My Own Worst Enemy , livre ebook

© 2012 by Janet Davis
Published by Bethany House Publishers
11400 Hampshire Avenue South
Bloomington, Minnesota 55438
www.bethanyhouse.com
Bethany House Publishers is a division of
Baker Publishing Group, Grand Rapids, Michigan
www.bakerpublishinggroup.com
Ebook edition created 2012
Ebook corrections 02.22.2013
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means for example, electronic, photocopy, recording without the prior written permission of the publisher. The only exception is brief quotations in printed reviews.
ISBN 978-1-4412-7012-2
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is on file at the Library of Congress, Washington, DC.
Unless otherwise indicated, Scripture quotations are from the Holy Bible, New International Version®. NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com
Scripture quotations identified The Message are from The Message by Eugene H. Peterson, copyright © 1993, 1994, 1995, 2000, 2001, 2002. Used by permission of NavPress Publishing Group. All rights reserved.
Scripture quotations marked nasb are from the New American Standard Bible®, copyright © 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission. www.lockman.org
The stories of women in this book are true. Some names and specific details have been altered to honor privacy.
This book is based on the experience of the author. It is not intended to take the place of professional or pastoral counseling.
The Internet addresses, email addresses, and phone numbers in this book are accurate at the time of publication. They are provided as a resource. Baker Publishing Group does not endorse them or vouch for their content or permanence.
Cover design by Connie Gabbert
This work is dedicated to the women in my world who have dared to shine, showing me the way forward.
Almighty God, you proclaim your truth in every age by many voices: Direct, in our time, we pray, those who speak where many listen and write what many read; that they may do their part in making the heart of this people wise, its mind sound, and its will righteous; to the honor of Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.
The Book of Common Prayer
Contents
Cover
Title Page
Copyright Page
Dedication
Epigraph
Foreword by Anita Lustrea
Acknowledgments
Introduction: This Little Light of Mine
SECTION ONE: Many Faces
1. The Unimagined Life
2. The Unworthy Life
3. The Unlived Life
SECTION TWO: Many Phases
4. Identity: Pretense vs. Presence
5. Creativity: Conformity vs. Uniqueness
6. Shining: Recoiling vs. Radiance
SECTION THREE: Choices Along the Way
7. Choosing Vulnerability
8. Choosing to Say No
9. Choosing to Tell Your Story
10. Choosing to Re-Create in the Midst of Loss
11. Choosing to Persevere in the Midst of Injustice
12. Choosing to Grow Up
13. Choosing to Say Yes to God
Conclusion: I’m Gonna Let It Shine
Notes
About the Author Page
Back Cover
Foreword
Janet Davis came into my life unexpectedly. A listener to Midday Connection , the radio program I host, sent me one of her books and recommended I interview her. It’s one thing to get a free book from a publisher, something that happens daily in my line of work. It’s quite another for a person to invest money and time in buying a book, writing a letter, then paying to send it in hopes that the person on the other end listens to their request. I took this all into consideration when Janet’s book arrived along with the heartfelt letter that accompanied it. At that point, I had no idea how much Janet would rock my world. As I dug into her writing, I knew she would become a regular guest on the program.
Eventually I invited her to a staff retreat for my small team, and we have never been the same. The retreat happened on Labor Day weekend a few years ago, and we still talk about pre–Labor Day and post–Labor Day thinking.
Janet’s writing challenges the reader as well as affirms, all while posing thought-provoking questions that linger in the mind. Janet has the audacity to tell me, and all of us, through this book, My Own Worst Enemy , that I can SHINE, that I am called to shine. Since meeting Janet I’ve had the courage to write a book and edit two others, to speak up in my workplace and church, and to believe, really believe, that my feminine soul along with what I bring to the table, wherever I am truly matters!
What woman has not struggled with self-sabotage or hiding in the process of wanting to make a difference? Our very nature often puts us in a nurturing role where we take a backseat to others and end up believing that the backseat is the only seat we may occupy. Janet has a heart for calling women forward into the fullness of who God created us to be. If you have the courage to read on, and I hope you will, you’ll become uncomfortable at times as well as encouraged. You will be called to imagine what a life well lived might look like. And as you begin to share your story of transformation, you’ll have the opportunity to reach out beyond yourself and bring other women along with you.
Janet points us to the power of Christ within us. And when we tap into that power, we will see courage rise. She says that God invites us to partner with him and to be a shining presence. Sometimes, in order to get there, we need a wise mentor to come alongside us. Janet Davis is that wise mentor. She gives us language for what is happening in our interior world and helps expose what keeps us from caring for our souls. In the process, Janet authentically shares her own story. She tells about her own seasons of self-sabotage.
As we see our common struggle, as we hear those internal shaming voices, Janet reminds us of the command found in Matthew 5:16: “Let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.”
Go SHINE!
Anita Lustrea
Executive Producer and Host of Midday Connection
Author and speaker
Acknowledgments
To my husband, Bob, who welcomes my voice, fosters my growth, and encourages my work.
To our children, Bobby, Jenna, Joel, and Betsy, who ground my life, keep me honest, and broaden my vision.
To the women poets whose work has inspired me, many of whom have generously given me permission to include pieces of their work here.
Thanks to Janay and Melanie: my writing companions. Your friendship was an essential ingredient in this process.
Also thanks to my reading team: Christy, Cathy, Katy, Nancy, Missy, Mary, and Melinda, as well as Tracie, my manuscript formatting expert.
Thanks to the Midday team: Anita, Melinda, and Lori. Your encouragement, both in word and deed, has kept me focused on the importance of this work.
Thanks to my book club friends: Mary and Trisha. You have been my wise midwives in the pregnancy, labor, and delivery of this “child.”
Thanks also to my spiritual directors consultation group. You have held me with tender compassion as I have sought to allow this message to come alive in me.
Thanks to Andy, a wise man, and the staff of Bethany House, who were willing to listen to and trust the voices of women as they advocated for the healing message of this book to become more broadly available. Thanks also to Ellen, my wise and sensitive editor, who worked hard to make this healing message accessible to more women.
And finally, to the women who have allowed me to tell their stories in this book. Your faith, beauty, and courage inspire me.
Introduction
This Little Light of Mine
The glory of God is [wo]man, fully alive. [1]
Saint Irenaeus
A Curiosity Born: I have met the enemy
“I have an offer I’d like you to consider.” My theology professor Ken and I were having coffee together at a Seattle’s Best near our school in Kirkland, Washington. We’d been discussing the book of Ruth, an ancient story that had recently captivated me, when he made me an offer I couldn’t refuse.
“You see things in that story of women that I can’t see,” he said, “the internal dynamics, the relational aspects. We will be doing an overview of Ruth in a few weeks in the Old Testament Survey course you are in. Would you consider teaching a part of the class? You could have as much time as you’d like. I really think you have a lot to offer.”
Though I wasn’t sure it was okay to admit it to myself, or out loud, there was a part of me that knew he was right: As insightful and well-educated as my professor was, I did see things he had not. I did have a lot to offer. That confident part of me said, “Sure, I’d love to.”
There was also a part of me that was not so self-assured. Fairly comfortable with public speaking, I spent a lot of time gathering my thoughts, motivated both by my passion for the subject at hand and a lingering insecurity. I planned exercises and engaging questions. I worked and practiced and was genuinely excited for this opportunity to speak to my peers about what I saw in the book of Ruth. I had a lot to say and a genuine sense that it would be helpful to others in the class. All in all, I had about forty-five minutes worth of content.
The day arrived. The classroom was bright, but far from warm in the damp chill of a Pacific Northwest February. The two walls of windows let in abundant, gently buffered light from the cloudy Seattle skies. The institutional linoleum, looming chalkboards, and laminate-topped student desks, however, negated any sense of warmth the light provided. Gathered in a room designed for a larger group, a tinny sound bounced from all those hard surfaces as we settled into our seats.
The pre-class banter was friendly and hospitable. By this point in the semester, I knew all my twenty or so classmates pretty well. In our small graduate school program, we had many classes together, including counseling practicum, allowing us to become acquainted