A Volcano in My Tummy , livre ebook

A Volcano In My Tummy
Helping Children to Handle Anger
A Resource Book for Parents, Caregivers and Teachers
Warwick Pudney and liane Whitehouse

New Society Publishers
Cataloging in Publication Data:
A catalog record for this publication is available from the National Library of Canada.
Copyright © 1996 by Warwick Pudney and Éliane Whitehouse.
All rights reserved.
Cover design by Warren Clarke.
Printed in Canada.
Twenty first printing July 2011.
ISBN: 978-0-86571-349-9
First published in New Zealand by the Foundation for Peace Studies Aotearoa, P.O. Box 4110, Auckland, New Zealand, 1994. The Foundation is dedicated to a world without war, and a human race that deliberately chooses reason and negotiation instead of violence and coercion. To this end, it publishes books, works in schools, runs workshops, seminars and conferences, and designs practical programs for learners of all ages to help them change their behavior.
The authors gratefully acknowledge the assistance of the following: Allan King; Colin Whitehouse; John Buckland; Yvonne Duncan; Wendy John; Jim Halliday, and Marion Hancock of the Peace Foundation; Felicity Carter; George Baxter; Paradigm; the schools that trialled this program and, in particular, the staff and pupils of Birdwood School and Colwill School in West Auckland for their valuable feedback; Harper & Collins Publishers; Chatto & Windus Publishers; The Methodist Mission, especially Nola, Acelyn & Silika; and Diana Mumford of Pacific Edge Publishing, Gabriola Island, BC, for her revisions for the North American edition.
Inquiries regarding requests to reprint all or part of A Volcano In My Tummy should be addressed to New Society Publishers at the address below.
To order directly from the publishers, please call toll-free (North America) 1-800-567-6772, or order online at www.newsociety.com
Any other inquiries can be directed by mail to:
New Society Publishers
P.O. Box 189, Gabriola Island, BC V0R 1X0, Canada
250-247-9737
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To download printable versions of the worksheets featured in this book please visit:
https://tinyurl.com/VolcanoTummy-Worksheets
Contents Introduction Key Concepts The Anger Rules Especially for Parents and Caregivers Building Children’s Self Esteem What Can Adults Do When A Child Is Angry? A One-to-One Anger Management Program Troubleshooting Especially For Teachers Curriculum Integration Running a Staff Meeting About Anger Bibliography Lessons 1 A VOLCANO IN MY TUMMY Worksheet: Do You Have A Volcano In Your Tummy or Explosions In Your Head? 2 BOTTLING ANGER Worksheet: Bottling Anger 3 ARE YOU A VOLCANO? Worksheet: Are You A Volcano? 4 THE ANGER RULES 5 DIRTY ANGER/CLEAN ANGER Worksheet: Clean Anger Is Healthy 6 CRAIG’S ANGRY DAY Craig’s Angry Day 7 THE INSIDE STORY The Inside Story 8 TECHNOPARENT Technoparent Worksheet: Technoparent 9 TIME OUT Worksheet: Time Out 10 SAFE WAYS OF GETTING ANGRY Worksheet: Safe Ways of Getting Angry 11 CREATIVE ANGER 12 TENSION SCALE Worksheet: What Lit the Fuse? 13 MAGIC Worksheet: Want Some Magic To Help You? 14 ROLE PLAYING Role Playing Scenarios 15 THE FOUR LEVELS OF MUSCLE The Four Levels of Muscle Worksheet: Using Your Muscles 16 SHIELDS Worksheet: Shields 17 KALMIC AND THE ANGRY ALIEN Kalmic and the Angry Alien Worksheet: Debrief 18 COLD WATER WORDS Worksheet: Cold Water Words 19 GRUDGE JAR 20 ANGER VOCABULARY Worksheet: Word Search One Worksheet: Word Search Two Worksheet: Crossword Solutions 21 SWEARING Worksheet: What Do You do When You Want To Swear? 22 PROBLEM SOLVING Worksheet: Play Your Own Problem Solving Video 23 AGGROSCENARIO! Worksheet: Aggroscenario 24 ANGER IN THE WORLD 25 WE CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE Worksheet: We Can Make A Difference
Introduction
My brother said I hit him, but I didn’t. My father growled at me. I got mad at my Dad. When I get angry it’s like I’ve got a volcano in my tummy.
—A story by L, aged 9.
Children often have problems with anger. Teachers often have problems with anger. Parents often have problems with anger. Why? Because we’re afraid of anger. It may mean that someone is out of our control. It may mean that someone won’t like us. It may mean that someone acts violently.
This book is about living successfully healthily, happily, nonviolently, with motivation, without fear and with good relationships.
Put aside your fear and have some fun. This book gives activities, stories, articles, games and learning for all. It is designed for schools and community groups. Parents can easily adapt the lessons for home use. We invite you to use the activities for your children, build them into a program – and enjoy anger!
Specifically, we aim to help children: To be aware of when they become angry in the early stages so that they have some choices about what they do with the feeling. To distinguish between emotions and behavior. To find whether they really need to be angry To learn how to take Time Out and keep safe. To learn alternatives to physical and verbal violence and express themselves positively and assertively. To take advantage of anger as a motivator for change. To identify recycled or dirty anger and personal triggers. To discover the ways they have learned to express anger and to choose new ones. To learn how to handle other people’s anger. To develop their self esteem. To learn how to deal with authority.
We hope all who use this book will enjoy their anger and benefit from it.
Key Concepts Anger is an emotion. Anger is good, it’s healthy, it’s normal. We need anger to protect and motivate ourselves. Bottled up anger can become explosive, depressive and bad for health. Violence or abuse is behavior. It can be learned and unlearned. It is not OK. Violence has many forms—verbal, ethnic/racial, domestic, institutional. Power or control tactics which frighten people are abuse. Abuse can be physical, verbal, sexual, emotional or to property. We are all responsible for stopping violence and abuse. We need to know what we want and how to ask for it. Other people’s anger is their problem. Letting others solve their problems is healthy. Good self esteem means we have less need of anger. Time Out is for everyone’s safety. It stops abuse but doesn’t solve the initial problem. Safe expression of anger is healthy. Stating what makes us angry is healthy. We need to learn the words to express our anger in a constructive way. Learning what triggers our anger makes it easier to control. Owning our feelings is healthy and reduces conflict. Behind anger there are feelings of hurt or fear or powerlessness. We need to know the words to express anger. We don’t always get what we want. Good listening helps dissipate anger and increase self esteem. Children learn how to behave from adult models. They learn more from what adults do than what they say Labelling people is not OK. Children have rights. There should be consequences for abuse. Other people’s abuse doesn’t have to be accepted. Parents and teachers have extra power to use justly and responsibly. Adults and children are fearful of anger because of negative past experiences. It does not have to be so. Anger rules keep everyone safe.
The Anger Rules
The Anger Rules
It’s OK to feel angry BUT
Don’t hurt others
Don’t hurt yourself
Don’t hurt property
— DO talk about it.
Anger is OK.
Parents too feel angry. Every time we express our own anger positively we give our children a lesson in anger management. As parents, we can help our children by learning to understand our own feelings better.
You might ask yourself some of the following questions:
How do I react when I get angry?
How did my parents react when they got angry?
What happened at my school when someone was angry?
What did my teachers do when they got angry?
What did I learn about anger as a child?
How did I feel as a child around angry adults?
What do I want my children to know about anger?
How might they learn this?

Anger is a feeling and feelings just are .
Anger is OK.
Abuse and violence are not OK.
Somehow, through firm, fair limit-setting, good communication and love, we can let our children know this important message. Every time we do this we contribute to the establishment of a more peaceful society and world.
Especially For Parents And Caregivers

Being a parent or caregiver can be satisfying and fun. It can also be challenging and frustrating. Children’s anger often provides us with a challenge or a dilemma.
How do we allow our children to express their feelings without being abusive?
How do we cope with the variety of advice we are offered?
If we in turn react abusively, our children learn that such behavior is OK.
We learn what we live. So what can we do to see that all our needs are met?
Children need to learn safe limits to their behavior for their own security and for the safety of others. They also need to know that their feelings are understood.
When this happens a child feels validated and is helped to develop a healthy sense of self. When setting limits we can use the T statement format on pages 45 and 46 .
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