Learned Hopefulness , livre ebook

“This is the best go-to book on how to use hope to relieve your depression.”
— Martin Seligman, PhD , director of the Penn Positive Psychology Center, director of the master of applied positive psychology program at the University of Pennsylvania; and author of Flourish
“A life well lived is founded on meaning, purpose, and a higher calling. Moments of despair are opportunities for healing, and emotional and spiritual growth. Daniel Tomasulo’s deep understanding of the entanglement of perceptions, experiences, emotions, and modes of thinking, envisioning, and actualizing worthy goals is the perfect recipe for fulfillment, joy, peace, and expansion of awareness.”
— Deepak Chopra, MD , author of Metahuman
“If you feel like you’ve lost your way, let Dan take your hand. He has in this beautiful book laid out the steps toward hope, and I cannot think of a wiser or more compassionate companion.”
— Angela Duckworth , founder and CEO of Character Lab, and New York Times bestselling author of Grit
“This is a must-read for therapists, as well as for anyone dealing with struggles and hardships (and that means all of us). The fact that this book has been written gives me hope!”
— Tal Ben Shahar , New York Times bestselling author of Even Happier , Happier , and Being Happy
“Tomasulo has an unusual ability to simplify, and render vivid, complex ideas in ways that inspire trust.”
— George Vaillant, MD , professor in the department of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School, former director of The Grant Study of Adult Development, and author of Triumphs of Experience
“Dan Tomasulo is one of the most gifted writers, teachers, practitioners, and innovators in the field of positive psychology today. His new book on learned hopefulness is a thorough and well-researched guide to becoming more proactive, engaged, and purposeful in your life, regardless of where you start or where you hope to go. Part of Dan’s noteworthy skill is that he seamlessly blends stories from his therapy world into cutting-edge research on flourishing, and then he offers analogies and unique exercises that make the reader take action. Putting down any one of Dan’s books is hard because of their pull on your intellect and heart; this one is no different. Bravo!”
— Caroline Adams Miller, MAPP , international bestselling author of Getting Grit , Creating Your Best Life , and My Name is Caroline
“Chock-full of evidence-based exercises designed to alleviate depression and boost well-being, Learned Hopefulness is like having your own therapist. Read it with paper and pencil in hand.”
— Margaret H. Greenberg, MAPP, PCC , executive coach, and coauthor of Profit from the Positive
“Hope is one of our greatest superpowers; it can be discovered, rediscovered, uncovered, and built up—at the best of times and worst of times. Dan Tomasulo is a hope teacher. He embodies it and radiates it in his life. In this book, he shares it all. Whether you are high or low in the strength of hope, your well-being will soar by reading and practicing what awaits you in this important book.”
— Ryan M. Niemiec, PsyD , psychologist; education director of the renowned VIA Institute on Character; and author or coauthor of eleven books, including The Power of Character Strengths
“A warm and uplifting book about what is arguably our most important human capacity—hope. Drawing on his decades-long experience as a psychotherapist, as well as psychologist research, Tomasulo shows how each person can build more hope in their lives. In elegant prose, he makes a convincing case for how hope, in all its multifarious forms, helps people overcome depression and lead flourishing lives.”
— Emily Esfahani Smith , author of The Power of Meaning
“‘Happily ever after’ may work in fairy tales. But in real life, Learned Hopefulness is the way to go for building healthy relationships!”
— Suzie Pileggi Pawelski, MAPP, and James O. Pawelski, Phd , coauthors of Happy Together
“Finding hope, even in the darkest times, is the most important part of recovering from trauma.
Thank you, Dan, for the invaluable road map in Learned Hopefulness . With groundbreaking new research, simple—but hardly simplistic—analogies, and illustrations, we feel again what is possible.”
— Kim Scharnberg , internationally renowned music arranger, composer, and producer of From Broadway With Love
“Tomasulo is a pioneer in applying positive psychology for deep transformation. His innovative methods taught to graduate students in our Spirituality Mind Body Institute at Teachers College, Columbia University, come alive in Learned Hopefulness . Using the very latest research findings to inform effective tools, this book is an open treasure chest for building personal fulfillment.”
— Lisa Miller, PhD , professor and founder of the Spirituality Mind Body Institute, Teachers College, Columbia University; and New York Times bestselling author of The Spiritual Child
“You won’t find a kinder, more thoughtful counseling psychologist than Dan Tomasulo. This book is the next best thing to a therapy session with him: it’s grounded in science, filled with heartwarming stories, and brimming with hope.”
— Adam Grant , New York Times bestselling author of Give and Take and Originals ; and host of the chart-topping TED podcast, WorkLife


Publisher’s Note
This publication is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information in regard to the subject matter covered. It is sold with the understanding that the publisher is not engaged in rendering psychological, financial, legal, or other professional services. If expert assistance or counseling is needed, the services of a competent professional should be sought.
Distributed in Canada by Raincoast Books
Copyright © 2020 by Dan Tomasulo
New Harbinger Publications, Inc.
5674 Shattuck Avenue
Oakland, CA 94609
www.newharbinger.com
Cover design by Amy Shoup
Acquired by Jennye Garibaldi
Edited by Teja Watson
All Rights Reserved
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Names: Tomasulo, Daniel J., author.
Title: Learned hopefulness / [by Dan Tomasulo]
Description: Oakland, CA : New Harbinger Publications, Inc., 2020. |
Includes bibliographical references.
Identifiers: LCCN 2019058715 (print) | LCCN 2019058716 (ebook) | ISBN
9781684034680 (paperback) | ISBN 9781684034697 (pdf) | ISBN
9781684034703 (epub)
Subjects: LCSH: Positive psychology.
Classification: LCC BF204.6 .T66 2020 (print) | LCC BF204.6 (ebook) | DDC
150.19/88--dc23
LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2019058715
LC ebook record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2019058716
“Hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul and sings the tune without the words and never stops at all.”
—Emily Dickinson
“A new baby is like the beginning of all things—wonder, hope, a dream of possibilities.”
—Eda LeShan
This book is dedicated to my grandson, Callahan Thomas Fetrow.


Contents
Foreword
Introduction
Chapter 1: Positive Psychology as a Science of Hopefulness
Chapter 2: Seeing Possibilities
Chapter 3: Noticing Beauty, Benefits, and Blessings
Chapter 4: Cultivating Positive Feelings
Chapter 5: Focusing on Strengths
Chapter 6: Creating Challenging Goals
Chapter 7: Finding Purpose
Chapter 8: Cherishing Relationships
Chapter 9: Living the Life You Imagine
Acknowledgments
Foreword
In the late 1950s, the psychologist Ellis Paul Torrance brought an experiment to two elementary schools in Minneapolis to find the secret sauce of creative fulfillment. Nestled between a very large number of tests, he asked children a seemingly innocuous question: What are you in love with? He then followed up with the children during the next twenty years to see which of his tests could predict adult creativity.
Torrance was astonished that the extent to which children had a future image of themselves that they were in love with was a better predictor for creative fulfillment in adulthood than any of his tests for scholastic promise and school achievement. He wrote:
“Life’s most energizing and exciting moments occur in those split seconds when our struggling and searching are suddenly transformed into the dazzling aura of the profoundly new, an image of the future…. One of the most powerful wellsprings of creative energy, outstanding accomplishment, and self-fulfillment seems to be falling in love with something— your dream, your image of the future.” 1
Positive images of the future carry us forward to our destiny, despite the inevitable twists and turns of life. We each have a destiny, a best possible future. Yet we are constantly getting in our own way, losing sight of that future. In the process, we lose hope .
The humanistic psychologist Abraham Maslow argued that there are two very different realms of human existence. In the Deficiency Realm, we are motivated by what we lack. We try to force the world to conform, as if we are screaming “Love me!” “Accept me!” “Respect me!” Entering the Being Realm is like replacing a clouded lens with a clear lens. Suddenly we see the world and people for what they actually are—not as a means to our own end—but as an end in themselves . We admire the sacredness of each person and recognize they are on their own journey of self-actualization. We also open to opportunities for growth. When we are no longer primarily motivated by deficiency, we can explore the full richness of life—the joyful just as much as the forlorn—with curiosity and acceptance. Defenses down, we finally see the world’s beauty clearly, as well as the beautiful possibilities in our lives. 2
In recent years, psychologists have begun to chart the psychology behind imagination, hop