Mending on Mission , livre ebook

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Mending on Mission: A Companion for Injured Leaders: How to Survive the Fall and Rise Up Stronger
Published by Gatekeeper Press
2167 Stringtown Rd, Suite 109
Columbus, OH 43123-2989
www.GatekeeperPress.com
Copyright 2021 by Rebecca Denny
All rights reserved. Neither this book, nor any parts within it may be sold or reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without permission in writing from the author. The only exception is by a reviewer, who may quote short excerpts in a review.
Library of Congress Control Number: 2021946503
ISBN (paperback): 9781662919190
eISBN: 9781662919206
Mending on Mission
Dedication:
To all the gifted leaders and families of leaders
who sacrifice daily to serve others yet have been shoved down, fallen, or will soon fall.
May we fall well.
And might we lead again with assurance that even when our greatest fears are realized,
God turns brokenness into beauty.
Table of Contents
Prologue
Chapter 1: Shattered Pieces
Chapter 2: What Do I Do?
Chapter 3: Coping with Grief (Part 1)
Chapter 4: Coping with Grief (Part 2)
Chapter 5: Unmet Needs
Chapter 6: Coping with the Pain
Chapter 7: Dealing with Betrayal, Injustice, and Silence
Chapter 8: Suffering Toxic Leadership
Chapter 9: The Enneagram
Chapter 10: Triggers
Chapter 11: Parenting through Trauma
Chapter 12: Untangling Resentment
Chapter 13: In Between Seasons and Beta Blessings
Chapter 14: Conquering Grief (Part 3)
Chapter 15: Forgiveness
Chapter 16: Finding Your Purpose Again
Chapter 17: Mended Anew
Epilogue
Acknowledgements:
Resources
Prologue
S erving as a leader, or the spouse of a leader, can be described in many ways: rewarding, challenging, painful, sacrificial, ever changing, unpredictable, overwhelming, and often lonely. There might be a perk or two involved, but let s be honest-most of the time it s HARD. There are realities you know but can t share, burdens that are not yours but must carry, relationships you wish you could have or avoid, dearest friends you find and then have to leave, or friends you thought were your people but lose due to conflict or sin. Inevitably, you will experience betrayal, failure, and loss.
For those drawn to leadership, certain roles often appear impressive and exciting at first. The thrill of making a difference, serving in your sweet spot, using your God-given gifts, or supporting a spouse in this way is an amazing feeling. Most feel the thrill of anticipation and hope of a fulfilling joy that comes from these opportunities.
But leadership also costs. And it s not just the leader who must foot the bill. It affects marriages and families in countless ways.
Consequently, I haven t met too many partners who are thrilled to sign up for this type of sacrifice. And once you ve been burned, it s even harder to get excited about this level of service long-term.
So why do it? Why EVER lead or invest again?
When we experienced our first life changing betrayal, it cut deep and wide. It hurt not only because of the pure shock of it or what we lost as a result but also because of what it cost our family to invest in the first place. We gave up our lives for these people and were betrayed, seemingly without a second thought. As part of our mending, a wise friend and ordained gift from God during this awful season asked my husband, So are you a wounded warrior, or are you done? He was referencing a book he d read during his wounded warrior experience and proceeded to share something foundational.
He shared that every leader experiences moments when they have to decide if this is what takes them off the mission, or if the trial that feels like a failure will make them stronger. In fact, most leaders decide it s not worth the pain, loss, or sacrifice and decide to do something else . . . maybe just for a season, maybe forever. He went on to say:
It usually depends on who surrounds them and if they are willing to begin the hard work of mending. If they do the work, they will be more successful toward their mission than they could have possibly been without this hardship. God uses these leaders in mighty ways.
This book is for anyone who has been injured on mission. No one should have to walk this road alone, but that s often exactly where strong, effective leaders find themselves. Why? Because Satan knows the influence these leaders have. Our enemy works hard to isolate, cover the truth, immobilize, and convince us to give up.
Were you threatened? Did you have to sign a nondisclosure? Were you forced to be silent about others wrongdoing? Did people, who you thought were your people, disappear without a word or response? In your hardest moments did they decide their own safety and lies were more important to protect than telling the truth? Or maybe the accusations are true and for the sake of family or career you feel like you have to bury what happened.
What injuries are you tending?
The incredibly promising news is that we have options, fellow warriors. How we choose to walk through this rocky terrain determines our mending.
And you can be confident of this: Our enemy, the Great Deceiver, wants you to stay broken and ashamed.
He much prefers you in isolation, afraid to leave your house, fearful of the next interaction, distracted by work so that you don t have time to do the mending, or brushing things under the rug so you don t have to feel your way through the hurt to heal. Pretending all is well is likely his action plan for you.
How has he tried to shame your brokenness?
The truth is, Jesus was the ultimate example of the beauty and power that comes from brokenness. Satan thought he had won when the Lamb of God was broken for our sins, but God knew resurrection and restoration was coming. What Satan means for our destruction, God uses for our good.
Nothing is wasted in God s economy.
The most valuable truth is that while this book was written to be a companion to the broken, I ve learned only God can truly meet you in your moment of need. He is the only one who can heal you. Even if no one showed up, He would be enough. He loves us so much and wants us to meet Him face-to-face in our pain. Sometimes, He also sends messengers. I pray this text serves the purposes God has for your situation. Without the work of the Holy Spirit, these are just words on a page.
So if you are broken and bruised, burned and betrayed, this confidential community of women mending on mission is for you. God has something so much stronger and more beautiful for you on the other side of this insanely hard thing. And if you can even imagine it, He has so much for you in the midst of this hard thing. Arm yourself with the Word of God, some helpful resources, and women who are no longer isolated and paralyzed in their pain.
As my sweet, gentle sister reminded me many times during my mending, Dying is part of rising, dear one. Take heart. Resurrection is coming.
We are so glad you re here and we look forward to joining you in this journey of redeeming the pieces you presently find shattered at your feet. Whether you re a wounded warrior or just need a break, your loving Father is not done with you!
Rebecca xoxo
Chapter 1: Shattered Pieces
I don t believe I will ever forget the traumatic details of the day my life shattered to pieces. Sometimes I still catch myself replaying it in my mind from the very first scene. It was a Tuesday afternoon, around four thirty. I was in the storage closet finding a gift bag to wrap a small gift I d purchased for my husband when he suddenly walked through the garage door looking like he d seen a ghost.
You re home early! I said. I wasn t expect-
We need to talk, let s go upstairs was all he could say. His eyes were red and his expression blank. I followed him up the stairs as my survival instincts kicked in, and I began to feel the walls closing in around me. What was happening?
After we closed the doors so the boys couldn t hear, we sat on the couch and time moved in slow motion. I could hear and feel my heartbeat pulsing through my body.
He said, I know this move has been hard on you, and the administration here has been difficult. It hasn t been what they promised. I ve done everything to try to make it work, but I resigned today. They came to me with lies to protect certain others from their own poor decisions. I want no part of it. Resigning and signing a nondisclosure is the only way out that protects our family. I know you never wanted to come here. If you want to leave me after all this move has put you through, I understand. You were right. I m so sorry.
Shattered.
The shock set in immediately. I was struggling to process. I didn t understand. How could I have sent my boys off to their first day of school just yesterday under a literal rainbow of promise, and today feel like all the promises had been broken?
Then came the questions. These were questions I would wrestle with for weeks and months.
How could this happen? How could they get away with it? We just built our forever home and moved in two months ago. I vowed I would never move again. How could they do this without due process, without telling the board the truth? Could we fight it? What about the boys finishing the school year? It was AUGUST. How would my husband find another job this time of the year? What were our legal rights?
I found myself repeating out loud, Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. What are we going to do?
Utter shock. We had given up a beautiful life out of state to come and serve at this school. We said goodbye to family and friends. We spent months preparing for the move. We sold our house with a pool and ch