Choosing Marriage , livre ebook

Endorsements
Debra Fileta writes with passion and heart in this compelling book. She shows all of us how to overcome the inevitable challenges of married life by making the right choices. In short, Debra reveals how choosing marriage, every day, leads to deep and abiding lifelong love. Whether you are single, engaged, or married, you don t want to miss out on this profound and practical message.
-Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott, New York Times bestselling authors of Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts
No matter what season of marriage you are in, Choosing Marriage will offer encouragement and hope to find even more satisfaction in your relationship. Debra s counseling experience and biblical knowledge are woven together with some great stories and practical advice to help every couple learn how to experience a richer, more meaningful life together.
-John Fuller, Focus on the Family
Choosing Marriage is the kind of book that you will underline, highlight, dog-ear, reread, and then subtly leave open on your spouse s side of the bed for them to (hopefully) pick up and read, forcing you to purchase clean copies for your family and friends. When we were seeking an author/speaker/expert for a large event on marriage and relationships in California, we chose Debra Fileta, and the attenders loved her. When college students and young adults seek dating and relationship advice, we gift them with a copy of True Love Dates . And now, whenever we counsel those seeking insight and advice on marriage, we plan to give them Choosing Marriage . It is an engaging, insightful, and professional look into the most intimate of all of our relationships-our marriages-that is based on Debra s clinical expertise, sound research, and her own personal journey. For those of you who seek to choose marriage-who desire authentic intimacy, biblical insights, and practical ways to grow your marriage-you are holding the best book you can find in your hands. Please wait to highlight or dog-ear it until after you purchase it.
-Dr. Chris and Alisa Grace, Center for Marriage and Relationships, Biola University
When I met Debra Fileta, I was instantly encouraged-and you will be too. Whether you re a happy couple, a couple in need of help, or a single looking ahead, Choosing Marriage is a tour de force for anyone seeking to achieve a great marriage. My team and I see a lot of great marriage books-and this is one of the best we ve ever read. You ll quickly find practical, achievable suggestions, humor, and road-tested insight from years of working marriage therapy. Debra s focus on believing the best echoes my own research into happy marriages, and her advice for couples in need provides hope for those who need it most. This is a must-read!
-Shaunti Feldhahn, social researcher and bestselling author of For Women Only and The Surprising Secrets of Highly Happy Marriages
Put this book at the top of your reading list and buy one for a friend! My bride and I really enjoyed reading Choosing Marriage together. We were inspired and challenged to have a healthier relationship and given practical advice on how to do it. It s evident that Debra is not only a much-sought-after national speaker but also a highly skilled author.
-Chris Reed, pastor to 20s/30s and singles at Saddleback Church, Lake Forest, California
Debra Fileta is a gifted counselor and an excellent communicator. Choosing Marriage is a true masterpiece among the crowded shelves of marriage books. It is for everyone who is married or has a future marriage on their radar. Debra very practically walks you through changes that will literally transform any marriage. Choosing Marriage redefines real hope in marriage!
-Kim Kimberling, founder of Awesome Marriage and author of 7 Secrets to an Awesome Marriage
Choosing Marriage is a must-read for anyone who is hoping to marry someday and for those who want to improve their marriage. Debra Fileta masterfully addresses what it takes to cultivate and keep a thriving marriage through real life stories, practical tips, Scripture, and probing questions. She gives both married and single people hope that they too can foster an amazing, lifelong marriage with the one they love.
-Dave and Ashley Willis, StrongerMarriages.org
HARVEST HOUSE PUBLISHERS
EUGENE, OREGON
Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture quotations are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version , NIV . Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.
Verses marked ESV are taken from The ESV Bible (The Holy Bible, English Standard Version ), copyright 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.
Verses marked MSG are taken from THE MESSAGE, copyright 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002 by Eugene H. Peterson. Used by permission of NavPress. All rights reserved. Represented by Tyndale House Publishers, Inc.
Verses marked ERV are taken from the Easy-to-Read Version, copyright 2006 by Bible League International.
Verses marked NLT are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright 1996, 2004, 2007, 2013, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.
Verses marked TLB are taken from The Living Bible copyright 1971 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.
Cover by Emily Weigel
Cover photos Doczky / Shutterstock; sagesmaskelemen / creativemarket.com
Published in association with the literary agency of D.C. Jacobson Associates LLC, an author management company. www.dcjacobson.com
The names and identifying information of the people discussed in this book have been changed to protect their identities and to respect their confidentiality. Where individuals may be identifiable, they have granted the author and publisher the right to use their name, stories, and/or facts of their lives in all manners.
Choosing Marriage
Copyright 2018 by Debra Fileta
Published by Harvest House Publishers
Eugene, Oregon 97408
www.harvesthousepublishers.com
ISBN 978-0-7369-7338-0 (pbk.)
ISBN 978-0-7369-7339-7 (eBook)
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Names: Fileta, Debra K., author.
Title: Choosing marriage / Debra Fileta.
Description: Eugene, Oregon: Harvest House Publishers, 2018. | Includes bibliographical references and index.
Identifiers: LCCN 2018002888 (print) | LCCN 2017049635 (ebook) | ISBN 9780736973397 (ebook) | ISBN 9780736973380 (pbk.: alk. paper)
Subjects: LCSH: Marriage-Religious aspects-Christianity.
Classification: LCC BV835 (print) | LCC BV835 .F543 2018 (ebook) | DDC 248.8/44-dc23
LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2018002888
All rights reserved. No part of this electronic publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means-electronic, mechanical, digital, photocopy, recording, or any other-without the prior written permission of the publisher. The authorized purchaser has been granted a nontransferable, nonexclusive, and noncommercial right to access and view this electronic publication, and purchaser agrees to do so only in accordance with the terms of use under which it was purchased or transmitted. Participation in or encouragement of piracy of copyrighted materials in violation of author s and publisher s rights is strictly prohibited.
Dedication
To my sweet husband, John
Your love, devotion, dedication, and commitment to me
and to our marriage are evident in everything you do.
Thank you for inspiring these pages.

To Ella, Eli, and Ezra
The three of you have given me a deeper
understanding of love and an overflowing joy.
May God continue leading your precious hearts toward Him.
Contents
Endorsements
Dedication
Foreword by Gary Thomas
A Note from the Author
1. Choosing Marriage: The Hardest and Greatest Thing
2. We Me: From Selfishness to Holiness
3. Walls Will Fall: From Vulnerability to Intimacy
4. Alter That Ego: From Pride to Humility
5. The Struggle Is Real: From Expectations to Reality
6. Always Use Protection: From Insecurity to Safety
7. #RealTalk: From Facade to Authenticity
8. Sex Marks the Spot: From Infatuation to Adoration
9. Better Together: From Independence to Oneness
10. The Beautiful Exchange: From Me to We
Acknowledgments
Notes
Foreword
B ecause of a degenerative eye disease, I live with basically one eye. You wouldn t know it looking at me, but an ophthalmologist explained to me that my left eye has reached the point where my brain doesn t rely on it anymore. What I see comes largely through my right eye.
I write with one eye too. I m a spiritual writer, steeped in the Christian classics, theology, and decades of studying Scripture. When I address marriage, it s automatic for me to view it through that one lens.
Debra Fileta writes with two eyes. She has an uncanny spiritual awareness. By that I mean she understands not just biblical truth , but also biblical sense . Added to that, however, her other eye is the eye of a trained marriage therapist. She has worked successfully with numerous couples and can see patterns that thinkers who often write in book-paneled rooms might miss.
Take just the title of this book, for instance. Choosing Marriage is a marvelous way to describe, in just two words, the spirituality of marital commitment. It is loaded with profound theological meaning and provides a helpful metaphor. But Debra doesn t stop there. She offers numerous tools to make choosing marriage seem possible and practical.
In other words, Debra doesn t just inspire us-plenty of spiritual writers do that; she also equips us. Rare is the writer who lives in both worlds so effectively.
You are about to enter the world of a humble wife who freely a