The War on Moms , livre ebook

Table of Contents
 
Title Page
Dedication
Copyright Page
Acknowledgements
Introduction
 
Chapter 1 - Falling
Chapter 2 - Supermom Returns
Chapter 3 - ’Til Dishes Do Us Part
Chapter 4 - The Problems We Wish We Had
Chapter 5 - Testing the Bootstraps
Chapter 6 - Congratulations, Now Back to Work
Chapter 7 - Good Day Care Is Hard to Find
Chapter 8 - The Elusive Part-Time Solution
Chapter 9 - Baby Strike
Chapter 10 - The Blame Game
 
Epilogue
Notes
Index

For my mother, Helen
Copyright © 2010 by Sharon Lerner. All rights reserved
Published by John Wiley & Sons, Inc., Hoboken, New Jersey Published simultaneously in Canada
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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data:
Lerner, Sharon, date.
The war on moms : on life in a family-unfriendly nation/Sharon Lerner.
p. cm.
Includes bibliographical references and index.
eISBN : 978-0-470-58308-1
1. Working mothers—United States. 2. Stay-at-home mothers—United States. 3. Motherhood—United States. 4. Women—Employment re-entry—United States. 5. Choice (Psychology) I. Title.
HQ759.48.L49 2010 306.874’3—dc22 2009031384
Acknowledgments
The best part of writing this book has been the many great people who have shepherded it—and me—through the process. First and foremost, I owe my thanks to the dozens of women (and a few men) from across the country who took the time, trouble, and courage to speak to me about their lives. If they hadn’t found ways to meet me on their breaks from work, call me at nap time, invite me into their homes and workplaces, and otherwise go to great lengths to fit me into their busy schedules, this book would not exist.
I am extremely grateful to my editor, Eric Nelson, who has remained committed to this book throughout its many incarnations and has drawn on his substantial creative powers to get the issues covered here read by a wide audience. Thanks also to my agent, Heather Schroder, and her crew at International Creative Management, who have shown great generosity to me and to this project.
I am indebted to all the people who made my research trips possible, providing everything from maps and meals to rides to the airport. Barbara Weinstein and Linda Carmona Sanchez gave me extraordinary guided tours of Florida childcare centers. Mary Westly, Susan Hill, and Betty Thompson were wonderfully trusting and helpful in Mississippi. Anmarie Widener shared her vast knowledge of the Netherlands. Nicolette and Flor Bunnik graciously welcomed my entire hungry and tired family into their Amsterdam home. Susan Loubet in New Mexico arranged important meetings as well as a family trip to the Albuquerque Zoo.
I also appreciate the many knowledgeable people who helped me find and understand the research I’ve reported on here, from the experts in the census bureau, who spent inordinate amounts of time on the phone explaining various statistics, to those who dug up data and crunched numbers at my request. Though I can’t name everyone, I’d like to credit a few individuals: Matt Broaddus of the Center for Budget and Policy Priorities, Andrew White at the Center for New York City Affairs, Jocelyn Mazurkiewicz at the Labor-Management Project, Wendy Chavkin at the Columbia School of Public Health, David Cotter of Union College, Ron Rindfuss at the Carolina Population Center, Sophia Lee, and Malin Eberhard-Gran.
I am thankful to Francine Deutsch, Danielle Ewen, and Anmarie Widener for their comments on earlier drafts of this work; Jodi Levin-Epstein at the Center for Law and Social Policy for her guidance throughout the process, and to the Annie E. Casie Foundation for its support. The editing work of Betsy Reed and Alex Star helped shape the chapters on child care and the “international motherhood experiment,” respectively. I also thank Jessica Dickson for her meticulous help with fact-checking and footnotes and Ellen Bilofsky for her careful reading.
I have been lucky to share an office with Holly Morris, who supplied me with much-needed lunch, heat, and encouragement throughout much of the writing process. My sister Marcia Lerner gave of her considerable editing expertise. Her read was thoughtful, meticulous, and astoundingly quick. I thank Karen Cook for her critical eye and for her friendship. Yuko Uchikawa lent her impeccable design sense and positive attitude. Toby Cox has been, as always, a trusty and supportive friend both on the road and at home. I am fortunate that countless others have also been tolerant and kind with me throughout this process, including Kate Milford, Rose Thomson, Nina Harris, and my sister Rachel Lerner.
I am especially grateful to all the child-care providers who made my work possible. My particular thanks to Angelica Roldos and her crew, whose home-based care was the most accommodating and loving I’ve ever encountered, and to the indefatigable Benjamin Schultz-Figueroa. Finally, I owe my deepest gratitude to my family. Life with Sam and Elijah offers daily humbling reminders of the reasons people still attempt to “do it all.” Lucas Dreamer has been far more patient, caring, and accepting throughout the research and writing of this book than I ever imagined possible. He is a reader, listener, booster, father, and partner extraordinaire (and, for the record, a far neater person than I).
Introduction
With a sleeping baby strapped to her and a two-year-old loosely orbiting her knees, Angela could be the poster mom for carefree child-raising—at least from afar. As the summer sunlight angles down in the playground around them, Angela’s older child laughs, seemingly at nothing other than the delight of treating her mother’s legs like a maypole. From time to time, the baby briefly peeks out from his cocoon before pressing his face back into his mother’s chest.
The only one in this idyllic tableau who doesn’t seem content is Angela. From up close, it’s clear her mind is elsewhere. Her fine features are arranged in a distracted grimace and she heaves a heavy sigh or two before she speaks. It’s no wonder. With her maternity leave about to end, Angela just learned that she ’ll have to choose between working full -time and quitting. Although she had put in four-day weeks in the human resources department of a big bank for two years before her second child was born, her boss told her that this option was no longer available. Now, she would either have to be away from her children some fifty hours a week or give up her job entirely—along with the much-needed income and health insurance it provided her and her children.
Some choice!
Angela is not the only one facing such unviable “options.” Perhaps you yourself work so hard, you don’t have enough time for your family, let alone for yourself. On the other hand, you might have ample time with your children but feel edged out of professional life, unable to earn any money—or enough of it to avoid sinking into a financial hole. Or maybe you work hard and still find yourself barely getting by. Any of these scenarios is common. What’s far less likely is that you have both financial stability and all of the time you need to care for your family. That’s because such balance has become a rare privilege in this country. And while it’s easy to feel personally responsible for failing to achieve the elusive mix of work and family within your own life, the problem is far bigger than you—or than Angela, whatever decision she makes.
To say there is a sinister plot against American women is both overblown and exactly right. Technically speaking, there is no War on Moms, of course. There is no concerted effort to kill or maim women who have children. But if some sinister think tank had spent the last thirty years cooking up the ideal way to make American women miserable, it likely couldn’t have served up more unpleasantness than women now encounter on a daily basis.
Looking only at our nation’s current employment figures, you might think the problem of gender inequity had been solv