The CNDA way : A revolutionary approach to relationships and self-love , livre ebook

THE CNDA WAY
A revolutionary approach to relationships and self-love
BY THE SAME AUTHOR
Authentic Communication, In Praise of Intimate Relationships, CRAM Publishers
COLETTE PORTELANCE

THE CNDA WAY
A revolutionary approach to relationships and self-love
Originally published as
Relation d aide et amour de soi
1990 Les ditions du CRAM Inc.
English translation
Diana Halfpenny
Graphic design and ePub publishing
Patrick Viens
Correction
Ingrid Phaneuf
Cover picture source
The Photos - Fotolia.com
All rights reserved. Reproduction in whole or in part by any means without the written consent of the publisher is prohibited and will be considered a violation of copyright.
2017 by CRAM Publishers Inc.
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Suite 205 Montreal, Qu bec H2L 1H9
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Legal deposit,
Biblioth que nationale du Qu bec // National Library of Canada
PAPERBACK ISBN 978-2-89721-132-5
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PDF ISBN 978-2-89721-198-1
MOBI ISBN 978-2-89721-199-8
Printed in Canada
Table of contents
Introduction
Chapter 1: The Creative Non-Directive Approach
A. The nondirectivity phenomenon in Quebec
B. Rogerian non-directivity
C. The Creative Non-Directive Approach
D. The directivity/non-directive dialectic
1. Non-directivity according to the CNDA
a. The importance of the helping relationship
b. Attitude
c. The nature of a human being
d. Power
e. Conditions for developing a creative non-directive attitude
Responsibility
Acceptance
Love
2. Directivity according to the CNDA
a. The container concept
b. The container according to the CNDA
c. Positive features of container-directivity
The foundation of the CNDA
Chapter 2: Respect for the way the brain functions
A. Lozanov and Suggestology
B. The brain
1. The horizontal structure of the brain
a. The left hemisphere
b. The right hemisphere
2. The vertical structure of the brain
a. The hindbrain
b. The midbrain
c. The forebrain
Chapter 3: Respect for the way the psyche functions
A. The life of the psyche
1. The psyche
2. The conscious mind
a. The imbalanced conscious mind
The overexploitation of rationality
The underexploitation of rationality
b. The conscious mind in balance
3. The unconscious mind
a. The unconscious and intuition
b. The unconscious and affectivity
c. The unconscious and influence
B. Psychic functioning
1. Psychic (emotional) needs
a. The need for love
b. The need for security
c. The need to be heard
d. The need for acknowledgment
e. The need to assert oneself
Power
Authority
Transference and counter-transference
f. The need for freedom
g. The need for creativity
2. Psychic needs and the emotions: An unsatisfactory mental process
C. Emotion
D. Complexes
1. The abandonment complex
2. The sibling rivalry complex
3. The insecurity complex
4. The castration complex
5. The guilt complex
6. The inferiority complex
E. Defense mechanisms
1. Repression
2. Introjection
3. Escape and avoidance
4. Rationalization
5. Confluence
6. Self-punishment
7. Projection
8. The adoption of a persona
F. Patterns
1. The bully and the victim
2. The deserter and the abandonee
3. The invader and the invadee
4. The judge and the offender
5. The missionary and the disciple
6. The saviour and the prot g
7. The superior and the inferior
8. The dominator and the submissive
9. The manipulator and the manipulatee
Chapter 4: Respect for the process of liberation and change
A. Self-knowledge
B. Acceptance
C. Responsibility
D. Expression
E. Observation
F. The choice of protective mechanisms
1. The explicit request
2. Verification
3. The choice of entourage and environment
4. Territory and limits
a. Invasion
b. Life goals
c. Priorities
d. Organization and self-discipline
5. New life experiences
6. The transformation of expectations into goals
G. Taking creative action
Chapter 5: Respect for different types of intelligence
A. Discovering of different types of intelligence
1. The lack of love
2. The lack of motivation
B. Types of intelligence
C. Rationalists
1. Intellectual characteristics
2. Affective characteristics
3. Relational characteristics
4. Reference points
5. Skills
6. Difficulties
7. Ways of perceiving and learning
8. Therapeutic case study
9. Educational case study
D. Pragmatists
1. Intellectual characteristics
2. Affective characteristics
3. Relational characteristics
4. Reference points
5. Difficulties
6. Ways of perceiving and learning
7. Therapeutic case study
8. Educational case study
9. Personal experience
E. Esthetes
1. Intellectual characteristics
2. Affective characteristics
3. Relational characteristics
4. Reference points
5. Skills
6. Difficulties
7. Ways of seeing and learning
8. Therapeutic case study
9. Educational case study
Chapter 6: The paramount importance of the helper
A. The teacher as helper
1. Teachers, the lifeblood of the education system
2. Teacher-training programs
a. Teacher-focused training
b. Training focused on inner work
B. The role of therapy and inner work in the training of helpers
1. Training for self-knowledge
2. Training in a multidimensional approach
C. The helper and therapy
1. Training for creative non-directive relationship therapists
a. Competence
b. Letting go
c. Self-discipline
d. Pleasure
2. Stages in training
a. Stage 1
b. Stage 2
c. Stage 3
3. Course methodology
4. Trainers
Conclusion
Bibliography
To Nelson and to Fran ois, for loving me and believing in me.
Introduction
There is nothing miraculous about the approach outlined in this book; it is, rather, the result of many years of inner work. It could, in a way, be seen as the subjective synthesis of my personal and professional experience on the one hand, and my theoretical training on the other. As the approach evolved, bore the imprint of the suffering that was responsible for bringing me to my true self. This suffering, in which fear, anguish, sorrow and repressed anger all had a part, was what, in the end, made me into a happy person. It was the school in which I learned how to be a mother, wife, teacher, relationship therapist and instructor of the approach I advocate. In my suffering I felt solitude, abandonment and rejection; I suffered from lack of love and recognition, from fear of loss, of not pleasing, of disappointing; I suffered from guilt and shame; I suffered from feelings of invasion, doubt and powerlessness; I suffered from my dependence, my fragility, my vulnerability - in short, I suffered from life. For a long time I wanted to pull the suffering out by its roots: simply extract it, as you would a bad tooth. I wanted to deny it, ignore it, destroy it, but in spite of my efforts it grew stronger. Then, finally, I came to the realization that it had something to say to me, and that I needed to listen to it, as I would listen to a sad child. Over the years of inner work, I learned that I had to welcome it, accept it and listen to what it wanted to teach me. By accepting suffering, I discovered happiness and the joy of living, inner peace and the ability to love myself. Similarly, I discovered that embracing suffering was - and still is - the best way of learning how to help others and myself. It taught me that, if all I used were ready-made theories and techniques, I wouldn t be of much use to anyone. My therapy-directed inner work, and the resulting personal growth, brought me to the realization that I bore the inescapable responsibility for the success or failure of all my relationships.
This lengthy journey toward self-discovery, during which I spent many days studying, analyzing, researching, and thinking, was responsible for my ever-increasing interest interest in all things related to people and their relationships, and particularly in counseling, which is often referred to in this book as a helping relationship. Over the years, as I became better acquainted with the subject, I realized that counseling was not the sole prerogative of psychologists and psychotherapists. In fact, it is accessible to all who are involved in a relationship in which one of the protagonists is helping the other deal with an emotional or relationship problem. There are many people who claim - and with good cause - that they are involved in this sort of helping relationship: the nurse who takes a personal interest in her patients problems, the teacher who helps one of his students through an emotionally-troubled period, and the father who stands by his son when the latter is having difficulty in school are all giving important emotional support. Not to mention all the people who volunteer their time just to listen to those in less fortunate circumstances. In all their various situations, these people are legitimately acting to help others.
The term couns