Mindfulness Solution for Intense Emotions , livre ebook

“Cedar Koons has written a thorough, practical workbook for people with intense emotions. Often mindfulness skills seem mysterious, and explaining them to another person is like trying to help someone understand what chocolate tastes like when they have never tasted it before. Koons bridges the gap between Eastern/Buddhist practice and a way to know and regulate intense emotions by providing the reader with concrete examples, case stories, and practices. I will recommend this book to all of my emotionally intense clients.”
— Shari Manning, PhD , founding partner of the Treatment Implementation Collaborative, LLC, a group that provides dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) training, consultation, and supervision worldwide; and practicing DBT therapist of over twenty years who was trained by Marsha Linehan, PhD
“A seasoned expert in both dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) and mindfulness, Cedar Koons has packed a ton of wisdom into this book. She brings the material alive with vivid writing and her use of illustrative case examples and practical mindfulness exercises. Even more impressively, she unpacks concepts such as ‘wise mind’ in a way that is both true to DBT, and practical for readers who are first learning about DBT mindfulness skills. I would highly recommend this book for anyone struggling with intense, hard-to-tolerate emotions. Clinicians helping people with intense emotions will also benefit greatly from Cedar’s practical guidance on how to understand and use mindfulness skills.”
— Alexander L. Chapman, PhD, RPsych , professor of psychology at Simon Fraser University, president of the DBT Centre of Vancouver, and coauthor of The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook for Anger , The Borderline Personality Disorder Survival Guide , and The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook for Anxiety
“Reading Cedar’s wonderful book was an exercise in beginner’s mind. It is a reminder that there are infinite ways to practice mindfulness, and so the book will resonate with the person new to mindfulness as well as with the expert who is open to the richness of new teachings. By practicing the skills in this book, the result for the person struggling with intense emotions will be greater mastery and control of their experience; and the expert, too, if open to new learning, will continue to strengthen and broaden the delivery of skilled and compassionate care.”
— Blaise Aguirre, MD , medical director at McLean 3East Continuum of Care, assistant professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School, author of Borderline Personality Disorder in Adolescents , and coauthor of Mindfulness for Borderline Personality Disorder and Coping with BPD
“I highly recommend The Mindfulness Solution for Intense Emotions to anyone—Koons’s teaching, examples, and stories are so clear, engaging, and inspiring. If you are wondering which self-help book to buy, this is the one. It gets right to the heart of the matter!”
— Mitch Ditkoff , cofounder and president of Idea Champions, and author of Storytelling at Work
“Two things are certain: the path through suffering involves an active practice of mindfulness, and the way is much smoother and direct when guided by a skilled, compassionate, and astute teacher. Cedar Koons, a gifted writer, inspiring mindfulness practitioner, and dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) master, is just that person, and her book, The Mindfulness Solution for Intense Emotions , is just the road map many of us need to begin or strengthen our own mindfulness practice. Cedar’s deep wisdom about mindfulness and DBT resonates throughout each page—through story, vignette, explanation, and practical exercises. Her style is personal, accessible, and direct. For those of us who seek solace from suffering, to live freely with our eyes and hearts wide open, this book is for you!”
— Linda A. Dimeff, PhD , president and chief scientific officer at Evidence-Based Practice Institute in Seattle, WA; institute director at Portland DBT Institute in Portland, OR; and coeditor of Dialectical Behavior Therapy in Clinical Practice


Publisher’s Note
This publication is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information in regard to the subject matter covered. It is sold with the understanding that the publisher is not engaged in rendering psychological, financial, legal, or other professional services. If expert assistance or counseling is needed, the services of a competent professional should be sought.
Distributed in Canada by Raincoast Books
Copyright © 2016 by Cedar Koons
New Harbinger Publications, Inc.
5674 Shattuck Avenue
Oakland, CA 94609
www.newharbinger.com
Cover design by Amy Shoup
Acquired by Catharine Meyers
Edited by Susan LaCroix
All Rights Reserved
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data on file
For Prem Rawat
and for Eddie
Contents
Foreword
—Marsha M. Linehan
Introduction
Chapter 1: Using Mindfulness to Manage Your Emotions
Pervasive Emotion Dysregulation
Mindfulness for Severe Distress
Mindfulness Becomes a Skill
What Is Mindfulness?
How Mindfulness Helps People with Emotion Dysregulation
Is Mindfulness a Religion?
Mindfulness and Mysticism—What’s the Connection?
Do I Have to Learn to Meditate?
Mindfulness and Flow
Twin Obstacles: Emotional Intensity and Emotional Avoidance
Reduce Emotional Intensity and Emotional Avoidance with Mindfulness
Mind Wandering Versus Present-Moment Awareness
Chapter 2: What Is Your State of Mind?
Reasonable Mind and Emotion Mind
The Brain and States of Mind
Identifying Reasonable Mind
When Reasonable Mind Is Out of Balance
Practices to Strengthen Reasonable Mind
Why We Need Emotions
Identifying Emotion Mind
Situations That Make Us More Likely to Enter Emotion Mind
Why Some People Are More Vulnerable to Emotion Mind: The Biosocial Theory
Emotional Vulnerability
The Invalidating Environment
Chapter 3: Find Your True Self: Wise Mind
The Problem: “Who Am I?”
The Solution: Wise Mind
Recognizing Wise Mind
Accessing Wise Mind: The Process
Acting from Wise Mind
The Obstacle: Intense Emotions Obscure Wise Mind
Overcoming Obstacles to Wise Mind with Dialectics
Absolutist Thinking
Relativistic Thinking
Dialectical Thinking
Adopting a Dialectical Worldview
Increasing Your Connection with Wise Mind Through Dialectical Practice
Strengthening Wise Mind with Daily Practice
Chapter 4: See Reality As It Is: Observing
The Problem: Inability to See What Is
The Solution: Observing
Observe Sensations
Observe Thoughts
Observe Emotions
The Obstacles: Autopilot, Emotional Avoidance, and Dissociation
Autopilot
Emotional Avoidance
Dissociation
Overcoming Obstacles with Observing
Observe with Unpleasant Sensations
Observe Complex, Difficult Thoughts
Observe Strong or Painful Emotions; Notice Subtle Ones
Chapter 5: Choose Your Words: Describing
The Problem: Words Can Hurt
The Solution: Describing
Describing Bodily Sensations
Describing Emotions
Describing Thoughts
The Obstacles: Not Sticking to Facts, Not Labeling Emotions
Making Inferences and Drawing Premature Conclusions
Evaluating from Emotion Mind
Difficulties Identifying and Labeling Emotions
Facial Expressions, Bodily Sensations, and Attentional Foci of Emotions
Overcoming Obstacles by Describing Inner Experiencing
Identifying Unwanted Thoughts
Using “Teflon Mind”
Reducing Self-Invalidation
Strengthening the Skill of Describing Inner Experiences
Overcoming Obstacles by Using Describing to Communicate
Nonviolent Communication
The DBT Interpersonal Effectiveness Skills
Chapter 6: Join the Dance: Participating
The Problem: Feeling Outside the Circle of Life
The Solution: Participating
Make an Intention
Accept Risk
Practice
Let Go of the Outcome
The Obstacles: Avoidant Behavior and Impulsive Behavior
Overcoming Obstacles with Behavioral Activation
Increasing Pleasant Activities
Increasing Mastery Activities
Chapter 7: Nonjudgment Day Is Coming
The Problem: Judgments Intensify Emotions
The Solution: Nonjudgment
Assume a Nonjudgmental Position
Observe and Describe the Judgments
Focus on the Consequences
Don’t Judge the Judging!
The Obstacle: Distinguishing Judgments from Preferences, Values, and Discernment
Chapter 8: The Power of Focus: One-Mindfully in the Moment
The Problem: Multitasking Makes Us More Vulnerable
The Solution: One-Mindfully in the Moment
The Obstacle: Problems with Executive Functioning
Overcoming the Obstacle: Acting in Awareness
Chapter 9: Get Your Goal: Acting Effectively
The Problem: Emotions Distract You from Your Wise Mind Goal
The Solution: Effectiveness
The Obstacles: Ten Ineffective Habits of Emotion Mind
Overcoming Obstacles by Playing by the Rules
Accept Reality as It Is
When the Rules Are Unclear, Check Your Values
Refer to Rule #1, Even When You Don’t Want To, or Accept the Consequences
Acting Effectively Pulls It All Together
Chapter 10: Letting Go of Suffering Through Acceptance
The Problem: Life Is Painful
The Four Noble Truths
Deliverance: A Story
The Solution: Willingness, Turning the Mind, and Radical Acceptance
Willingness
Turning the Mind
Radical Acceptance
The Obstacles: Willfulness and Clinging
Creating a Synthesis: Mindfulness Skills and the Eightfold Path
Chapter 11: The Journey Continues
Recognizing Your Thirst
Finding Your Path and Teacher
The Path
The Teacher
The Community
What About My Religion?
Next Steps: Effort and Grace
Acknowledgments
Resources
Books
Websites
References
Foreword
Practically everyone has struggled with strong emotions at some time during their lives. Emotional turmoil often accompanies life events like divorce, serious illness, or long-term unemployment. For some people, however, emotional suffering can feel constant and overwhelming, because their emotions are particularly intense and diff