Mystery , livre ebook

Cover
Title Page
Copyright Page
© 2016 by Lacey Sturm
Published by Baker Books
a division of Baker Publishing Group
P.O. Box 6287, Grand Rapids, MI 49516-6287
www.bakerbooks.com
Ebook edition created 2016
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means—for example, electronic, photocopy, recording—without the prior written permission of the publisher. The only exception is brief quotations in printed reviews.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is on file at the Library of Congress, Washington, DC.
ISBN 978-1-4934-0540-4
Unless otherwise indicated, Scripture quotations are from the Holy Bible, New International Version®. NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com
Scripture quotations labeled BLB are taken from the Berean Literal Bible. © 2016 by Bible Hub and Berean Bible. Used by permission. All rights reserved. literalbible.com.
Scripture quotations labeled ESV are from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version® (ESV®), copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved. ESV Text Edition: 2011
Scripture quotations labeled Message are from THE MESSAGE. Copyright © by Eugene H. Peterson 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002. Used by permission of NavPress. All rights reserved. Represented by Tyndale House Publishers, Inc.
Scripture quotations labeled NASB are from the New American Standard Bible®, copyright © 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission. ( www.Lockman.org )
Scripture quotations labeled NET are from the NET Bible®, copyright © 1996–2006 by Biblical Studies Press, L.L.C. http://netbible.com. Used by permission. All rights reserved.
Scripture quotations labeled NLT are from the Holy Bible , New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.
Scripture quotations labeled WEB are from the World English Bible.
Main illustrations by Sherri DuPree-Bemis. Additional illustrations by Jordan Clarke.
Some details and names have been changed for privacy purposes.
Published in association with Yates & Yates, www.yates2.com .
Praise for The Reason
“Fresh. Passionate. Powerful. Lacey Sturm does in The Reason what she has done her whole career—she tells the truth, sings the truth, dances the truth. Her story will blow you away, and her heart will touch you. Read The Reason. Just like her voice and presence, Lacey’s writing compels and penetrates, and in the end she will change you.”
Chap Clark, PhD , author of Hurt 2.0: Inside the World of Today’s Teenagers
“In a time where the gulf between sacred and secular seems to grow incrementally, Lacey bridges the gap with her soul-baring candor, raw passion, and prophetic insight. She communicates the comedy, tragedy, and triumph of her life story with fluidity and grace, and her message is timelessly impactful. It ‘screams’ of Jesus Christ, who is alive and active today, even in our darkest times, and the great news that no one is beyond his reach.”
John L. Cooper , lead singer of Skillet
“At its core Lacey’s story is one of hope. From desperation to redemption to victory, this is an amazing journey that, apart from God, would not be possible. Hers is a story that will encourage and challenge all who read it.”
Michael W. Smith , singer and songwriter
“I have been fortunate to witness Lacey grow from singer/songwriter to wife to mommy to now author. She is an amazing soul with a heart like no other. Her life and her story have been such an encouragement to me, and I know this book will also inspire and change you forever.”
Sonny Sandoval , lead singer of P.O.D. and founding member of The Whosoevers
“Lacey has touched so many lives around the world through her music. Her story will hit your heart.”
Ryan Ries , cofounder of The Whosoevers
“Lacey Sturm is a voice of hope to a hurting generation. In her book you will experience God’s unstoppable heart for you and for those in your life who need a supernatural reset. Lacey’s message is real, raw, and dripping with love. Dive in and be blessed!”
Nick Hall , founder and primary communicator of PULSE
Dedication
To Papa Eric. For revealing the mystery of how a father loves a daughter. And for being just a brother who points me to Jesus.
Contents
Cover 1
Title Page 2
Copyright Page 3
Praise for The Reason 4
Dedication 5
Part 1: A World of Broken Lovers 9
1. The Mystery of Being Royal: An Introduction 11
2. The Mystery of Needing to Be Needed 19
3. The Mystery of an Orphan Identity 27
4. The Mystery of Fatherlessness 37
5. The Mystery of a Father’s Heart 47
6. The Mystery of Our Deathly Freedom 53
7. The Mystery of Being Deceived 61
8. The Mystery of What Love Isn’t 72
9. The Mystery of Freedom and Suicide 79
10. The Mystery of Rage and Questions 91
11. The Mystery of Memories 97
Part 2: Finding True Love 105
12. The Mystery of Silence 107
13. The Mystery of Renewal 114
14. The Mystery of Choosing to Be a Daughter 121
15. The Mystery of Many Crowns 133
16. The Mystery of Loving an Idea versus Loving a Person 140
17. The Mystery of Marrying Jesus 151
18. The Mystery of Heavenly Attraction 161
19. The Mystery of the One 170
20. The Mystery of Waking Up to Romance 186
21. The Mystery of Boundaries 198
22. The Mystery of Purity 209
23. The Mystery of Family 218
Conclusion 225
Afterword by Greg Laurie 233
Notes 237
Back Ads 239
Back Cover 241
PART 1 A World of Broken Lovers
Love ceases to be a demon only when he ceases to be a god. . . . God is love, but love is not God. . . . The rebellious slogan “All for Love” is really love’s death warrant (date of execution, for the moment, left blank).
C. S. Lewis 1
1 The Mystery of Being Royal
An Introduction
You thought you were being made into a decent little cottage, but [God] is building a palace. He intends to come and live in it Himself.
C. S. Lewis 1
S he always smelled like cocoa butter and summertime. My mother’s arms were smooth and soft. I watched her jack up our car to change a flat tire countless times. Every time I saw her do this, I knew she could easily hold that car up on her own if she wanted to. Her strength was something supernatural, despite her petite frame. Her wrists, delicate. Her hands, graceful. Yes, her fingertips were calloused from playing her guitar, but this was the only hint of roughness on her body.
Her arms carried me. And along with my grandmother’s and aunt’s, they were the only arms I ever remembered carrying me.
A woman’s embrace was all I ever knew for the first few years of my life.
One Halloween our family was walking in a neighborhood at dusk. Below the fluffy ballerina tutu, my short three-year-old legs hurried to keep up with the excitement of the miniature pirate I was following. I took three times the steps my older brother took on our long walk. My legs tired, so I asked my mom to hold me, over and over.
Up: walk. Down: trick-or-treat. Up: walk. Down: trick-or-treat.
Finally, my mother wearied.
“Just walk. Stop complaining. I’m tired too.”
That’s when I felt his hands. They were large and warm under my arms. They wrapped all the way around me—from my sternum to my spine. Gentle. Safe. Strong. He lifted me higher than I’d ever been lifted before. He handled me like I was fine china.
He set me in the curve of his firm arm—I fit perfectly. His rough skin was covered by the thick, tangled hair on his forearms. He smelled like a Christmas tree and a wood fire. I don’t remember his face. Only the deep lines around his mouth as he smiled down at me.
I remember his joy when he held me—like it was a privilege. This is my first memory of a man’s embrace. I blushed all over. My little, tense body relaxed in his cuddle. I don’t remember falling asleep, but I know it happened quickly.
I never knew his name. He was only a friend of a friend of our family. My mother doesn’t even remember him. But I remember his embrace. Afterward, I had a quiet aching to experience that sense of safe, masculine purity again.
The Reality of Absence
My father missed the opportunity to love me in person. I never met him. He was in prison for a while. I remember him sending me a Christmas present one year. I wasn’t resentful that he wasn’t there. In fact, I would’ve told you I didn’t need a dad. But his absence was significant. I didn’t realize the effect as a young girl, but it turns out, it did matter.
I figured I could make up my own reality, though. I envisioned myself as independent. I’m not fatherless—don’t treat me differently. I defended myself. I had to do what my dad would do. But false realities bring pain. I always felt like a burden. Like I was a weight on others and society—one they wanted to ignore.
I was fatherless. And that seemingly small part of my identity, in many ways, molded an orphan heart in me.
When I encountered love my orphan heart rejected it because it felt like the smartest thing to do. My philosophy was They will reject me, so I will reject them first. They don’t get to hurt me.
I did this often. I intended never to owe anyone a kindness I couldn’t pay back. I stayed “out of the way.” I did my best not to cost anyone anything.
I was suspicious of gifts. What do they want? What are they trying to pull? How are they trying to trap me? I thought. I couldn’t imagine I was worth anyone’s time, money, pain, or inconvenience. I didn’t see myself as a blessing, so how could I trust in unconditional love? When you see yourself as a burden, nothing is free—especially love.
But that’s not reality. It may seem like it, but that is a lie from hell. I’ve learned another way to view myself. It’s the way