Nice , livre ebook

Cover
Endorsements
“We often think about breaking free from bad habits, past hurts, or negative patterns, but what if the reason we sometimes feel hollow and stuck is because of a subtle but deceptive addiction to ‘nice’—acting like we should so we can get what we want. Sharon Hodde Miller’s book Nice is challenging me and helping me to discover a truer way to live authentically free. Sharon is a refreshing voice full of truth and wisdom.”
Lysa TerKeurst , New York Times bestselling author and president of Proverbs 31 Ministries
“As a leader and teacher who prized ‘niceness,’ I’m shocked by the truth uncovered in Nice . It’s simple—but true—and completely profound. Niceness has trumped honesty and crept into pulpits, cubicles, and friendships, disguised as a fruit of the Spirit. Sharon bravely prunes and removes the faux virtue and pushes us to be ar real fruit.”
Bianca Juarez Olthoff , pastor, teacher, and bestselling author of Play with Fire
“‘God did not call you to be nice.’ Starting with this powerful truth, Sharon unpacks the false idols of our day with humility and passion. She shares how to discern truth and never be locked into the prison of ‘nice’ again.”
Alli Worthington , author of Fierce Faith and founder of The Blissdom Conference
“Our culture is desperate for Jesus’s love—his kindness, his compassion, his cross—but we fool ourselves if we think we can replace gospel sacrifice with bland niceness. In these pages, Sharon calls out the spiritual impotence of ‘nice Christianity’ and invites us into a faith that honors Christ and matters to others. This message is as timely and urgent as ever, which is why I highly recommend this book!”
Dr. Derwin L. Gray , lead pastor of Transformation Church and author of Limitless Life
“I’m passionate about walking in the tension of truth and love, but it’s not always easy. Will I choose courage or compromise? Conviction or cliché? Sometimes I slide into the latter easier than I think, all for the sake of being liked. Sharon’s new book, Nice: Why We Love to Be Liked and How God Calls Us to More , will challenge you to the core to rise up and walk in godly conviction, step into hard conversations, and test the fruit of your life. This book will give you the opportunity to bear rich, authentic, life-giving fruit that lasts.”
Andi Andrew , author, speaker, pastor, and founder of She Is Free
“There is a spirit of venom in our culture today that makes agreeable Christianity seem appealing and benign. Sharon has experienced this temptation in her own life, and she exposes the empty discipleship produced by a faith whose greatest ambition is to be ‘nice.’ At a time when Christians swing between hair-trigger outrage and shallow likability, this is a vision we need.”
Ed Stetzer , Billy Graham Distinguished Chair at Wheaton College
“As I read Sharon Hodde Miller’s new book, Nice: Why We Love to Be Liked and How God Calls Us to More , I had two recurring thoughts. The first was— Oh, my toes —because Sharon lovingly and convincingly calls out the excuses and the lies that can lurk behind our niceness. The second thought, however, was— Get it, Sharon Hodde Miller! —because her words challenge and convict but also call us to be higher and better in our motives, our actions, and our relationships. Beautifully written, thoughtfully structured, and theologically sound, Nice will inspire personal reflection and corporate encouragement as we read and ask the Lord to help us be who we say we are and who he calls us to be.”
Sophie Hudson , author of Giddy Up and Eunice and cohost of The Big Boo Cast
“The title of this book, Nice: Why We Love to Be Liked and How God Calls Us to More , may evoke feelings of soft, sweet Christian living, but author Sharon Hodde Miller tackles the topic of motivation and acceptance with scholarly depth and substance. Sharon skillfully guides readers to understand how our emphasis on being ‘nice’ misses God’s greater purposes of spiritual maturity and genuine transformation. Challenging and needed during this age of polarization in our nation and shallow social media soundbites, I am grateful for Sharon’s example, heart, and timely message found in the pages of this book.”
Vivian Mabuni , speaker and author of Open Hands, Willing Heart
“As an outspoken, justice-driven woman who has struggled with the word nice my whole life, I needed to read this book. Sharon Hodde Miller not only helped me wisely sort through the truth about my struggles, but she also reminded me of my gospel responsibility to choose Jesus over myself. I find Nice a must-read for every believer maneuvering the difficult road of human opinion—I dare say, a struggle for us all.”
Lisa Whittle , author of 5 Word Prayers and I Want God , Bible teacher, and podcast host of Jesus Over Everything
“The soul-crushing desire to be liked and accepted can manifest itself in many ways. For Sharon Hodde Miller, it was through an idol we won’t likely consider on our own—the idol of niceness. In her book Nice , Miller turns our accepted notions of niceness on their heads, challenging us to think of a better, more biblical way to engage the world and others and root out sin that keeps us from true and honest virtues. God can turn our niceness and self-focus to a grace-filled love for others, and I believe this book is a helpful tool he could use along the journey.”
Trillia Newbell , author of If God Is For Us , Fear and Faith , and God’ s Very Good Idea
“Sharon is the ideal person from whom to learn to let go of the need to be liked. I’ve watched her over the years and have longed to know her secrets. Sharon possesses the ability to be kind but rejects the temptation to stop at being ‘nice.’ She is a fierce voice for truth. When we let go of being liked, we grow in the unique way God made us, the passions he put in our hearts and, most of all, the integrity he instilled in us. I’m grateful to have Sharon as an example and a teacher.”
Hayley Morgan , author of Preach to Yourself and coauthor of Wild and Free
Title Page
Copyright Page
© 2019 by Sharon Hodde Miller
Published by Baker Books
a division of Baker Publishing Group
PO Box 6287, Grand Rapids, MI 49516-6287
www.bakerbooks.com
Ebook edition created 2019
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means—for example, electronic, photocopy, recording—without the prior written permission of the publisher. The only exception is brief quotations in printed reviews.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is on file at the Library of Congress, Washington, DC.
ISBN 978-1-4934-0946-4
Unless otherwise indicated, Scripture quotations are from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version® (ESV®), copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved. ESV Text Edition: 2016
Scripture quotations labeled NASB are from the New American Standard Bible® (NASB), copyright © 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission. www.Lockman.org
Scripture quotations labeled NIV are from the Holy Bible, New International Version®. NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com. The “NIV” and “New International Version” are trademarks registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by Biblica, Inc.™
Dedication
To my Sadie girl. You burst into our lives as I crafted these words about courage, character, and conviction.
I pray that, one day, you will grow into a woman who bears these good fruits, but my greatest hope for you is this:
That you would know how wildly you are loved by us and by your Father in heaven.
We are so glad you are here.
Contents
Cover 1
Endorsements 2
Title Page 5
Copyright Page 6
Dedication 7
Introduction 11
1. The Fruit of Niceness 19
2. Fake : The Fruit of Inauthenticity 33
3. Rotten : The Fruit of Corruption 47
4. Bland : The Fruit of Cowardice 63
5. Bitter : The Fruit of Cynicism 79
6. Hard : The Fruit of Self-Righteousness 93
7. Processed : The Fruit of Sentimentality 107
8. Cultivating a Better Tree 121
9. Grow Original : Embracing Your Design 131
10. Grow Deep : Rooting Your Soul 149
11. Grow Less : Pruning Your Produce 165
12. Grow Wild : Flourishing in the Wilderness 181
13. The Fruit That Lasts 195
Acknowledgments 203
Notes 207
About the Author 213
Back Ads 214
Back Cover 217
Introduction
God did not call you to be nice.
This statement has been rattling around in my head for well over a year now, and I haven’t been able to shake it. It has reemerged at crucial moments, not as an excuse to be snarky, angry, or rude, but because I have noticed something going on in my heart, and in the church, for a while now: A competing allegiance. A warm and inviting idolatry that has managed to wedge itself between us and true obedience to Christ.
In my first book, Free of Me , I began the work of understanding this spiritual stronghold, which doesn’t sound like a stronghold at all. In that book, I described my identity as a “nice Christian girl.” For as long as I can remember, I have loved to be nice—not just loved but needed —and it is an identity I have struggled to leave behind. Even now, while writing this book, I have squirmed and deleted and rewritten and repeated because I was afraid of how my words would come across. I don’t want to be scary or intimidating or unlikable. I want to be accepted, and I want to be embraced.
And so, to this day, my idol of choice is a very pretty one.
I identify “niceness” as an idol in my life because I have served it tirelessly, and it has served me well in return. In our culture, niceness is not just a socially acceptable behavior but an openly encouraged one. The world gushes over nice Christians, and for obvious reasons. N