Tree from Pain , livre ebook

Tree from Pain
Z.B Abdelkarim
Austin Macauley Publishers
2019-09-30
Tree from Pain About the Author About the Book Dedication Copyright © Z.B Abdelkarim (2019) Preface Part 1 Part 2 La Paix Peace Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Synthesis on Me
About the Author
Zina is a cosmopolitan person, originally from Tunisia. It was at the age of 19, in Prague, and while in her second year of Common Law studies that she decided to devote her time to writing, slowly building her first work Tree from Pain and some other works too. It is the beauty of Prague, which awakened her soul of a writer. She ultimately stopped attending classes and decided to continue her LLB, Bachelor of Laws, through distant and self-study with the University of London, in order to have time for writing. She dreams of changing the world.
About the Book
If you are curious to know what happens inside the mind of a seemingly happy but mentally and emotionally suffering person, then perhaps you need to open this book. Its aim is not to depress you but to fill your mind with meaningful lessons and thoughts coming from someone else’s depression. Tree from Pain is not just the book’s title, it is the author herself. She has grown her person from pain; she is a tree from pain. Just as the sun rises after the night and the moon lightens a dark night, this book shows you light after darkness and light in darkness. It invites you to discover the power, strength and hope experienced in the author’s loneliness and struggle of being different.
Dedication
I dedicate this book to my most loyal friend, Fatma, who was the first person I trusted to discover my very introspective book, and who determined me to publish it.
Copyright © Z.B Abdelkarim (2019)
The right of Z.B Abdelkarim to be identified as author of this work has been asserted by her in accordance with section 77 and 78 of the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the prior permission of the publishers.
Any person who commits any unauthorised act in relation to this publication may be liable to criminal prosecution and civil claims for damages.
A CIP catalogue record for this title is available from the British Library.
ISBN 9781788486972 (Paperback)
ISBN 9781528901284 (ePub e-book)
www.austinmacauley.com
First Published (2019)
Austin Macaulay Publishers Ltd
25 Canada Square
Canary Wharf
London
E14 5LQ
Preface
"I walked alone for so long that I have developed this observer in me that knows me so well, and does not find it abnormal to out-loudly acknowledge me when necessary. I do not feel un-humble when I talk about myself because when I do so, it is this observer in me that talks about me. This observer is my mind, not my ego.
Dear reader, this is a book I did not plan for as I currently am doing with other ones. It is a set of scattered thoughts I wrote after deep reflections, meditation or hardship. I wrote them to feel less alone and to discover myself.
You shall encounter words of different kinds without, nevertheless, knowing the complete true experience behind them. Many of them come from the soul of an empath. An empath whose utmost satisfaction comes from giving love to the un-loved, kindness to the mean, comfort to the suffering and support to the un-supported. But an empath, who has been disliked, feared by many, and bullied for almost ten years. An empath, who has survived with very much difficulty, a toxic trap set by a narcissist. An empath, who does not differentiate between people’s struggle and her own; who cannot live peacefully while seeing herself in a better position than others. An empath, who feels guilty for being privileged.
You will also have some partial view of my most personal experience with pain. This book might make me seem to be an extrovert, but the truth is, I write because I am introverted. Since I was a child, I had this instinct that I wouldn’t be understood. I noticed I felt and saw things that those close to me didn’t. Whenever I tried to share my inner world, I received very negative or disappointing responses. I couldn’t mentally stand being misunderstood and not properly supported; I therefore chose to keep silent most of the time, preferring the company of my mind to un-satisfying reality. All tension had always been buried in me, until there came a time when I was on the verge of explosion and decided to carefully choose the very few friends I would confide in. I had to acquire the skill of explaining my pain before actually doing so. When I wrote these quotes, I was alone except for my pen, notebook, and I must add, my faith in God. I had to first understand the complexity of my pain before externalising it. This required a lot of reflection on me, my past, present and contemplated future. I also had to neglect my university studies.
If you are a reader who has never known me before this book, then you will probably not be disturbed by it, or at least by most of it. Those who know me in real life will most likely be shocked because they either know me as a studious, serious, moral person OR a weird, funny and friendly person. They don’t know what actually goes on inside me. Indeed, they will be more confused about me than ever before.
The order of my quotes is not theme-based, except for the division between the different parts. Instead, they are chronological. You will find some redundant themes between some distant quotes, but know that I wrote them at different times, and that they carry nuances. Sometimes, I may be referring to myself through ‘she’. Other times, I may be talking about other people through ‘you’ in some sort of dialogue. In some other quotes, ‘you’ refers to me or to nobody in particular. I will let you imagine whatever you want.
You will be able to discover the evolution of my person, one that has used pain and struggles to go forward. The roots of this book are painful, but the book’s surface should be a beautiful living tree."
Indeed, that was my ever first introduction to this book. If you’re wondering why I’ve put the last two pages in quotation marks, it’s because they were what I initially intended this book to be. I first wanted it to be a somehow mysterious communication of my lonely self-empowering painful walk. It was an attempt for me to see light in my discreet long suffering. Yet, I ended up talking plainly about almost everything I went through – I insist: ‘Almost’ for there are dimensions to my struggles, that I have not mentioned, or at least not directly – this, along the increasing pain and darkness I was diving in. You will therefore notice a certain evolution in my speech: From someone telling you wise lessons without the full experience behind them, to someone who is straightforwardly jumping to her current state of feelings and depression. I am not scared of recognising my vulnerability and showing it to you readers or to the entire world. Because doing so is the starting point to acquire power, and to simply start walking again. We humans are not born powerful; we’re born very weak and vulnerable. As babies, crying was our common expression of vulnerability to call for love, attention and care. That’s how we could grow. As an adult, writing is my way to express my vulnerability. The energy I produce from it is what feeds my soul and character, letting me grow into what I want to be.
This book, at the very beginning, was composed of two parts which gathered writings I wrote within the past few years. However, I added three more parts during the past few months in accordance with the flow of my life experiences.
Tree from Pain is my re-birth from the darkest and coldest cave I have ever been in. Tree from Pain is a revelation of what’s always been going on in my mind and heart behind the calm, seemingly happy mask I often wore. This book is my determination to deal with my past and to decide my future. Enjoy.