How to Be Miserable in Your Twenties , livre ebook
64
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English
Ebooks
2020
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64
pages
English
Ebook
2020
Vous pourrez modifier la taille du texte de cet ouvrage
Obtenez un accès à la bibliothèque pour le consulter en ligne En savoir plus
Publié par
Date de parution
01 février 2020
Nombre de lectures
0
EAN13
9781684034734
Langue
English
Poids de l'ouvrage
1 Mo
Publié par
Date de parution
01 février 2020
Nombre de lectures
0
EAN13
9781684034734
Langue
English
Poids de l'ouvrage
1 Mo
“When you find yourself underlining so many passages that the whole book is basically one long underline…it’s time to recommend that book. Highly. And be grateful it exists.”
— Lenore Skenazy , president of Let Grow, and founder of Free-Range Kids
“Pathological social withdrawal (called ‘hikikomori’ in Japan) is now increasingly considered a global mental health and socio economic concern. Withdrawal behaviors tend to be regarded as negative and maladaptive. Is this perception always correct? Randy Paterson’s book challenges such preconceptions and prejudices regarding hikikomori-related behaviors while also suggesting multidirectional solutions to this phenomenon.”
— Takahiro A. Kato, MD, PhD , associate professor in the department of neuropsychiatry, and chair of the hikikomori research clinic at Kyushu University Hospital in Fukuoka, Japan
“Innovative and inspiring…. The provocative mood makes the reading easy; the structure in lessons makes the book an on-demand pool of instructions the reader can refer to whenever needed. Randy Paterson has made great work to collect life situations and convert them into such practical actions.”
— Ivan Ferrero, PsyD , cyberpsychologist, speaker, trainer, educator, edge innovator, and futurologist
“Randy Paterson has done it again! In his latest book, How to Be Miserable in Your Twenties , Paterson provides insight into how young adults can avoid common traps that can contribute to unhappiness. It includes a range of well-tested, commonsense strategies that are especially relevant for those transitioning into adulthood and independence. This engaging and humorous book is a must-read for young adults (even those who are not in their twenties) who want to prevent the thoughts, behaviors, and habits that can lead to feeling overwhelmed, depressed, or anxious. I highly recommend it!”
— Martin M. Antony, PhD, ABPP , professor in the department of psychology at Ryerson University in Toronto, ON, Canada; and coauthor of The Shyness and Social Anxiety Workbook and The Anti-Anxiety Workbook
“ How to Be Miserable in Your Twenties reads with a tender irreverence. Paterson’s voice is heart-catching, imaginative, and wise as he invites emerging adults to abandon many of their self-defeating delusions which they have caught from their culture like a virus. Paterson gifts the reader with fresh agility to better dance with the paradoxical vicissitudes of life. You will find his creative re-rendering of the path to misery accessible, charming, and a helpful tool for reorienting you to a wise life.”
— Scott Spradlin, LPC, LMAC , dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) therapist and trainer in Wichita, KS; and author of Don’t Let Your Emotions Run Your Life
Publisher’s Note
This publication is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information in regard to the subject matter covered. It is sold with the understanding that the publisher is not engaged in rendering psychological, financial, legal, or other professional services. If expert assistance or counseling is needed, the services of a competent professional should be sought.
Distributed in Canada by Raincoast Books
Copyright © 2020 by Randy J. Paterson
New Harbinger Publications, Inc.
5674 Shattuck Avenue
Oakland, CA 94609
www.newharbinger.com
Cover design by Amy Shoup Acquired by Tesilya Hanauer Edited by Teja Watson
All Rights Reserved
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data on file
For Geoff, who wasn’t there that decade. Which is just as well.
Most of the harm done in the world is done by those who think they know what happiness is for other people and try to help them achieve it.
—Quentin Crisp
I believe that maturity is not an outgrowing, but a growing up: that an adult is not a dead child, but a child who survived.
—Ursula K. Le Guin
It’s adult swim time and I’m diving in here at the shallow end.
—Suzanne Finnamore
Contents
Introduction: The Great Leap Forward
Part One: Fight the Future—Preventing Childhood’s End
Lesson 1: Let Parents Be Parents
Lesson 2: Keep Your Parents in the Pantheon
Lesson 3: Refuse The Burdens Of Adulthood
Lesson 4: Be a Rebel and Party On
Lesson 5: Stay on the Breast
Lesson 6: Wait for Permission
Lesson 7: Change Your Family, Not Yourself
Lesson 8: Shorten the Decade
Lesson 9: Chill
Lesson 10: Never Give an Inch
Part Two: Santa Wasn’t the Only Lie
Lesson 11: You Are Special
Lesson 12: You Have a Right to Unconditional Positive Regard
Lesson 13: Happiness Is Stupid
Lesson 14: Depend on Talent
Lesson 15: You Need a Clear Vision
Lesson 16: Misery Is Motivating
Lesson 17: Self-Confidence Is Crucial
Lesson 18: You’re Entitled to Your Anger
Lesson 19: Follow Your Passion!
Lesson 20: You’re Doomed No Matter What You Do
Part Three: Creating a Self
Lesson 21: Keep Your Tool Kit Empty
Lesson 22: Define Thyself
Lesson 23: Become Your Diagnosis
Lesson 24: Cultivate Your Fragility
Lesson 25:P Narrow Your Experience
Lesson 26: Don’t Rehearse
Lesson 27: Stay in the Closet
Lesson 28: Build Your Brand, Not Your Character
Lesson 29: Eat the Marshmallows
Lesson 30: Be Cool
Part Four: Navigating the Seas of Adulthood
Lesson 31: Go with the Flow
Lesson 32: Set Your Heart on the Stars
Lesson 33: Keep Your Options Open
Lesson 34: Avoid Risk
Lesson 35: Ignore Distant Payoffs
Lesson 36: Let the Money Worry About Itself
Lesson 37: Take Your Body for Granted
Lesson 38: Focus on What You Lack
Lesson 39: Practice Mindlessness
Lesson 40: Do It All Yourself
Conclusion: Turnabout
Acknowledgments
References and Additional Reading
Endnotes
Introduction: The Great Leap Forward
Many who seem to be struggling with adversity are happy; many, amid great affluence, are utterly miserable.
—Tacitus
Why misery? Why the twenties?
Well. Get in the car.
Drive the narrow highway north of Vancouver. Pass the smooth black lake—the one no one ever seems to swim in, perhaps fearing what lurks beneath the surface. Glance ahead, where the road slashes between rock faces and disappears, the mountains on the far side of Howe Sound a distant barrier.
It’s a crest and curve. The road sweeps to the right, rejoins the coastline, and one of the largest granite domes on Earth comes into view: the Chief. Seven hundred meters. Mostly straight up.
There’s your climb.
No rush. You’ve got seventy years. Or eighty. A hundred if you’re lucky.
Divide it up any way you like. Psychologist Erik Erikson described it in eight stages, from infancy to old age. 1
There are challenges relevant to the whole effort. Are you dressed right? Pacing yourself? Properly equipped?
A while back I published How to Be Miserable: 40 Strategies You Already Use, a guidebook to the hazards along life’s trajectory. There are many more than forty ways to sabotage our contentment, of course, so I made my choices for their wide applicability—their effectiveness at producing disaster at any age.
There are also challenges specific to each stage, however. That rock over there to your left? Don’t stand there: it’s loose. That steel ring? Ignore it—my buddy put it in; he’s an idiot. That shelf? Solid; you can trust it.
Perhaps no phase offers more traps than the crumbling overhang known as the twenties—especially now, as our century negotiates its own dysfunctional early adulthood. Faltering economies, crumbling certainties, light-speed technological change, ever-morphing professions. Many of the holds here don’t hold, the guidebooks are upsidedown, the cracks are chasms, and the arrows were drawn by jokers, optimists, inspirational speakers, and pharmaceutical representatives sniffing for profit. You’re supposed to… Choose between remaining with family or striking out (and maybe, yes, actually striking out) on your own. Find a career path on a shifting economic iceberg that submerges entire fields every few years. Figure out which of those shiny, self-affirming slogans about adult life are valid and which are happy-sounding codswallop. Renovate your own personality to fit independent life, despite having spent most of your upbringing in human obedience training. Know, as the song says, when to hold ’em and when to fold ’em, walking the tightrope between sensible caution and necessary risk.
What are the odds of nailing all this and more? Just about nil. Time, then, for a consideration of the landmines awaiting us at the dawn of our newfound maturity.
But first, a touch of background.
In the beginning
In my first few years after graduation I avoided filling my practice with people suffering from depression. I’d veered uncomfortably close to it myself during my training years. Then fate, with its usual backhanded sense of humor, handed me the leadership of a depression treatment program for people who had recently been discharged from inpatient care.
We ran groups in the cheerless basement of the hospital. The idea was to train people in the basics of cognitive behavior therapy (CBT) and coach them to apply the principles in their own lives. Realizing that most of the clients had already been through multiple failed treatments, I chose not to waltz in with pom-poms flailing, shouting cheers of praise about the wonders of exercise and social contact. They would have shot me down in an instant.
Instead, I took them in a direction they were not expecting. I asked what they would do if their mission was to feel even worse, not better. I offered the incentive of an imaginary $10 million if the
