Beware of the Emu! , livre ebook

Title Page
BEWARE OF THE EMU
By
Merv Lambert



Publisher Information
Beware of the Emu
Published in 2012 by
Andrews UK Limited
www.andrewsuk.com
This book is sold subject to the condition that it shall not, by way of trade or otherwise, be lent, resold, hired out or otherwise circulated without the publisher’s prior written consent in any form of binding or cover other than that in which it is published, and without a similar condition being imposed on the subsequent purchaser.
The characters and situations in this book are entirely imaginary and bear no relation to any real person or actual happening.
Copyright © 2012 Merv Lambert
The right of Merv Lambert to be identified as author of this book has been asserted in accordance with section 77 and 78 of the Copyrights Designs and Patents Act 1988.



Snow Emus
Emma, M’s emu ‘girl-friend’ had never seen snow before. She was fascinated by it. Winter had begun early in England that year. M of course was in a happy, dazed state. He was going round with a sort of permanent smile on his beak. ‘Who would have thought it?’ he thought. ‘Good old Auntie Flo! She had somehow managed to transport Emma from Oztralia (as he thought of it) via an e-mail.’ Now he found himself spending most of his time outside, either in the back garden or in the one in front of the house, as she watched the white flakes floating down from the sky. He hoped she would begin to pay a little more attention to him, and so far he had not had the chance to impress her with his collection of wigs, but for the moment she seemed absolutely obsessed by snow.
It did not take Olivia long to realise what was bothering M, so she said to Colin, “Why don’t you look in your special book for a snowy adventure? Obviously I can’t take part in it, and Charlotte’s too little, but you and Sammy could take them.”
“Hmm,” Colin examined the idea. Then he went to find the book, which was lying on a glass-topped coffee-table in the lounge. As he leafed through the pages, he heard Olivia call to M and Emma. Moments later they were standing behind him with Sammy. The phoenix bookmark seemed to flutter gently in his pocket. Perhaps it was making up its mind. Still idly turning the pages, Colin stopped at a photograph that suddenly appeared on page 489. It showed a snowy scene in a mountain village, possibly in Austria or Switzerland. Emma stepped forward excitedly, and tapped the picture gently with the tip of her beak. The magic phoenix bookmark glowed quickly as if in agreement. There was a loud pop and a small flash.
Indeed Emma had her wish. It was snowing steadily. It was also obviously early evening, as people were making their way back from the slopes with their skis. Darkness was falling, but the streets and building of the pretty mountain village were well lit. Sammy woofed happily. He liked the snow too.
Colin scratched his head, and found that he was wearing a fur hat to go with his heavy, warm winter coat and thick gloves. He gazed round what he assumed must be the village square. Some of the shops displayed the square Swiss flag with a small white cross on a red background. A tall, elegant building bore the words Oberkirkl - Rathaus. Colin knew this wasn’t a house full of rats. It was simply the German word for town hall or the place where things were discussed, and Oberkirkl was the name of the village. Sammy woofed again, and ran forward excitedly. He had seen somebody he knew.
“Why, hello, Sammy!”
The little dog had trotted up to a tall fair-haired young man, who was now making a great fuss of him. Sammy was wagging his tail happily. The young man, who was crouching down, looked up. “Is that you, Colin?” he asked.
“Yes,” replied Colin, stepping forward to shake the young man’s outstretched hand. “Hello, Kurt. We met at Billy and Jilly’s house.”
“Of course,” enthused Kurt. “The family invited us to visit them, when we came over in the summer. We actually met them the year before in Italy.”
Colin found he had no need of the bookmark’s help to understand this young German. Kurt’s English was excellent.
“Where are you staying, Colin? And where are your lovely wife and little daughter?”
“I’ve only just arrived, and I haven’t fixed up anywhere to stay yet. I’m on my own.” He glanced over at the two emus, who seemed quite happy just to be there in this Alpine village. He went on, “Olivia’s at home with Charlotte. She’s expecting our second child.”
“Oh, congratulations, Colin! But come now. No need to book into a hotel or guest-house. You must come and stay with me. My family are here with some friends at our own chalet. We come here every year.” Kurt insisted that Colin accept his invitation. It was then that Colin realised that he had a small suitcase standing on the snow-covered pavement next to him. The phoenix, as always, had thought of what he needed. He picked it up, and followed Kurt with Sammy trotting beside him and two invisible emus strolling along behind them.
When they arrived at the chalet, Colin gasped. “It’s huge!” he said.
“Yes, we have twenty rooms,” smiled Kurt. “You’ll be very welcome.”
In fact Kurt’s parents Dietrich and Ilsa, his younger brother Jurgen and his sister Helga all made him feel very welcome. Finally Kurt introduced his friends Natalie, her brother Gregor, and two tall young men called Roger and Hansi. Everyone made a fuss of Sammy, and he spent a very happy evening with them all. Only he knew when the two emus eventually came in in the early hours of the morning. He could tell from their smiling beaks that they had no doubt been up to some emu mischief. In fact they had climbed to the top of nearly every building and slid down the steeply sloping roofs on the snow gathering there. One or two passers-by had noticed a sudden plop and the large indentations in the snow on the pavements but merely assumed it was just some snow falling from the roofs, and none would ever have imagined that it was the impact of two invisible emus landing. Each time this happened Emma and M stood giggling in emu-speak.
Because Kurt had offered to teach him to ski, Colin was looking forward to the morning’s activities. Then he thought of a snag that hadn’t occurred to him before.
“Er, Kurt,” he said, “I should have thought of it before, but I haven’t brought any skiing gear with me. I’ll have to go along to the shops first.”
“No, no, that won’t be necessary. Over the years we have collected all kinds of ski boots, helmets and clothing. You name it, we’ve probably got it. I’m sure Gregor would lend you one of his spare outfits. You are about the same size as him.”
Gregor was nodding in agreement. Colin, overcome by the generosity of his friends, said “Thank you. Thank you.” Then feeling in a side-pocket of his jacket, his fingers closed over something he was going to need in the glare of the sun and the snow. Once again the phoenix had come up trumps.
Brandishing them in the air, he declared, “At least I’ve got my own sunglasses!” Very stylish they were too. He popped them on, and Gregor grinned. “Those are just like mine,” he said. “I like a man with style.”
It did not take long for Kurt and Gregor to provide Colin with all the kit he needed.
“I really like this ski jacket,” he said. “What’s the logo on it? Some sort of coat of arms?” The colours, red and blue reminded him of the phoenix.
“Yes, that’s quite an old one actually. It belonged to my father, but he thinks he is a bit too old for skiing these days,” replied Gregor.
Soon those who were going skiing were dressed for it, and carrying their skis, they made their way up the mountain on the busy ski-lift. Only Colin saw Emma and M with large emu grins gliding up behind them standing on the next seats.. Meanwhile Sammy was already in the restaurant up above them. Kurt’s mother, Ilsa, had volunteered to look after him. The little dog had offered no protest, as she tucked him into the top of her large coat, and rode up with him in the cable-car. He was thoroughly enjoying himself. There were so many new smells to explore!
When they reached a flat area of snow, Kurt made sure Colin had secured his skis correctly. Colin listened carefully, as he began to learn some basic skills. Clutching his ski-sticks and trying not to fall over, he was hesitantly moving forward, when suddenly there was a shout. “Look out!” He did not even have time to look up before he was flattened by a young man, who collided with him, then stood up, and made off down the mountain at full speed on his skis. The magic bookmark had given no warning, so Colin realised this was part of the unfolding story.
Kurt was very concerned. “Are you all right, Colin?” he asked.
For the moment the bookmark remained in neutral. It was giving out no clues, so Colin replied, “I think so.”
“Well don’t get up. I’ll fetch a paramedic just to make sure.”
As Kurt strode off in the direction of the restaurant, Colin was aware that Sammy had come running up to him, and two emus were also staring at him in surprise.
As instructed, Colin lay on his back with his knees bent so that his skis were flat on the snow. He was sure he wasn’t hurt but also that the phoenix was planning something. The next thing he knew, however, was that two men in paramedics’ uniform were lifting him to his feet. One of them stooped to release the catches on his skis. They were obviously not paramedics. They had not bothered to examine him. Now they were hustling him towards a small official-looking ambulance, which had just pulled up near him. Without speaking, the men opened its back doors, and pushed him inside before clambering in with him. They did not see Sammy sneak in, and hide under Colin’s ski jacket. Nor did they see the two emus loping alongside the ambulance, as it set off dri