Punch, or the London Charivari, Vol. 93, September 24, 1887

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The Project Gutenberg eBook, Punch, or the LondonCharivari, Vol. 93, September 24, 1887, by Various,Edited by F. C. (Francis Cowley) BurnandThis eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and withalmost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away orre-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License includedwith this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.orgTitle: Punch, or the London Charivari, Vol. 93, September 24, 1887Author: VariousEditor: F. C. (Francis Cowley) BurnandRelease Date: July 19, 2008 [eBook #26089]Language: EnglishCharacter set encoding: ISO-8859-1***START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI, VOL. 93,SEPTEMBER 24, 1887*** E-text prepared by Neville Allen, Malcolm Farmer,and the Project Gutenberg Online Distributed Proofreading Team(http://www.pgdp.net) PUNCH,OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.VOLUME 93SEPTEMBER 24, 1887.RECORD OF THE SESSION—422.RECORD OF THE SESSIONAkers-Douglas }Colonel Walrond } Dead Heat.Baron Henry De Worms }SALUBRITIES ABROAD.Royat Improved.—I have said Royat ought to be rebuilt. The Grand Hotel is of a sort of Doll's House order ofarchitecture, splendid front, no depth to speak of, and built on so steep an ascent that it is hoisted up at the back likea lady's skirt by a dress-improver. Beau site all the same, and magnificent view.Last year the Hotel Continental formed part of a group of hotels—which seemed to have been the result of ...

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Language: EnglishCharacter set encoding: ISO-8859-1*P*U*SNTCAHR, TO OR FT THHE EL PORNODJOENC TC HGAURTIEVANRBIE, RVGO LE. B9O3,OKSEPTEMBER 24, 1887*** E-text prepared by Neville Allen, MalcolmFarmer,and the Project Gutenberg OnlineDistributed Proofreading Team(http://www.pgdp.net) PUNCH,COHR ATRHIEV ALROI.NDONVOLUME 93SEPTEMBER 24, 1887.

RECORD OF THE SESSION—422.RECORD OF THE SESSIONAkers-Douglas }Colonel Walrond } Dead Heat.Baron Henry De Worms }SALUBRITIES ABROAD.Royat Improved.—I have said Royat ought to berebuilt. The Grand Hotel is of a sort of Doll's Houseorder of architecture, splendid front, no depth to speakof, and built on so steep an ascent that it is hoisted upat the back like a lady's skirt by a dress-improver.Beau site all the same, and magnificent view.Last year the Hotel Continental formed part of a groupof hotels—which seemed to have been the result ofsome violent volcanic eruption, when the mountainthrew up several hotels, and left them there anyhow—is at present separated from the Splendide and itsother former companions by an impromptu wall, andfrom all its front windows it commands varied,beautiful, and, on the Clermont-Ferrand side,extensive views. It has a pleasant garden, a mostenjoyable terrace, and it only wants to be in the handsof a firmly fixed and intelligent management to make itquite the best hotel in Royat. "Personallyrecommended," that is, as managed under thedirection of M. Hall this year.

The service at the Etablissement de Bains is about asgood as it can be. There are, however, no bains deluxe. A few of these would attract those "whom" as theappeals to the charitable used to have it, "Providencehas blessed with affluence.""La Compagnie Brocard," which manages Royat'sbathing arrangements and undertakes a portion of themild yet (to my mind as a serious bather) sufficientamusements, is not, unfortunately for the public, inaccord with M. Samie, the spirited Proprietor of anopposition Casino, where there is a small theatre, in itsway a perfect gem. Here all the "Stars" of anymagnitude make their appearance on visiting Royat.As a "Baigneur de Royat" puts it, in a local journal, theCompagnie Brocard cannot consider their stuffy littleroom ("le petit étouffoir") where theatricalperformances are given as a real theatre. It is a pitythat M. Samie and La Compagnie Brocard cannot, likethe "birds in their little nests," agree. But as toTheatres and spectacles, my rule at Royat, or at anyother Water-cure place, would be this:—"Any baigneur found out of his hotel or lodgings after10'15, p.m., shall be arrested, conducted back to hishotel, his number taken, and for the second offencehe shall be fined. The fine to go to such objects as theDirection shall determine."IUnn isvheorrsti ttyh esryes tsehmo uolfd Pbreo icnttorrosd auncde db uhlel-rdeo tghse. EnglishAnother Rule.—No theatrical entertainment should last

more than two hours with entr'actes of seven minuteseach. The ventilation of the salle de spectacle shouldbe assured.If a company wanted to play a piece in four Acts, theymust stop here two days; and, if they couldn't do that,then they must begin their performance in theafternoon, have one entr'acte of an hour and a half toallow for dinner, and recommence at eight o'clock. Iwould discourage all evening indoor entertainments.Music, coffee, petits chevaux, M. Guignol's show,ombres chinoises, everything in fact that can be doneal fresco—(and why not good plays al fresco? Afterthe Laboucherian Midsummer Night's Dream, atTwickenham, which I am told was perfection)—caféschantants, and so forth, including the "consommationdevoutly to be wished," and all the lights out by 9.30.Lights in bedrooms to be extinguished same hour.This rule would mean, Early to bed, and early to rise,and the "baigneurs" would receive double the benefitthey derive from these places, as now constituted. Lifein the open air should be the rule; plenty of exercise,riding and walking, and regular hours for everything forthree weeks. The baigneurs to choose their ownhours, and be kept to them strictly.But I have personally no sympathy with the baigneurswho find such a water-cure place as Royat dull. Whatdo they want? If they cannot get on without a sort ofcontinuation of the London Season, let them stayaway altogether. Don't let them come and make nighthideous with balls, suppers, dances, and won't-go-

home-till-morning parties.The above are my suggestions for the improvement ofRoyat; and now I go on to La Bourboule, and MontDore. By the way, the waters at these places are allsupplied, as I am credibly informed, from the samesource; but the waters flowing towards La Bourbouleand Mont Dore traverse certain couches on their way,and come out arsenical. It is strong drinking at LaBourboule and Mont Dore.One Joanne Guide introduces you to another JoanneGuide, or a history, you can't help yourself. TheJoanne Guides are so united a family, that as soon asany member of it establishes itself on a friendly footingwith you, your hand is always in your pocket while youare travelling on that Guide Joanne's account. Aninsidious tribe: and they make themselves absolutelyessential to the traveller's existence and comfort.Each Guide Joanne tells you about his own country allthat is requisite for you to know, and just so muchmore as inspires you with a thirst for furtherinformation. Say for example you see an old Château.Let us say Le Château de Jean. You want to knoweverything about it. Good. You inquire of the GuideJoanne which professes to show you all over France,and which does it, mind you, in what would be anexhaustive style if it was not written with such anevident eye to the bookselling business. For examplesuppose you are looking for information about the

well-known ancient Château de Jean, here is aspecimen of what Joanne would say on the subject:—"Sur la rive g. (V. ci-dessous B.) restes d'un château,style ogival, (mon. hist.,) bâti par le célèbre JeanBienconnu-aux-enfants (V. mon. hist, xe et xiie s.),beau portail, jolis détails d'architecture (mon. hist.) eten particulier l'appartement dit de la Donzelle toutedésespéré (pour le visiter, s'addresser au gardien,pourboire), qui a conservé une grande partie de sadécoration originale et de sa peinture (mon. hist. xie).Le donjon renfermait une oubliette profonde nomméeDU RAT DÉVORANT, qui autrefois servait de grenierau malt (V. mon. hist.). Ascension des Obélisques surla terrasse (splendide panorama) et bellespromenades autour de la petite chapelle dite DUPRÊTRE CHAUVE. (V. vi. L'Itinéraire du Pays-de-Bonnes, Guide Diamant.)"AN END OF THE SUMMER.Jupiter Pluvius,Sluicer, full-spout,Downpour diluvious,Pumped on the Drought.Checked, aloud crying,The voice of the Swain;

The rootcrops be dying,From long lack of rain!Pluvius poured away,While the wind blew;Tonans, he roared away,Hullaballoo,Kicking up, dwellerIn quarters on high,He, Cloud Compeller;The Czar of the sky.Clouds, in convulsion,Or calm, he keeps under;Rules, by compulsion:The reason of thunder.So did he latelyCompel them to rise,Piled up in statelyArray on the skies.

Castles aërial,Splendid when falls,Sheen on etherialVapoury halls,Battlements, bartizans,Phantoms of towers,Fenced round with partisans;Cloud-cauliflowers.Mountainous formsIn the realms of felicity,By Jove, to move storms,Fraught with force—electricity,They serve to betokenWhat mortals may tell;The weather is broken:Summer, farewell!Light from Wind.The Times says that experiments are being made at

Cap de la Hève, near the mouth of the Seine, on theproduction of electricity for lighthouse purposes bymeans of the force obtained by windmills. Light fromwind! Could the notion be applied at St. Stephen's?The Session just over has been mainly wind, soexceptionally "ill wind," that it has blown no good toanybody, and most certainly has thrown no "light" onanything. By all means let M. De L'Angle-Beaumanoirbe empowered to experiment on the windbags of theHouse of Commons when they next meet.QUITE ENGLISH.(New Version, as Sung by the Comte de Paris.)QUITE ENGLISH.Here I come in complete Constitutional coat(That's English, you know; quite English, you know):The type of true Monarchy based on the Vote.(That's English, you know; quite English, you know.)To have a legitimate King on the throne,To make all the Country's best interests his own,Great, grand, patriotic, but not overgrown(That's English, you know; quite English, you know).Chorus.

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