Developing Emotionally Mature Leaders , livre ebook

Cover
Title Page
Copyright Page
© 2018 by Aubrey M. Malphurs
Published by Baker Books
a division of Baker Publishing Group
PO Box 6287, Grand Rapids, MI 49516-6287
www.bakerbooks.com
Ebook edition created 2018
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means—for example, electronic, photocopy, recording—without the prior written permission of the publisher. The only exception is brief quotations in printed reviews.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is on file at the Library of Congress, Washington, DC.
ISBN 978-1-4934-0615-9
Scripture quotations are from the Holy Bible, New International Version®. NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com
Endorsements
Emotional intelligence is a popular leadership topic, but no one has explored it from a biblical worldview with as much depth as Aubrey Malphurs. In Developing Emotionally Mature Leaders , Malphurs examines the relationship between emotions and maturity and why both are significant to effective leadership. For anyone called to influence the thinking, behavior, and development of others, this will cement your understanding, help you understand where you are, and give you what you need to develop into an emotionally mature leader.
Tami Heim, president and CEO, Christian Leadership Alliance
Emotions are a powerful force that are often overlooked until it is too late. Finally, here is a biblical and practical approach to understanding emotional intelligence and maturity for greater leadership effectiveness. Read this book to take your personal and team ministry to the next level.
D. Scott Barfoot, ThM, PhD, director of the Doctor of Ministry Program, Dallas Theological Seminary
Aubrey Malphurs has masterfully explained emotional intelligence in a manner that is grounded in Scripture and applied to Christian leaders. I have taught emotional intelligence to students, managers, and employees in multiple settings, and I wished I’d had this book for my Christian seminar attendees. Developing our awareness and application skills can help us be more effective leaders and followers, which will lead to improved organizational performance. This book is a must read for all Christian leaders, managers, and employees.
Bruce E. Winston, PhD, professor of business and leadership, Regent University
In this book, Aubrey Malphurs has addressed an overreaction to emotionalism that has gripped many Christians and churches in our day. While the reader may not accept every point made, they will not be able to escape Malphurs’s reasonable attempt to outline a biblical theology of emotions from which to frame a discussion of the role that emotions play in the life of the leader. Emotional intelligence, or emotional quotient, matters in the attempt to become a mature, self-aware believer. A thoughtful review of Malphurs’s book will help the reader come to a balanced understanding of the significance of the emotional side of the genuine biblical leader.
Mike Stallard, director of International Ministry, Friends of Israel Gospel Ministry
Aubrey Malphurs has written another very practical and insightful book to help churches and pastors become more effective in their ministry. You can find other books on emotional intelligence, but Malphurs includes scriptural insights and develops a theology of biblical emotions. This sets his book apart from the others. Any pastor will find that this book will help them be more effective in leading their congregation.
Bob H. Dean, executive director of Dallas Baptist Association
As we talk about raising up leaders in our churches, it’s easy to overlook developing emotional maturity as a part of the formation process. When it comes to emotions, we often err toward either stoicism or over-reliance, resulting in an unhealthy view. Christian maturity must involve emotional maturity, and Dr. Malphurs’s book is helpful in exploring a true biblical perspective on emotion.
Kevin Peck, DMin, lead pastor of The Austin Stone Community Church and coauthor of Designed to Lead
I’ve known for a long time that struggling church leaders often manifest emotional intelligence deficiencies. Dr. Malphurs’s new book Developing Emotionally Mature Leaders bridges the resource gap for those who want to improve their EI for the cause of Christ and God’s glory. The fourteen skill-building exercises offered in the appendix are a virtual development laboratory in emotional intelligence, and there is nothing like this book in print today. This will be my go-to resource from here on out for helping leaders grow in their emotional intelligence.
Dr. Charles Revis, executive minister, Mission Northwest
Developing Emotionally Mature Leaders is a masterpiece. The emerging field of knowledge called emotional intelligence, or EI, holds significant insights for ministry. Dr. Malphurs is a faithful guide. He instructs, illustrates, and applies significant truths simply and straightforwardly. His insights will empower leaders to improve their leadership and relationship skills exponentially. This is a wonderful gift to seminarians, pastors, and other ministry leaders, as well as key lay leaders. You will return to this volume again and again.
David Bowman, DMin, PCC, executive director of Tarrant Baptist Association
Dr. Aubrey Malphurs has delivered a masterpiece on the subject of emotional intelligence. Dr. Malphurs summarizes the thoughts of leading figures so that the reader gets a feel for the landscape of this subject. He also relates information on tools and assessments for ministry practitioners, helping them self-assess and be able to assess others. It would be difficult to overstate the value of Dr. Malphurs’s fine work.
Lin McLaughlin, PhD, professor of educational ministries and leadership
All you have to do is read today’s headlines to see the importance of emotional intelligence in leadership. Becoming an emotionally mature leader who understands one’s own emotional responses and can also respond appropriately to the emotional responses of others is a key to true servant leadership. While there are plenty of books on the topic of emotional intelligence, there are very few books that look at this topic from a biblical, Christ-centered lens. Aubrey Malphurs has made a major contribution to the field of emotional intelligence with this book.
George M. Hillman Jr., PhD, vice president of student life and dean of students, Dallas Theological Seminary
Emotional health and maturity is one of the most important qualities of a leader. Aubrey Malphurs has written a fantastic book with helpful advice and practical suggestions for identifying your level of emotional health and working to improve it—for the sake of the leader and the team. I would highly recommend this book to any church or ministry leader.
Robert Jeffress, DMin, senior pastor of First Baptist Church Dallas and author of Not All Roads Lead to Heaven
Contents
Cover 1
Title Page 2
Copyright Page 3
Endorsements 4
Acknowledgments 7
Introduction 9
Part 1: Introduction to Emotional Intelligence 13
1. Six Basic Assumptions of Emotional Intelligence 15
2. A Brief History of Emotional Intelligence 19
3. The Importance of Emotional Intelligence 25
Part 2: Understanding Emotional Intelligence 33
4. The Definition of Emotional Intelligence 35
5. The Definition of an Emotion 41
6. The Primary, Core Emotions 47
7. A Biblical Theology of the Emotions 1 67
8. A Biblical Theology of the Emotions 2 81
9. Assessing Emotional Maturity 89
Part 3: Becoming an Emotionally Mature Leader 97
10. Developing Emotional Maturity Models 1–3 99
11. Developing Emotional Maturity Model 4 109
Appendixes 141
A. Basic Emotions Audit 143
B. Emotional Disorders 147
C. Listening Skill Builder 156
D. Conflict-Resolution Skill Builder 162
E. Networking Skill Builder 168
F. Decision-Making Skill Builder 172
G. Risk-Taking Skill Builder 180
H. Problem-Solving Skill Builder 185
I. Confrontation Skill Builder 192
J. Encouragement Skill Builder 197
K. Trust-Building Skill Builder 203
L. Motivation Skill Builder 210
M. Team-Building Skill Builder 217
N. Name-Recognition Skill Builder 225
Notes 229
Index 235
Back Ad 240
Back Cover 241
Acknowledgments
We all walk with a limp, only some of us limp more than others. I have written this book for all of us admitted “limpers” who’ll take the challenge to address our limps that result in growth and emotional maturity. This includes my pastoral and leadership students at Dallas Seminary and the pastors I have worked with over the years with the Malphurs Group.
Introduction
I spotted him walking across the campus. He was a gifted student and leader that I had in class over a period of two to three years at Dallas Seminary. He took several of my courses that addressed such areas as biblical leadership, church planting, and church revitalization. When he graduated, he opted to go on the international mission field and lead a team he recruited to plant churches. But that was only a year or two ago. What was he doing back in Dallas so soon? I decided to find out. I greeted him and engaged him in small talk. Then I popped the question, “Why are you back in Dallas? Is everything okay?” His response troubled me. As the leader, he had recruited and formed a team of like-minded church planters; however, the whole thing had imploded. The gist of it? They simply couldn’t relate to one another and get along together. So after a short time, they went their separate ways, wondering what they could have done to keep it together and become a successful church-planting team. Instead, they had failed to realize their dreams and had paid dearly from an emotional perspective. They viewed themselves as failures who possibly were not cut out of the leadership bolt of cloth. Since t