Healing the Trauma of Domestic Violence , livre ebook

213

pages

English

Ebooks

0001

Écrit par
Mari McCaig , S. Kubany Edward

Publié par
New Harbinger Publications

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213

pages

English

Ebooks

0001

Lire un extrait

Obtenez un accès à la bibliothèque pour le consulter en ligne En savoir plus

Publié par

New Harbinger Publications

Date de parution

01 janvier 0001

Nombre de lectures

EAN13

9781608823673

Langue

English

Poids de l'ouvrage

1 Mo

Many women who free themselves from violent domestic situations experience symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) long after they achieve physical and emotional safety. A ringing telephone or a crowded city street threatens a potential encounter with their abuser. People they care for seem far away, and things they used to enjoy offer neither pleasure nor relief. Their long, sleepless nights drag on.

If you’ve freed yourself from an abusive relationship but still suffer from its effects, this program of trauma recovery techniques can help you take back your peace of mind. Based on a clinically proven set of techniques called cognitive trauma therapy (CTT), the exercises in this workbook will help you address feelings of guilt, anger, depression, anxiety, and stress. You''ll learn how to break down the negative thoughts that might be cycling in your mind and how to replace them with positive, constructive affirmations. Later in the program, you''ll be guided through controlled exposure to abuse reminders, which will enable you to face the fears you might otherwise spend a lifetime avoiding. The program begins and ends with techniques for becoming your own best advocate—an informed, confident person with all the strength you need to create the secure, fulfilling life you deserve.

•Recognize the effects of trauma on your life
•Let go of anger, stress, shame, and guilt
•Change core beliefs that can lead to involvement in abusive relationships
•Confront and overcome your fears
•Dispel feelings of helplessness
•Avoid future involvement with potential abusers

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Publié par

New Harbinger Publications

Date de parution

01 janvier 0001

Nombre de lectures

EAN13

9781608823673

Langue

English

Poids de l'ouvrage

1 Mo

Abnormal psychology Sociologie, société et politique

Publisher’s Note This publication is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information in regard to the subject matter covered. It is sold with the understanding that the publisher is not engaged in rendering psychological, financial, legal, or other professional services. If expert assis tance or counseling is needed, the services of a competent professional should be sought.

Distributed in Canada by Raincoast Books

Cover design by Amy Shoup Cover image: Creatas Edited by Brady Kahn Text design by Tracy Marie Carlson

PDF ISBN: 9781608823673

New Harbinger Publications’ Web site address: www.newharbinger.com

Acknowledgments

Introduction

Contents

CHAPTER 1 What Is PTSD and Do You Have It?

CHAPTER 2 SelfAdvocacy: An Overview and Initial SelfAssessment

CHAPTER 3 Is Anger Worth the Hangover? Strategies for Letting Go

CHAPTER 4 Feel Better by Changing the Way You Talk to Yourself

CHAPTER 5 The Power of Nonnegative Thinking

Healing the Trauma of Domestic Violence

CHAPTER 6 Managing Stress by Controlling Muscle Tension

CHAPTER 7 Why PTSD Persists and a Path to Your Recovery

CHAPTER 8 Overcoming the Attitude That You’re Overwhelmed or Have No Power

CHAPTER 9 Everything You Ever Wanted to Know about Guilt but Were Afraid to Ask

CHAPTER 10 How to Get Rid of Your Guilt

CHAPTER 11 “Supposed to” Beliefs That Lead Women to Stay or Go Back

CHAPTER 12 Assertiveness,

Aggressiveness, and How to Take the High Road

CHAPTER 13 Managing Contacts with Former Partners

CHAPTER 14 Overcoming Fear by Exposure to Harmless Reminders

CHAPTER 15 How to Identify Potential Perpetrators

CHAPTER 16 SelfAdvocacy Review: How Have You Changed?

References

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Acknowledgments

We wish to acknowledge all the battered women we have ever worked with. Without their courage to confront their issues and willingness to educate us, this book could never have been written. We also wish to thank the many individuals who read drafts of the chapters and gave us helpful feedback. We especially want to acknowledge Saoirse McCaig, Belinda Kubany, Maile Monroe, and Reb Bellinger for their input and support. We are particularly indebted to Tyler Ralston, who critically read all the chapters and provided a wealth of cre ative and constructive suggestions.

Introduction

This book was written for you if you are suffering from the aftereffects of having been physi cally and/or psychologically abused by your husband, boyfriend, or other intimate partner. These aftereffects include symptoms that may continue long after you have left an abusive relationship. Examples of some of these symptoms include heart palpitations or breaking into a cold sweat when you see violence on TV waking up in a state of panic from dreams of being chased by your abuser cleaning obsessively to avoid thinking about the abuse not answering the phone because you think it might be your abuser not taking pleasure in activities you used to enjoy not feeling close to anyone not being able to walk down the street without looking around and worrying that you will run into your abuser not being able to get more than four or five hours sleep, and not restful sleep at that trying to read and finding yourself stuck on the same page for twenty minutes yelling at the kids for little things

Healing the Trauma of Domestic Violence

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feeling guilty that the children witnessed the abuse or are being deprived of their father

feeling guilty about not having been able to get your partner to change

feeling guilty about not having broken off the relationship sooner

These aftereffects are quite predictable and often occur as a collection of symptoms called posttraumatic stress disorder, or PTSD. This book is intended primarily for women who were previously abused by an intimate partner but are now safely out of the relationship. The book may also be helpful for women suffering from posttraumatic stress related to another kind of traumatization—including rape, incest, serious accidents, or the sudden, unexpected death of a loved one. We are aware that intimate partner abuse can and does occur in samesex relationships as well as in heterosexual relationships. In fact, we have conducted cognitive trauma therapy with several clients who were abused by a samesex partner. For ease of communication, however, we always refer to the perpetrator as “he” or “him” and the victim or survivor as “she” or “her.” Finally, this book may also be useful for victim services providers in their work with battered women. The exercises in this workbook can be easily adapted for use in a group format, in support groups, or at shelters for battered women.

What Does It Mean to Say That a Woman Has Been Battered? A woman is considered to be a battered woman if she was traumatized by physical violence (or threat of violence) and/or psychological abuse by her husband, boyfriend, or other romantic partner. To betraumatizedmeans that a person has experienced an intensely negative emotional reaction during a stressful event (American Psychiatric Association 1994). Hence, a woman is a battered woman if she experienced intense fear, helplessness, or horror during violence or abuse by an intimate partner. The intensity of the reaction to the violence is very important because only stressful events that evoke extremely strong negative reactions are likely to produce chronic depression and longterm stress reactions, as in PTSD (American Psychiatric Association 1994). Most battered women with partner abuse–related PTSD have been traumatized by repeated acts of physical violence. Many of these women have also been traumatized by acts of psychological abuse, including death threats; stalking; sex abuse or coercion to have unwanted types of sex; kidnappings; physical restraint; badgering; harassment or repeated pressure to engage in a variety of unwanted behaviors; verbal cruelty; mistreatment of pets; financial control; property damage; and social isolation. In fact, some women are traumatized and develop PTSD in response to psychological abuse even if there has been no physical violence in the relationship. In our

Introduction

treatmentoutcome study with 125 battered women, 9 women with partner abuse–related PTSD had not been physically abused by their intimate partners but had been terrorized and traumatized in other ways (Kubany et al. 2004). Among these nine women, seven had been threatened with death or serious bodily harm, five had been stalked, and three had been sexually abused by their partners.

Are Men Also Battered? Unfortunately, many people, including many police officers, think that domestic violence is a mutual kind of thing, where both husbands and wives contribute to the violence and are equally affected or unaffected. And maybe it is mutually reciprocal when most couples fight verbally or where physical aggression is very limited or mild (such as rare instances of push ing, holding, or throwing of objects). But this is not the case in truly abusive relationships, where men purposely use threats, verbal abuse, physical violence, and their strength to con trol their partners. For example, if the police respond to a complaint of domestic violence and see blood on both the husband and his wife when they arrive at the door, it isnotthe same! The woman may be hysterical and appear out of control (because she is terrified), whereas the man is often calmer (because he is not afraid) and may even appear rational to the police. Unfortunately, the husband’s and wife’s demeanors may give the police the impression that the woman is the primary aggressor. In fact, women are likely to be terrified and horrified when they are abused by their partners, but men are rarely traumatized when their wives fight back. Going back to the definition ofbattered,relatively few men are battered because rela tively few men experience intense fear, helplessness, or horror in response to physical aggression by their wives or girlfriends. Most men are bigger than their female partners, do not get frightened if their wives or girlfriends become aggressive, and do not feel helpless or out of control, because they know they can stop their partner’s violence by physically restraining her or by escalating their aggression toward her. In addition, men are much more likely than women to utilize aggression as a way of dominating and controlling their partner in the relationship. Women are much more likely to utilize aggression to fight back or as a way of defending themselves. We conducted a study at a substance abuse treatment program which illustrates that men and women do not engage in the same kind of partner aggression and are affected or impacted differently by the aggression (Tremayne and Kubany 1998). Many of the men as well as the women in this program indicated that they had been slapped, punched, or other wise physically hurt by an intimate partner. However, this is where the similarity ended. Compared to the men, women were far more likely to have been threatened with death or serious bodily harm by an intimate partner



women were far more likely to have been stalked by an intimate partner

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