Healing a Father's Heart , livre ebook

© 1993, 1996 by CareNet
Published by Baker Books a division of Baker Publishing Group P.O. Box 6287, Grand Rapids, MI 49516-6287 www.bakerbooks.com
Previously published in 1993 under the title Turning a Father’s Heart by CareNet
Ebook edition created 2012
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means for example, electronic, photocopy, recording without the prior written permission of the publisher. The only exception is brief quotations in printed reviews.
ISBN 978-1-58558-403-1
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is on file at the Library of Congress, Washington, DC.
Unless otherwise indicated, Scripture is taken from the HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®. NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan Publishing House. All rights reserved.
Scripture marked TLB is taken from The Living Bible, copyright © 1971 by Tyndale House Publishers, Wheaton, Illinois. Used by permission.
The internet addresses, email addresses, and phone numbers in this book are accurate at the time of publication. They are provided as a resource. Baker Publishing Group does not endorse them or vouch for their content or permanence.
What a wonderful God we have he is the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the source of every mercy, and the one who so wonderfully comforts and strengthens us in our hardships and trials. And why does he do this? So that when others are troubled, needing our sympathy and encouragement, we can pass on to them this same help and comfort God has given us.
2 Corinthians 1:3–4 TLB
Contents
Cover
Title Page
Copyright
Preface
How to Use This Book
Acknowledgments

1 How Do I Know Where I Need Healing?
2 The Character of God
3 And God Made Man…
4 Relief and Denial
5 Anger
6 The Need to Forgive
7 Depression
8 Forgiven and Set Free
9 Acceptance

Conclusion
Post-Abortion Ministries
Preface
Men who suffer trauma after their child’s abortion are not often understood. With the words “It’s not your body,” “It’s not your decision,” and “You have no say” screaming in their ears, men even question their right to have feelings following an abortion.
These men are like silent, wounded warriors. They feel a battle raging within but they can’t identify the enemy. How can it be abortion? Abortion is a safe, simple, legal procedure isn’t it?
Our experiences have shown that abortion leaves both men and women with many wounds. Among these wounds are fear, anxiety, anger, guilt, grief, and depression. For men, there is often an unexplainable need to defend their masculinity; that need causes confusion and strife in most of their relationships. Not all men are aware of the adverse effects that abortion brings to their lives. This study was written for men who want healing for the festering wounds and for men who have battle fatigue from fighting this inner war alone.
Women in Ramah A Post-Abortion Bible Study for Women was published in 1986. Since then, the need for a men’s study has become apparent to us. For example, a man called the crisis pregnancy center where Kathy worked. He was crying desperately, pleading for help because his girlfriend was having his baby aborted and he could do nothing about it. His helplessness was overwhelming.
Kathy was a Post-Abortion Counseling and Education (PACE) counselor, working with hurting women. Having also counseled men in crisis pregnancy situations and seeing how overlooked they were, she knew she had to find a way to help them.
Linda was aware that some men were using Women in Ramah as a tool for their own healing but actually seeing two men carrying the book had a great impact on her. These two men shared their stories with her, and she began to understand the father’s pain. She gained compassion that motivated her to see the healing power of God’s Word transform the lives of hurting men.
Together we desired to see these wounded warriors come home to their heavenly Father and rest in his love and healing. We wrote this Bible study out of a desire to see men freed from the enemy’s camp of silent suffering.
We give God the glory for healing the hearts of the fathers.
How to Use This Book
This book is intended for personal study by men. Or it may be used by groups for a guided group study. There is a companion study for women, Forgiven and Set Free. Couples have found it meaningful to go through the study together, using their respective guides.
As you work through this guide, you will find space provided for writing answers to the questions. It would be a good idea to keep a notebook handy as well. There will be many questions for which the Lord will prompt you to write more than space in the book allows. You may also want to jot down thoughts, insights, and prayers that come to you as you go through the study. There are blank pages at the end of this book that may also be used for this purpose.
If the study guide is used by a group, the chapters should be completed by the members of the group before the group sessions. Then the section at the end of each chapter can be used to guide the group discussion. The group study is most beneficial if the group meets once a week.
The group session is structured as follows: opening round, opening prayer, Scripture memory verse, discussion questions, closing round, and closing prayer. A suggested reading list is given with each chapter for further in-depth study.
The opening round is one question that will help get the discussion going. It is not intended to provoke long, detailed answers but simple, one-sentence responses. Everyone should participate in this part of the discussion. It may be the only time quieter members of the group talk during the early weeks of the group sessions.
Group leaders should not force anyone to share personal experiences but they should encourage anyone to talk who seems ready. Everyone should be free to say, “I don’t feel comfortable talking about that now.”
Before the group session each man in the group should read through the discussion questions, thinking through and praying about his answers. Developing quiet times with the Lord is part of the healing process. The weekly group settings are most effective if group members do their homework and bring insights back to the group.
Acknowledgments
We acknowledge that this Bible study came about through the grace and mercy of our most loving, forgiving Lord from whom all blessings flow and from whom all gifts are given.
This book is gratefully dedicated to Andrew, C. Lilly, Carin, Christine, Daniel, Joseph, Nicholas (Nicky), Rebecca, Ricky, Sammy, and Timothy.
We give special thanks to the following people:

Pastor Tom Cizmar for being available to colead the men’s group, for his great compassion, for his very wise counsel, and for the incredible support he has given us
Bruce Duggan for his valuable input and for taking so much time to work with us
Tim Pack for his insights and for his willingness to help others by sharing the pain of losing his eighteen-day-old son
Bill Hanson and Mo Gaul for opening our eyes to the pain of the fathers
Warren Williams for his dedication to post-abortion men
Linda’s husband, Paul, for being a daily example of a father whose heart is turned toward his children
1
How Do I Know Where I Need Healing?

Why are you downcast, O my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior.
Psalm 42:5
Grieving is a normal and healthy response to a major loss through death. It is a painful process but one that helps relieve our sorrow and grief. After an abortion, we may try to bury our grief, turn our emotions off and run from God. Eventually we face the fact that abortion ended the life of our unborn baby. Those who choose abortion can experience anguishing guilt because they did not protect their children from death.
Relief is the first stage of grieving after an abortion. In this stage a man may think, Thank God, the pregnancy is over. All the uncertainty of the previous weeks is over and I am relieved . After a short time, the initial feelings of relief wear off, and when his mind goes back to the actual experience, denial begins. It is difficult to cope with the memories of the abortion experience. The man tries to deny that the abortion killed his child. He may think, No, I wouldn’t murder a baby. I just terminated a pregnancy, or It wasn’t really a baby at that stage, it was just a blob of tissue.
Moving out of denial usually happens over a period of years and is a different process for each individual. For some, denial ends when they see pictures of fetal development and realize how human their unborn baby was at the time of the abortion. Others may confront their loss during a subsequent pregnancy and birth of a child. Many come to see the truth of their actions when they stop running from God and begin to seek him with all their heart.
Once out of denial, many men become angry. They may think, The clinic should have told us the truth about fetal development; they should have told us about adoption, My parents should not have been so concerned about what others thought, She shouldn’t have chosen abortion, Men don’t have any choice in abortion, or God should have stopped me. In this stage, men dwell on the ways they have been hurt by others and blame them for the decision to abort. This anger often goes unexpressed and may lead to bitterness, interfering with other areas of their lives.
Forgiving others is one of the most difficult steps toward healing, and often men set up conditions that others must meet before the men will truly forgive. They may think, I’ll forgive the mother if she shows similar feelings of regret or I’ll forgive my parents when they show me they care more about me than about what others think . Eventually they realize they cannot change th