Raising Feminist Boys , livre ebook

“A worthy and comprehensive primer for anyone interested in—but unsure how to pull off—raising sons to become fully human and actively upstanding citizens.”
—Darcy Lockman , author of All the Rage
“ Raising Feminist Boys is an incredibly insightful mélange of history, essential literacy about psychology, parenting realities, and what our society truly needs. It is composed in a genuine voice of a mother, concerned citizen, and a true scholar which speaks to your heart as much as it stimulates your mind. It offers critical questions while offering practical solutions. Our world will be a better place if parents become fluent in the teachings of this book.”
—Sara Nasserzadeh, PhD , social psychologist; senior cultural advisor to the United Nations; cofounder of Relationship Panoramic, Inc.; and coauthor of Sexuality Education Wheel of Context
“Grounded in scientific research while simultaneously a deeply personal reflection, Raising Feminist Boys offers the perfect road map for how we shift the culture of toxic masculinity in the wake of the #metoo movement—beginning with concrete steps we can take in our own homes. As both a clinical psychologist and mother of two young sons, I couldn’t be more grateful for this invaluable resource, and for Wegner’s insightful (and engaging!) guidance throughout.”
—Rebecca Schrag Hershberg, PhD , clinical psychologist, parenting coach, and author of The Tantrum Survival Guide
“Wegner’s book is essential for our modern times. Her straightforward approach engages the reader while providing useful strategies which allow boys and their role models to become advocates of equality for all genders. Wegner’s authenticity is strengthened by her ability to share her personal challenges with raising her own feminist children. Wegner’s sincerity, warmth, and humor give credence to an imperative call to action for change.”
—Katharine “Kim” Larsson, PhD, CNS-BC , cofounder of Boston Behavioral Medicine in Brookline, MA; with over thirty years of experience as a psychotherapist, psychopharmacologist, consultant, and educator
“Wegner’s practical advice guides parents through one of the most important conversations to have during childhood. Having ‘the talk’ isn’t enough if we are to change the toxic culture that persists in society today. The road map provided here starts when our children are young, and these powerful conversations continue throughout their development. This book pushes us to examine our own biases, and provides clear and age-appropriate language to create strong and caring ‘feminist boys.’”
—Elihu Selter, PsyD , clinical psychologist in private practice, faculty at the Milton Academy, and father of two sons
“ Raising Feminist Boys is the guide every parent of boys needs to raise healthy, empathetic sons who contribute in positive ways to society. With the perfect combination of personal stories, practical tips, guided reflection, and evidence, Wegner takes parents by the hand and shows them exactly how to raise feminist boys. Prepare to be comforted by her honesty and inspired by her thoughtful guidance.”
—Erin Erickson, DNP, MPH, MA , family nurse practitioner; maternal child health specialist; and cofounder and cohost of Mom Enough , an evidence-based parenting podcast
“Once in a while a parenting book comes along that is rooted in a strong understanding of the best research and thinking about parenting and child development; wise about the nuances of parenting and stocked with concrete, accessible advice and highly practical tips. This is one of those times. I strongly encourage you to read this terrific road map to raising boys who will do the vital work of challenging damaging gender stereotypes in themselves and others, and who will engage in relationships with deep respect and care.”
—Richard Weissbourd , senior lecturer and faculty director of the Making Caring Common project at Harvard Graduate School of Education
“Even the most confident, educated, and well-intentioned parents are struggling to raise their sons—many find ways to talk with their daughters about consent, sex, and equality, but miss out on opportunities to have these critical conversations with their boys. Now there’s a remedy: we finally have a book that equips parents and educators with the capacity and confidence to raise a generation of boys as champions of equality. Leaving judgment aside, Raising Feminist Boys delivers specific, accessible, and age-appropriate strategies parents can put to use tonight—right at the dinner table.”
—Justine Finn, EdM , founder and director of Relation-Shift, consultant to K–12 schools and parents on gender, and mom grappling with how to raise her own children as feminists


Publisher’s Note
This publication is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information in regard to the subject matter covered. It is sold with the understanding that the publisher is not engaged in rendering psychological, financial, legal, or other professional services. If expert assistance or counseling is needed, the services of a competent professional should be sought.
Distributed in Canada by Raincoast Books
Copyright © 2021 by Bobbi Wegner
New Harbinger Publications, Inc.
5674 Shattuck Avenue
Oakland, CA 94609
www.newharbinger.com
Cover design by Amy Shoup
Acquired by Jennye Garibaldi
Edited by Marisa Solís
All Rights Reserved
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Names: Wegner, Bobbi, author.
Title: Raising feminist boys : how to talk to your child about gender, consent, and empathy / Bobbi Wegner.
Description: Oakland, CA : New Harbinger Publications, Inc., [2021] | Includes bibliographical references.
Identifiers: LCCN 2020052146 | ISBN 9781684036677 (trade paperback)
Subjects: LCSH: Boys. | Child rearing. | Child development. | Feminism. | Moral education. | Personality development.
Classification: LCC HQ775 .W34 2021 | DDC 305.230811--dc23
LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2020052146


Contents
Foreword
Introduction
Chapter 1: Change Starts with You
Chapter 2: Understand Developmental Stages and Strategies
Chapter 3: Build Inner Resources to Raise Allies
Chapter 4: Talk Openly About Gender, Sex, and Identity
Chapter 5: Teach Physical Respect and Consent
Chapter 6: Use Media to Discuss Equality and Justice
Chapter 7: Expand His Worldview to Cultivate Empathy
Chapter 8: Repair Relationships When Harm Is Done
Moving Feminism Forward
Acknowledgments
Glossary
Sex Talk with Kids Cheat Sheet
Foreword
As a parenting expert and cultural researcher, I deeply believe that the most profound experience we can have as parents is to see ourselves and our world from another perspective. This is where real change happens. This is how a paradigm shift takes place.
So much has changed since we were younger. The tendency many parents have (myself included) is to unwittingly stick our heads in the sand when faced with unfamiliar subjects we aren’t well versed in. This isn’t anyone’s fault. It’s typically because we don’t know how to tackle certain topics or because anything sex related, gender related, technology related or male privilege related wasn’t talked about for most of us growing up.
I am struck by how relevant Raising Feminist Boys is to the times we are living in today. As I read, I realized how little I actually knew about what boys are dealing with these days. This book illuminates their experience on so many levels, helping me see the world through my son’s eyes, which is one of the biggest takeaways. I have experienced a paradigm shift of my own, and I know a lot of parents will feel the same. I now understand the importance of my role and my husband’s role in teaching and modeling the kind of behavior we so desperately need in the world, and this book gives us the tools to do so.
Raising Feminist Boys lifts the veil and shines a light on so many of the different situations and realities our boys are facing nowadays. Oftentimes, they are in the dark with no map to guide them. We need to help our boys develop that strong internal compass that is so necessary to navigate this new terrain toward a better tomorrow. Instead of just saying “no” to difficult topics, let’s start saying “know.”
There is even a fabulous conversation cheat sheet at the back of this book that I’ve begun to use in some challenging talks with my son. I liken these conversations to jumping into cold water. It’s hard to convince yourself to make the leap initially, it feels a little shocking when you first get in, but once you are there it feels amazing. You feel so glad you did it. I honestly feel closer than ever to my son, and I’m really proud of myself for taking the leap. Raising Feminist Boys is just the urging I needed. I can only encourage you to do the same; open this book and dive in!
Dr. Bobbi Wegner is a Harvard clinical psychologist with many years of experience in her practice, and yet, what I love most about this book is her voice throughout the pages. She talks directly to the reader as a parent dealing with their own struggles, offering conversations backed up by science and research. Her humility and humor, combined with the latest information and research, make this book very relatable and real.
Instead of turning away, you will find ways to turn toward opportunities to talk to your son. It can be through the media, technology, or even the music we listen to on the radio. There are so many more possibilities than we realize to open much-needed dialogue in order to guide them into becoming kind, intelligent, and empathic men—what the world needs now more than ever.
—Jessica Joelle Alexander
Author of The Danish Way of Parenting : What the Hap