Outstanding Life of an Awkward Theater Kid , livre ebook

HARVEST HOUSE PUBLISHERS
EUGENE, OREGON
Scripture quotations are from the New American Standard Bible , 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission. ( www.Lockman.org )
The Winter s Tale quotations are from William Shakespeare, The Winter s Tale , ed. J.H.P. Pafford, The Arden Shakespeare (London: Arden Shakespeare, 1966).
Cover design by Kyler Dougherty
Cover illustration by Daniel Hawkins
Interior design by Chad Dougherty
Published in association with the literary agency of Wolgemuth & Associates, Inc.
HARVEST KIDS is a trademark of The Hawkins Children s LLC. Harvest House Publishers, Inc., is the exclusive licensee of the trademark HARVEST KIDS.
The Outstanding Life of an Awkward Theater Kid
Text copyright 2020 by Ted Kluck
Artwork copyright 2020 by Daniel Hawkins
Published by Harvest House Publishers
Eugene, Oregon 97408
www.harvesthousepublishers.com
ISBN 978-0-7369-7886-6 (hardcover)
ISBN 978-0-7369-7887-3 (eBook)
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Names: Kluck, Ted, author. | Hawkins, Daniel, 1988- illustrator.
Title: The outstanding life of an awkward theater kid / Ted Kluck; artwork by Daniel Hawkins.
Description: Eugene: Harvest House Publishers, [2020] | Audience: Ages 8-12. | Summary: Flex, a football player, auditions for a play to impress KK, his crush, but must deal with his nemesis, Shakespearean language, and a rival in Youth Group, as well.
Identifiers: LCCN 2019050645 (print) | LCCN 2019050646 (ebook) | ISBN 9780736978866 (hardback) | ISBN 9780736978873 (ebook)
Subjects: CYAC: Theater-Fiction. | Christian life-Fiction. | Middle schools-Fiction. | Schools-Fiction. | Family life-Fiction.
Classification: LCC PZ7.K658 Out 2020 (print) | LCC PZ7.K658 (ebook) | DDC [Fic]-dc23
LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2019050645
LC ebook record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2019050646
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DEDICATION
For the real KK, my original theater girl.
CONTENTS
Dedication
1. Theater Party
2. Nemesis
3. Audition
4. Emotion
5. Tortured Artist
6. Tough Love
7. Dressing Up
8. Living the Dream
9. Being Paranoid
10. Being Embarrassed
11. Dress Rehearsal
12. Montage
13. Being Perfect
14. Pregame
15. Showtime
16. Wrap
About the Author
About the Artist
Join Flex on His Quest to Be Cool
About the Publisher
THEATER PARTY
T his is my first theater party. I ve never been to a theater party because I ve never been in a play because in Empty Factory, Indiana, you don t do plays and play football. It just isn t done.

Let me describe this theater party:
There s a girl named Abigail who is very excitedly telling everyone in the room about her social anxiety disorder. Though it seems to me like she s being very social about it. My dad says people my age trade disorders like people his age used to trade football cards.

There s a buffet featuring different kinds of kale because seven of our actors are gluten intolerant and four of them are ethically opposed to eating meat-even the kind on takeout pizza. I know this because they talk about it all the time. There is also a bag of iceberg lettuce.

Four people are making fun of the iceberg lettuce because of its lack of nutritional value. I ve never seen iceberg lettuce mocked before, and I actually kind of feel sorry for it (the lettuce).

The only thing to drink is a concoction called Enlightened Organic Raw Kombucha, which Pops says reminds him of the contraband hooch that prisoners would make in the backs of their toilets in prison films. He says they hide a bunch of fruit in the back part of the toilet until it ferments and then they drink it. I m only about halfway sure I know what hooch is. I have viewed zero prison films.
Needless to say, this is a different crowd than I m used to.

Everyone laughs and looks at me like I m crazy and unsophisticated.
Empty Factory is the town where I live. It got its name from all the empty factories here. I think there are, like, nine sophisticated people in my town, and they re all in this room right now. It s intimidating to say the least. All the sophisticated people in this room would like to take all the empty factory spaces in our town and turn them into fair-trade coffee shops, art studios, and bistros with names like Allergy where you give the waiter a list of all your food allergies and the chef makes you a custom meal with a name like fennel and watercress salad with blistered shell bean bruschetta. He would then charge you $112.



A fair question to ask at this point is, Flex, why are you in a play?
It s a good question. Suffice it to say, the answer to this question is KK. She asked me to audition for the play, and I said yes because getting into the play meant I would be able to see her every day after school for about a month. KK is a girl who wears thick cable-knit sweaters and cutoff jean shorts over tights. She wears a lot of eye makeup, knits her own hats, and reads real books.
I may or may not be in love with her. I may or may not be dating her.

Dating is a complicated word. Pops says that dating (which is what he did back in the day) has been replaced by courtship, which means hanging around with the girl and her parents and her seven brothers before finally getting engaged. Or in extreme cases (and sometimes in our church), there s no dating or courtship, and you just wait for both sets of parents to low-key arrange your marriage. It s an amazing time to be alive.
Anyway, KK and I eat lunch together at school, sit together at church, text a little, and sometimes hang out after youth group. Maybe that means we re dating.


Also, they needed a guy in the play who weighed more than 45 pounds and could lift a prop sword, and whose neck could support the weight of a kingly crown. Football has provided me with nothing if not a strong neck and the ability to lift things.

The play is called The Winter s Tale by William Shakespeare, who I like to call Bill. I don t know a lot about Bill except that he seemed to like to use a hundred words where ten would suffice. Pops says this makes him not unlike our pastor. Also, I ve opted out of every reading assignment that has ever involved Bill Shakespeare. By opted out I mean failed to do.
NEMESIS
N eedless to say, auditioning for the play provided a bit of a surprise on the home front:

Excuse me? said my dad, still sweaty from a garage workout in his Lane College Football T-shirt.
In Pops s economy, plays are good only because they occasionally lead to movies, which he loves. He is a football coach and doesn t attend a lot of plays. By that I mean he doesn t attend any.
Pops, however, is nobody s fool.

He cocked an eyebrow and said: Flex, allow me to translate what you just said. He cleared his throat dramatically. Here s my translation: There s a girl I like who s in theater, and I want to audition for the play.
Sometimes that man sees right through me.

Pops then told me about how when he was in high school, he joined the science club just so he could take a trip to New York City because a girl he liked was in the science club.

I saw Phantom of the Opera on Broadway and was too chicken to ever talk to the girl. I learn something new about Pops every day.
He then cranked up Guns N Roses and started pressing a barbell with 150 pounds on it over his head.

He didn t hear me because Guns N Roses.

Being in a play is hard because it s causing me to spend a lot of time around my nemesis, who all of us in the football community call Actor Boy. Actor Boy transferred to our school last year from the University School of Empty Factory (USEF). USEF is a high-end private arts and sciences academy where students wear a dark-blue polo shirt with the school crest emblazoned on it. They probably drink hot tea with their pinky fingers sticking out.

I pick a school nemesis each year based on the following very shallow criteria.
1. My school nemesis is usually more affluent than me. They have more money and nicer clothes.