Closer , livre ebook

© by Jim Burns & Cathy Burns
Published by Bethany House Publishers 11400 Hampshire Avenue South Bloomington, Minnesota 55438 www.bethanyhouse.com
Bethany House Publishers is a division of Baker Publishing Group, Grand Rapids, Michigan. www.bakerpublishinggroup.com
Ebook edition created 2010
Ebook corrections 04.18.2016 (VBN), 12.08.2019
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means—electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise—without the prior written permission of the publisher. The only exception is brief quotations in printed reviews.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is on file at the Library of Congress, Washington, DC.
ISBN 978-1-4412-0434-9
Unless otherwise indicated, Scripture is taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®. NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com
Scripture quotations identified NASB are taken from the NEW AMERICAN STANDARD BIBLE, ® Copyright © The Lockman Foundation 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by International Bible Society. Used by permission. (www.Lockman.org)
Scripture quotations identified The Message are from The Message. Copyright © 1993, 1994, 1995 by Eugene H. Peterson. Used by permission of NavPress Publishing Group.
Scripture quotations identified NLT are from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.
Scripture quotations identified NKJV are from the New King James Version of the Bible. Copyright © 1979, 1980, 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.
Cover design by Lookout Design, Inc.
To Randy and Susan Bramel
You have touched our lives in so many different ways. Thank you for your friendship, mentoring, and passion for the mission.
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

Thank you
Christy, Rebecca, and Heidi . . . You view an imperfect marriage up-close and personal. If we can make it, you can. We are proud of who you are and who you are becoming.
Cindy Ward . . . You are a partner in the mission and an amazing source of encouragement.
The HomeWord Staff . . . You work so hard to serve families. Your efforts have eternal value.
Jon Wallace, David Peck, and Dave Bixby . . . The HomeWord Center for Youth and Family at Azusa Pacific University is a dream come true. We are grateful for your friendships and partnership.
Karen and Dale Walters, Pam and Craig Alexander, Jill and Glen Corey . . . The role you play in our family as godparents is one of our greatest sources of joy and support. We are deeply grateful.
Kyle Duncan, Greg Johnson, and Jeff Braun . . . You are more friends than publishers. The grace you showed us during this season of writing this book has been a gift from God. What a privilege it is to work alongside you to bring messages of hope and healing.
CONTENTS

C OVER
T ITLE
C OPYRIGHT
D EDICATION
A CKNOWLEDGMENTS
I NTRODUCTION
1 . T RUSTING THE A UTHOR OF Y OUR S TORY
2 . D ON’T L OSE S IGHT OF THE G OAL
3 . T HE P OWER OF F ORGIVENESS
4 . A N ONNEGOTIABLE D ATE N IGHT
5 . T HE H APPINESS E FFECT
6 . S ERVANT L OVE OR S ELFISH L OVE ?
7 . T HE P URITY C ODE
8 . T HE J ESUS C REED
9 . W HAT I S G OD T ELLING Y OU TO D O ?
10 . T HE E TERNAL P ERSPECTIVE
11 . L ONGEVITY IN Y OUR M ARRIAGE W ITH A.W.E.
12 . Y OUR M ARRIAGE T O -D O L IST
13 . T HANK T HERAPY
14 . T HREE Q UESTIONS
15 . A TTITUDE I S E VERYTHING
16 . N O R EGRETS
17 . D AD
18 . A CCOUNTABILITY M AKES A M ARRIAGE S TRONGER
19 . K EEP O N T REASURING
20 . J UMPING TO C ONCLUSIONS
21 . A L OVE S TORY
22 . H.A.L.T.
23 . Y OUR B ODY AND Y OUR M ARRIAGE
24 . W HEN I R ELAX , I F EEL G UILTY
25 . G OD M EETS O UR D EEPEST N EEDS
26 . T HINK G ENERATIONALLY
27 . R EACTIONS S PEAK L OUDER T HAN W ORDS
28 . M OSES AND THE A MALEKITES
29 . D AVID AND G OLIATH
30 . C LOSER TO G OD , C LOSER TO E ACH O THER
31 . R EKINDLING R OMANCE
32 . C REATING C ONNECTION
33 . T HE P RAYER C HALLENGE
34 . T OO B USY
35 . S OLITUDE AND P EOPLE
36 . W EEKLY M EETINGS
37 . C ONFLICT C AN B RING Y OU C LOSER , O R
38 . A H IGH -M AINTENANCE M ARRIAGE
39 . P HYSICAL I NTIMACY
40 . S TRATEGIC R OMANCE
41 . S TOP C OMPLAINING , S TART E NJOYING
42 . D O Y OUR K IDS A F AVOR : L OVE Y OUR S POUSE
43 . W AKING U P I S A G IFT
44 . A L IFE OF S IGNIFICANT C ONVERSATIONS
45 . D IFFERENT BY D ESIGN
46 . D O W HAT I T T AKES
47 . T HE B EST T HINGS IN L IFE A RE N OT T HINGS
48 . M AKING Y OUR V ALUES A P RIORITY
49 . G OD I SN’T F INISHED W ITH Y OU Y ET
50 . A TTITUDES AND T HOUGHTS
51 . T HE P AIN OF A NGER AND F REEDOM OF F ORGIVENESS
52 . L EARNING TO A POLOGIZE
A BOUT T HE A UTHORS
O THER B OOKS B Y J IM B URNS
B ACK C OVER
INTRODUCTION

O ver the past thirty years we have tried almost every marriage devotional, and to be perfectly honest, we have usually failed at having the discipline to continue. The busyness of life or the feelings of guilt because we missed so many days often caused us to silently ignore what we knew was important for our growth. This book is the result of our trying to draw closer to each other while having a true desire to improve our spiritual growth as a couple.
We have friends who read the entire Bible together and others who have an extended time with God together every day. That’s not us. We try to pray together almost every day, and we’ve settled on a weekly time for further spiritual connection. If you are farther along the road than us, this book may not work for you; or you can power through it in fifty-two days instead of fifty-two weeks. Our challenge to couples is to start small and invest thirty minutes a week. That may sound wimpy, but we figure something is better than nothing, and that’s exactly what most people settle for: nothing.
Closer is meant to be done together whenever possible. Each reading starts with a Scripture and a story or main point relating to a theme in your life and marriage. We kept the Scripture and body of the devotional short because we have found the best way to go through a devotional for couples is to read it together. The most effective and impactful part of each devotional might not be in the words we wrote but rather the “Faith Conversations” and “A Step Closer” dialogues you and your spouse can have after you have read the words together. We have found that we learn best when we talk about the important topics related to our marriage, and that without directed communication, we can easily slack off and move toward shallowness.
We challenge couples wherever we go to invest a set amount of time each week to come together to be inspired, communicate, and pray together. Our experience is that we have never met a couple who has gotten a divorce after praying together daily and having a spiritual growth time at least once a week. Perhaps the least developed part of most relationships is spiritual growth. For some, it’s too overwhelming. For others, it might be that they can’t connect because there is tension or anger. We find that regardless of how you are feeling about each other, setting apart a regular time to focus on the practical side of your spiritual life will do wonders for your relationship. Actually, over the years we have seen miraculous results when couples take the challenge to grow together spiritually. The result we hear most often is that they grew closer to God and closer to each other.
So here’s the deal. We want to challenge you to a weekly time together to focus on your spiritual life as a couple. If you miss a week, don’t quit—just pick up where you left off. This opportunity for togetherness is not about a legalistic time; it’s about setting a priority for practical spiritual growth and connection. Take the challenge! Some of the devotionals will be more meaningful to you than others, but just keep on keeping on. These Scriptures, stories, and observations are some of our favorites. The discussion topics have brought about great times of connection and even a few tears or tension. But the net result has been a drawing closer together. This challenge will take some discipline and willingness on your part to draw near to God and to each other. These two verses make a lot of sense to us: “Draw near to God and He will draw near to you” (James 4:8 nasb), as well as Paul’s advice to Timothy, “Discipline yourself for the purpose of godliness” (1 Timothy 4:7 nasb). With these thoughts in mind, we hope you will find the closeness, intimacy, and connection that is available to those who seek it and put these words into practice. When you have finished going through this devotional together, let us know how it worked for you. We would love to hear your story.
Blessings,
Jim and Cathy Burns Dana Point, California
Closer@HomeWord.com
T RUSTING THE A UTHOR OF Y OUR S TORY

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.
—P ROVERBS 3:5–6
W hat is the story of your courtship and marriage? Has God been present from the start? We think he was, no matter if you recognized it at the time or not. Some couples meet under extraordinary experiences that can happen only through God. Our neighbors met and married in a Japanese internment camp during World War II. When they died some sixty years later, it was within twenty-four hours of each other. Jim’s parents met on a blind double date in which his mom actually thought she was dating the other guy, not his dad. Walt and Barb Larimore met in the playground sandbox at their church at age five. They are the only love each has ever known. Todd and Becky both lost their spouses