Loving Someone with Bipolar Disorder , livre ebook

“Resources for individuals with bipolar disorder are few and far between, but those for the people who care for them are even scarcer. Julie A. Fast and John D. Preston have put together a valuable resource for families and caregivers of people with bipolar disorder. Taking a holistic perspective, these authors offer advice that will help readers help their loved ones with bipolar disorder. More importantly, this book encourages and helps readers to take good care of themselves and their relationships.”
—Sheri Van Dijk, MSW, RSW, psychotherapist and author of The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook for Bipolar Disorder, The Bipolar Workbook for Teens, and other books
“Julie A. Fast and John D. Preston have put together an impressive second-edition guide for couples struggling with the reality of bipolar disorder. They strive to decouple the diagnosis from the individual living with it. This premise lays the groundwork for their discussion of compassionate, non-blaming communication combined with effective couples-based solutions for those striving to work through the interpersonal complexities of a relationship impacted by bipolar disorder. Loving Someone with Bipolar Disorder really is a must-read for anyone who does.”
—Russ Federman, PhD, ABPP, director of counseling and psychological services at the University of Virginia and author of Facing Bipolar
“I am truly impressed with this wonderful book. I will have it in my office and recommend it to patients’ partners as a matter of course as they go through the journey with this illness.”
—Steven Juergens, MD
“More than an education about bipolar disorder, this is a welcome to the journey, in the kindest language you will find in any such book. Open to any page and you will notice the tone and wisdom of people who’ve obviously been there. It’s a challenge to maintain a relationship with someone who has this illness. You’d do well to have a guide, and you will not find any better than Julie A. Fast and John D. Preston. Nor will you find any clearer advice than that which the authors have laid out. Their book is remarkably emotionally intelligent and a privilege to read.”
—James Phelps, MD, mood disorders specialist at Samaritan Mental Health in Corvallis, OR, and author of Why Am I Still Depressed?
“This book will help the loved ones of people living with bipolar disorder to better understand its challenges. It provides clear, concrete ways of giving the support needed to keep their loved ones healthy and get them through the rough spots.”
—Ruth White, PhD, MPH, MSW, associate professor of social work at Seattle University and author of Bipolar 101
understanding and helping your partner
Julie A. Fast and John D. Preston
New Harbinger Publications, Inc. -->
Publisher’s Note
This publication is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information in regard to the subject matter covered. It is sold with the understanding that the publisher is not engaged in rendering psychological, financial, legal, or other professional services. If expert assistance or counseling is needed, the services of a competent professional should be sought.

Distributed in Canada by Raincoast Books

Copyright © 2012 by Julie A. Fast and John D. Preston
New Harbinger Publications, Inc.
5674 Shattuck Avenue
Oakland, CA 94609
www.newharbinger.com
Cover design by Amy Shoup; Text design by Tracy Carlson;
Acquired by Melissa Kirk; Edited by Nicola Skidmore
All Rights Reserved
___________
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Fast, Julie A.
Loving someone with bipolar disorder : understanding and helping your partner / Julie A. Fast and John D. Preston. -- 2nd ed.
p. cm.
Includes bibliographical references.
ISBN 978-1-60882-219-5 (pbk.) -- ISBN 978-1-60882-220-1 (pdf e-book) -- ISBN 978-1-60882-221-8 (epub)
1. Manic-depressive illness--Popular works. 2. Manic-depressive persons--Family relationships--Popular works. I. Preston, John, 1950- II. Title.
RC516.F376 2012
616.89’5--dc23
2011039637
To Ivan Kanis and Julia Gray Alverson
—J.F.
To Lauren Preston
—J.P.
Contents
Acknowledgments
1. Getting Started
2. Treat Bipolar Disorder First
3. Multipolar Disorder
4. Medication Basics
5. The Holistic Treatment Plan
6. The “What Works” List
7. Bipolar Disorder Triggers
8. A Couple Takes Charge
9. The Bipolar Conversation
10. Your Emotional Response to Bipolar Disorder
11. Work and Money
12. S-E-X
13. What about You?
14. The Hard Truths about Bipolar Disorder
15. How to Create Laughter and Joy in Your Relationship
Appendix: Quick Reference Guide to Medications
Resources
References
Acknowledgments
It took more than twenty years of living with bipolar disorder to create a holistic treatment plan that helps keep me stable every day and to give me the knowledge I needed to write this book. Ivan Kanis was with me for the past ten years and I can never thank him enough for his love and support. There were ups and downs, as with any couple where both partners have bipolar disorder, but we made it through. Our relationship is very strong. We are both living examples that people who have been very ill with bipolar disorder can stay healthy and as stable as possible when they use a holistic treatment plan.
I would like to thank my family, especially Rebecca Alverson, Ed Fast, Ellen Schlotfeldt, and David Grayson Fast for letting me live with them while I worked on this book. They didn’t always understand me, but they tried. I would like to thank my writer’s group in Portland, Oregon, for providing the companionship I needed during the very solitary process of writing so many hours a day. Megan Loomis, Lisa Langford Heron, Liz Nakazawa, Nancy Lapaglia, Jacki Sturkie, and Debra Meadow always understood the fears, struggles, and triumphs that come with writing a book.
I must thank my naturopath, Dr. Cynthia Phillips, for her constant support during the years when I was so ill. She is one of the main reasons I was able to get well enough to live my life again. I would like to thank Dr. Steven Juergens, Suzanne James, and Susan Picard for their excellent help as well. I’m far away from so many friends, but they are always in my heart. Pam Palacios, Suzanne Bibby, Patricia Myung, Marcia Lins, and Teresa Lins Csorba have stuck by me through so many ups and downs I can no longer count them. We’ve survived mania, depression, anxiety, anger, and psychosis (all on my part of course) but managed to stay friends.
I would like to thank my coauthor John Preston, PsyD, for his support and professionalism. He truly made this book special. He also helped me calm down when I felt overwhelmed with the work of writing while having to deal with constant mood swings. I would also like to thank my acquisitions editor, Jueli Gastwirth, for calling and asking me to write this book. My editor, Kayla Sussell, really polished this manuscript and taught me a great deal about editing.
And most of all, I would like to thank all of the people who have written and supported me through my websites www.juliefast.com and www.bipolarhappens.com/bhblog . There are so many of us with this illness. It’s my dream that everyone will find a treatment plan that is right for them as individuals so that they can have happy, healthy, and stable lives. It really is possible.
—Julie A. Fast 2003
1. Getting Started
The partners of people with bipolar disorder are very similar. You are the ones who stay in the relationship instead of walking away. You are the main caretakers. When your partner is ill, you hold your lives together. You know the terrible fear of watching the person you love become someone you don’t even recognize. When your partner is ill, you take care of the house, the finances, and the children—all the while having to hold your fear inside. Often, your partner is too ill to seek help. You call the doctors and sometimes the police. You make sure the prescriptions are filled and up-to-date and that everything is taken care of. This is a lot to ask of one person—and yet you, as the partner of a person with bipolar disorder, do it all the time. This book is for you.
Are You Tired?
You may be worn-out from playing so many roles in your relationship. The goal of this book is to help you find the right balance between understanding and helping your partner so that you are still able to pursue your own goals and dreams. This book can provide you with the tools you need to be a resource and support for your partner instead of a crisis manager and constant caretaker.
It may be that your partner’s bipolar disorder has been in control of your lives for years. You may have created ways of coping that no longer work. This happens. With this book, however, you are going to learn a holistic treatment plan that can replace crisis control and mere coping. You can learn to change what isn’t working into something that does. The tools in this book can show you how to best use your own strengths in combination with new techniques. By the time you finish all of the chapters, you will have a foundation for working with your partner to treat bipolar disorder holistically—a foundation that will help you create the stable and loving relationship you deserve.
What Is a Holistic Treatment Plan?
As you undoubtedly know, traditional treatment for bipolar disorder focuses on medications. Certainly, medical treatment is essential and it’s assumed that your partner is on medications and under the care of a doctor while you read this book. But, it’s also known that many of you have partners who refuse to see their doctors or take medications, while some of you may be reading this book because your partner needs more than medications to achieve stability. The solution lies in a holistic treatment plan in which medications are one part of a plan that includes diet, exercise, sleep regulation, and lifestyle changes, as well as behavior changes and trigger recognition.
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