Loving Someone with Suicidal Thoughts , livre ebook

“Nothing hurts more than losing your loved one to suicide. Nothing terrifies more than your loved one feeling or acting suicidal. Most people feel helpless, confused, and paralyzed—not knowing what to say, do, think, or feel. This precious book is an essential guide through the perilous storm, a treasure both for everyone who feels suicidal, and for everyone who loves them.”
— Allen Frances, MD , professor and chair emeritus in the Duke University department of psychiatry
“‘What do I do?’ is the most frequently asked question I receive from family members, friends, and coworkers hoping to support and help someone they care about who has suicidal thoughts. Finally, there’s a simple, easy-to-follow ‘how-to’ guide that can help anyone asking this question. Stacey Freedenthal’s book fills a much-needed gap in suicide prevention and should be available in every mental health clinic, crisis center, and school. I’ll be ordering in bulk to make sure I always have a copy on hand to share with those who need it.”
— Craig J. Bryan, PsyD, ABPP , stress, trauma, and resilience professor of psychiatry and behavioral health at The Ohio State University College of Medicine; and author of Rethinking Suicide: Why Prevention Fails, and How We Can Do Better
“Stacey Freedenthal’s book is an incredible journey into the lives of those who love people that think of suicide. The book helps all who read it ask the tough questions, manage guilt, and create a mental health plan before a tragedy strikes. It is a deep look into how people who have thoughts of suicide can find hope, light, and purpose, as well as all of the reasons to be here tomorrow.”
— Kevin Hines , storyteller; award-winning filmmaker; and author of Cracked, Not Broken: Surviving and Thriving After a Suicide Attempt
“Stacey Freedenthal has done the impossible—combined scholarship with decades of personal and professional experience to write an easy-to-understand and endlessly helpful guide about supporting loved ones through one of the most confusing and complex human experiences—suicidal thoughts. Stacey gives her readers exactly what they want—answers and a path forward without resorting to platitudes and cliches. I will be recommending Loving Someone with Suicidal Thoughts to everyone.”
— Jonathan B. Singer, PhD, LCSW , professor at Loyola University Chicago School of Social Work, past president of the American Association of Suicidology, and coauthor of Suicide in Schools
“ Loving Someone with Suicidal Thoughts is a brilliant, beautifully written resource for all who support people struggling with suicidal thoughts. Stacey Freedenthal’s clear, practical advice is a gift to family members, friends, and therapists seeking to understand and help loved ones with suicidal thoughts. Her empathy and expertise radiate throughout each page of this comprehensive, compassionate guide.”
— Kathryn Gordon, PhD , licensed clinical psychologist, and author of The Suicidal Thoughts Workbook
“Powerful, personal, professional, and unique. These are the first four words that sprung to mind when I read Loving Someone with Suicidal Thoughts . Genuinely, there is no book like this out there. Written by someone with decades of experience working in the field of suicide prevention, this book deals with all of the big questions around supporting a loved one who is suicidal. A must-read!”
— Rory O’Connor, PhD , director of the Suicidal Behaviour Research Lab at the University of Glasgow, president of the International Association for Suicide Prevention, and author of When It Is Darkest: Why People Die by Suicide and What We Can Do to Prevent It
“Having lived in that ‘dark place’ for more than thirty-five years, I can confidently say that Loving Someone with Suicidal Thoughts gives you a clear-cut understanding of how to effectively help our loved ones who are in this dark place. I have a history of twenty-two suicide attempts, so having a book that helps describe the emotions that I’ve always wanted to share with the people who love me the most is phenomenal.”
— Kevin Berthia , suicide survivor and prevention advocate whose story of hope has touched diverse audiences around the world




Publisher’s Note
This publication is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information in regard to the subject matter covered. It is sold with the understanding that the publisher is not engaged in rendering psychological, financial, legal, or other professional services. If expert assistance or counseling is needed, the services of a competent professional should be sought.
Unless otherwise noted, this book’s examples of people with suicidal thoughts and their loved ones are fictitious.
NEW HARBINGER PUBLICATIONS is a registered trademark of New Harbinger Publications, Inc.
New Harbinger Publications is an employee-owned company.
Copyright © 2023 by Stacey Freedenthal
New Harbinger Publications, Inc.
5674 Shattuck Avenue
Oakland, CA 94609
www.newharbinger.com
All Rights Reserved
Cover design by Amy Daniel
Acquired by Jennye Garibaldi
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Names: Freedenthal, Stacey, author.
Title: Loving someone with suicidal thoughts : what family, friends, and partners can say and do / Stacey Freedenthal, PhD, LCSW.
Description: Oakland, CA : New Harbinger Publications, [2023] | Series: The new harbinger loving someone series | Includes bibliographical references.
Identifiers: LCCN 2022037199 | ISBN 9781648480249 (trade paperback)
Subjects: LCSH: Suicidal behavior--Prevention. | Suicide--Prevention. | Suicidal behavior--Patients--Family relationships. | BISAC: SELF-HELP / Mood Disorders / Depression | FAMILY & RELATIONSHIPS / General
Classification: LCC RC569 .F717 2023 | DDC 362.28--dc23/eng/20221017
LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2022037199
This book is dedicated to my best teacher of all— My mother, Beverly Freedenthal


Contents
Foreword
Introduction
Chapter 1. Why Suicide?
Chapter 2. Your Loved One’s Suicidality and You
Chapter 3. Managing Your Stress, Fear, and Guilt
Chapter 4. Asking Difficult Questions
Chapter 5. Brave Listening
Chapter 6. Getting Help
Chapter 7. Building Safety
Chapter 8. After a Suicide Attempt
Chapter 9. Coping with Conflict
Chapter 10. If You Feel Manipulated…
Chapter 11. Fostering Hope
Chapter 12. Recovery and Suicidal Thoughts
Acknowledgments
Resources
References
Foreword
T here is no one in the field of suicidology quite like Dr. Stacey Freedenthal. She has uniquely positioned herself professionally and has an uncanny ability to connect with the larger public through her “Speaking of Suicide” website, social media contributions, and her spectacular writing—both scholarly and her larger media contributions. Notably, Dr. Freedenthal is a person with her own lived experience of suicidality and she has spoken bravely, and with tremendous candor and insight, about what it is like to struggle with suicide. Her voice from this perspective is often breathtaking in her abject honesty, courage, and transparency.
Objectively, Dr. Freedenthal is an accomplished scholar with an excellent record of peer-reviewed empirical publications. She is an award-winning teacher as an Associate Professor at the University of Denver Graduate School of Social Work. Dr. Freedenthal is also an accomplished clinical provider who speaks with clarity about clinical truths relevant to working with someone who wrestles with thoughts of suicide. However, these descriptive details do not begin to capture what is truly special about Dr. Freedenthal’s perspective on suicide, particularly about the subjective nature of suicidal suffering. It is not hyperbole to say that no one in the field writes about suicide quite like she does.
Dr. Freedenthal began her professional career as a print journalist, and it shows, because she knows how to write and how to tell a story with elegance, truth, and power. I was a huge fan of her first book: Helping the Suicidal Person: Tips and Techniques for Professionals. This first book was a gift to clinical providers, offering a veritable treasure trove of ideas for any clinician who works with suicide risk. Her eighty-nine tips were informed by clinical science, superb therapeutic wisdom, and a practical clinical savvy that was richly illustrated by case examples.
In her new book, Loving Someone with Suicidal Thoughts: What Family, Friends, and Partners Can Say and Do, lay people are now the beneficiaries of Dr. Freedenthal’s wisdom and multilayered perspective. Over the years I have met with countless families and friends who are tortured by fear and anxiety about what to do for the person they love who teeters on the edge of life. In the United States each year more than fifteen million adults and teens struggle with serious thoughts of suicide; this means many millions more people worry about those loved ones and often do not know what to say or how to say it before it is too late.
For these millions there is now this superb new resource. In the pages that follow, you will learn from Dr. Freedenthal everything you need to know about this tricky topic through her sensitivity, insight, compassion, and (nothing short of) grace. Dr. Freedenthal tackles this complex topic in her usual direct and sensible manner. Her ability to take the perspective of others is just astonishing. Each carefully crafted chapter walks the reader through practical and well-informed suggestions, with chapters addressing “Why Suicide,” “Asking Difficult Questions,” “Brave Listening,” and “If You Feel Manipulated” to name a few. The useful ideas and essential truths imparted in this book are richly supported