new parts of the self that were previously unknown. An apt analogy would be that of the convalescence which occurs after any kind of surgery.
The emotional levels one needs to work through during and following divorce are very much parallel to the stages one goes through at the time of death. At first, there is a denial of the events that have taken place and a consequent feeling of wanting to isolate oneself from the whole situation. Then anger, wherein one blames someone else for one’s predicament. The third level is bargaining; a kind of situation in which one wants to look at the ledger to see that things are equal. This is often manifest in the custody of children and property settlements at the time of divorce. Then comes a period of depression, which is where much self-hatred, self- blame, and feelings of failure are present. Finally, after all of this, one comes to acceptance of the situation and acceptance of the self. Out of this comes hope for what can happen.
I believe Bruce Fisher’s book makes it possible for people to work through these various levels, stage by stage. It is important to give this rebuilding period the time it needs, to awaken parts of the self that have been paralyzed, repressed, or unknown. Let each self— in this case, the divorced person— come into the next part of life with hope rather than failure!
Menlo Park, California
September 1980
Editor’s Note: Virginia Satir (1916– 1988) was one of the most well- loved and highly respected contributors to the field of marriage and family therapy. She was recognized as a founder of family systems theory. Her many books, including her best seller Peoplemaking , were influential in establishing the framework for family therapy and they constitute a major component of the foundation of the profession as it is currently practiced. Ms. Satir wrote this foreword for the first edition of Rebuilding .
Introduction to the Fourth Edition
Robert E. Alberti, PhD
As you begin to read this book, you’re probably smarting from the recent end of a love affair. Perhaps you were married for many years. Or you may have been in a committed relationship without the endorsement of church or state. You may have children, or not. You may have initiated the breakup, or you may have received a terse text message. Your ex- partner may have been a wonderful person, or a jerk.
Whatever your own story, right now, it hurts like hell.
We know how overwhelming it seems, but you can work your way through the difficult and painful process of recovering from the loss of a love relationship. It’s not easy, and it won’t happen overnight. But you can do it. Rebuilding: When Your Relationship Ends will show you how, with a proven nineteen- step process that has helped more than a million readers to recover and rebuild their lives after enduring the pain of a divorce, breakup, or loss of a love partner.
Again and again, we’ve heard from
