Broken Image , livre ebook

© 1981, 1996 by Leanne Payne
Published by Baker Books a division of Baker Publishing Group P.O. Box 6287, Grand Rapids, MI 49516-6287 www.bakerbooks.com
Previously published in 1981 by Crossway Books, a division of Good News Publishers, Wheaton, Illinois
Ebook edition created 2012
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means—electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise—without the prior written permission of the publisher and copyright owners. The only exception is brief quotations in printed reviews.
ISBN 978-1-4412-0119-5
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is on file at the Library of Congress, Washington, D.C.
Quotations were taken from the following, with permission:
John Gaynor Banks, The Master and the Disciples (© by Macalester Park Publishing Company).
Ruth Tiffany Barnhouse, Homosexuality: A Symbolic Confusion (© 1977 by The Seabury Press, Inc.).
Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest (© by Dodd, Mead and Company).
Emma Curtis Hopkins, High Mysticism (© by DeVorss).
Frank Lake, Clinical Theology (© 1966 by Darton, Longman and Todd, Ltd.).
C. S. Lewis, Mere Christianity (© 1943, 1945, 1952 by Macmillan).
C. S. Lewis, Reflections on the Psalms (© by William Collins).
C. S. Lewis, The Weight of Glory (© by Eerdmans).
Henri Nouwen, Reaching Out (© 1975 by Henri Nouwen; used by permission of Doubleday & Company).
Michael Scanlon, Inner Healing (© by Paulist Press).
Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn, The Gulag Archipelago (©1974 by author; English translation © 1975 by Harper and Row; used by permission of Harper and Row).
Walter Trobisch, Love Yourself (© by InterVarsity Press).
Unless otherwise indicated, Scripture is taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version ®. NIV ®. Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984 by Biblica, Inc.© Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com
Scripture marked AMP is taken from the Amplified © Bible, Copyright 1954, 1958, 1962, 1964, 1965, 1987 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission.
Scripture marked JB is taken from THE JERUSALEM BIBLE , copyright © 1966 by Darton, Longman & Todd, Ltd. and Doubleday, a division of Random House, Inc. Reprinted by permission.
Scripture marked KJV is taken from The King James Version of the Bible.
Scripture marked NEB is taken from The New English Bible. Copyright © 1961, 1970, 1989 by The Delegates of Oxford University Press and The Syndics of the Cambridge University Press. Reprinted by permission.
T o all who have endured or even now suffer the homosexual identity crisis, especially those who have feared there was no help to be found.
Contents
Cover Title Page Copyright Page Dedication Preface Acknowledgments 1. Lisa’s Story: Repressed Memory 2. The Causes of Homosexuality: Contemporary Theories 3. Matthew’s Story: Identity Crisis 4. The Search for Sexual Identity 5. The Identity Crisis According to the Scriptures 6. Listening for the Healing Word Appendix: Listening to Our Dreams Notes Index Other Books by Author
Preface

A s a sexual neurosis, homosexuality is regarded as one of the most complex. As a condition for God to heal, it is (in spite of the widespread belief to the contrary) remarkably simple. This is a book about how to pray for the healing of the problem.
The stories in this book were selected as being the most representative among those to whom I minister. Details such as names and places are changed in order to protect the persons whose inner lives are here opened to view. Within these personal histories we see classic examples of injuries that can lead to the homosexual crisis in identity.
None of these stories was lightly or easily written, for I stand in awe of what it means to be a human being, one in the process of becoming:
It is a serious thing to live in a society of possible gods and goddesses, to remember that the dullest and most uninteresting person you talk to may one day be a creature which, if you saw it now, you would be strongly tempted to worship, or else a horror and a corruption such as you now meet, if at all, only in a nightmare. All day long we are, in some degree, helping each other to one or other of these destinations. It is in the light of these overwhelming possibilities, it is with the awe and the circumspection proper to them, that we should conduct all our dealings with one another, all friendships, all loves, all play, all politics. There are no ordinary people. You have never talked to a mere mortal. [1]
I am also in awe of what it means to be a Christian disciple. A follower of Him is one who has himself been unchained and is then, by virtue of His Presence within, commissioned to take the chains off others. In so doing, there is the responsibility for guarding inviolate the essential mystery and integrity of the souls to whom one ministers. The stories on the following pages are of persons exceedingly dear to me. In their becoming , each has in his or her own unique way turned to bless and strengthen me.
Acknowledgments

M y gratitude to Agnes Sanford simply for having been and for continuing to be (still at age 83!) who she is. She has been a magnificent trailblazer in the art of healing prayer. I wish to thank her also for her generous permission when last we met to quote her in the pages of this book.
My thanks go also to the Rt. Rev. Bennett J. Sims, Herman Riffel, Barbara Shlemon, Philip Vaswig, and Fr. Alan Jones for their kind permission to quote them, and to Walter Hooper for his generous permission to publish the letters of C. S. Lewis to Sheldon Vanauken and Mr. Masson.
Finally, I am grateful to all who prayerfully encouraged me in the writing of this book. Though scattered in a line from the northernmost coastal waters of British Columbia to the warm southeastern coast of Florida, they are all one in their Lord and in prayer to Him. Bob and Ann Siegel, Rhoda Hegberg, Ted and Lucy Smith, and Bernie Klamecki are adventurers in prayer I’ve especially leaned on. To God be all our thanks and praise.
1
Lisa’s Story
Repressed Memory

L isa, a tall and lovely blonde girl, came to church services where I was speaking on Christ’s power to banish the fears and heal the sorrows of the deep heart those that cripple and paralyze our emotional and feeling being. I also shared how Christ can bring peace and light where before there was only pain and darkness. As she sat through the several lectures, she began to hope once again that something could be done for herself. All her life she had known mental and emotional pain, and had in at least two suicide attempts plunged dangerously deep into the dark waters of hopelessness and despair. At the end of the messages I asked the Lord to be with us in all His healing power, and to bring up from the corners of the deep mind such memories as not only needed healing, but could be properly dealt with in a group of several hundred people. As this began to happen, and Jesus began to heal those present, nothing at all seemed to happen in Lisa.
The next day a hopeless and apathetic voice spoke to me through the wires of the parsonage phone. “I came to your meeting,” she said, “and nothing happened.” I sensed her deep need and knew that she was one whose memories and heart the Lord would need to guard in a public service. I always ask Him to. He knows exactly what can come up and be ministered to in a group, and I am careful to ask Him to let nothing too painful and too deep come up where there might not be the privacy needed, or the one gifted and experienced in helping such a sufferer close at hand. Her next words confirmed my feeling that she was indeed one of these.
“I had a dream last night, after the service, one I have often had, “she said. “I looked down and saw my arm, and the pores of the skin over it were like a fish net. Under this skin I saw what I always see in this dream a black cancerous mass.” This dream graphically revealed how Lisa perceived her inner self. No wonder the dark memories behind such a perception of her inner being had not come up in the group. She attempted to take her life recently.
As a medical student, having the know-how as well as access to the drugs, she had very nearly succeeded. In an intensive care unit for seven days, swelled and bloated to twice her size, she was unrecognizable to her own family, who were told she could not live. She did live, however; but when she regained consciousness, she was told that the overdose had permanently damaged her mind. The circumstances of her recent past thus bore out the seriousness of her dream, and what it was saying.
Some dreams indicate particularly dangerous “material” in the deep mind, and when these are told on the psychoanalyst’s couch, he knows to proceed with caution. So also does the minister who would pray for the healing of memories for such a one. Although no prayer for healing of the soul is ever to be undertaken either presumptuously or lightly, I knew that prayer for the healing of Lisa would require extraordinary caution in listening to and collaborating with the Holy Spirit. At the same time, I anticipated with joy what I knew God would do. This faith no one may ever boast of, for it is truly a gift given for the moment. When God sends us on a mission, He empowers us with the faith and the confidence to do what He has sent us to do. So I invited Lisa to the parsonage where I was staying. I assured her that our Lord would enter into and light up with His healing Presence the darkness in her deep mind out of which recurred such a dream.
When she arrived I quickly discovered more of her story, including the history of a lesbian relationship in childhood. She had never been happy as a child, and had been desperately lonely. Though reared in the home with both parents, she was severely estranged from them. Her mother, reacting to this emotional barrier on Lisa’