How to Marry Well

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The Project Gutenberg EBook of How to Marry Well, by Mrs. HungerfordThis eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it,give it away or re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online atwww.gutenberg.netTitle: How to Marry WellAuthor: Mrs. HungerfordRelease Date: December 25, 2008 [EBook #27624]Language: English*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK HOW TO MARRY WELL ***Produced by Daniel Fromont[Transcriber's note: Mrs. Hungerford (Margaret Wolfe Hamilton) (1855?-1897) "How to marry well" (from The Ladies'Home Journal vol. VII No IV Philadelphia March 1890 p.6)]The DuchessHow to marry wellSome girls start in life with the idea that to snub the opposite sex is the surest way of bringing it to their feet. All suchimaginings are vain! A man may be amused by the coquettish impertinences of a girl, he may even be attracted by itto a certain extent, but in the end he feels repulsion, and unless it be the exception that proves the rule, hastens awaypresently to lay his name and fortune at the disposal of some more modest girl.To marry well is the note that strikes more clearly on the brain of the débutante's mother than on the ear of thatinteresting person herself. A girl starting in life feels all the world is before her where to choose. She gives, indeed,too little thought to the subject. She comes fresh from the schoolroom into the crowded ...

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Wolfe Hamilton) (1855?-1897) "How to marry well"(from The Ladies' Home Journal vol. VII No IVPhiladelphia March 1890 p.6)]The DuchessHow to marry wellSome girls start in life with the idea that to snub theopposite sex is the surest way of bringing it to theirfeet. All such imaginings are vain! A man may beamused by the coquettish impertinences of a girl,he may even be attracted by it to a certain extent,but in the end he feels repulsion, and unless it bethe exception that proves the rule, hastens awaypresently to lay his name and fortune at thedisposal of some more modest girl.To marry well is the note that strikes more clearlyon the brain of the débutante's mother than on theear of that interesting person herself. A girl startingin life feels all the world is before her where tochoose. She gives, indeed, too little thought to thesubject. She comes fresh from the schoolroom intothe crowded drawing-room, thinking only how bestto enjoy herself. The thought of marriage, if near,is yet so far, that it hardly interferes with herpleasure in the waltz, the theatre, or the eternalafternoon tea.

It is a pity that the educational standard fixed foryoung girls now-a-days is of so low an order. Asmattering of French, a word or two of German, anidea of what music really means, as gained from athree years' acquaintance with scales andmovements, and songs without words—this is all!There is, of course, a good deal of reading withscientific masters that serves only to puzzle thebrains half given to the matter in hand, and thenthe girl is emancipated from the schoolroom, andlet loose upon society to "be settled in life," saysMamma.Some of these girls do marry well—surprisingly so!But they are amongst the few. As for the rest, theymake their own lives and their husband's a burdento them. Without having time given them to maturetheir ideas, these latter are hurried into matrimonywhile still children, without having formed aconception of the terrible responsibility thatattaches itself to every human soul who agrees tojoin itself to another.These latter do not make good matches in any onesense of the word. The struggling barrister, theclerk, the curate, the brainless masher—such aretheir prey; and if they make richer prizes thanthese, still the match cannot be called good;presently there is dis-union as the clever husbandfinds the pretty but nonsensical wife utterly unableto follow him through the paths of life that Fate hasopened out to him.It is a common idea that men care only for beauty,

and are to be attracted by no lesser virtue—iftvhirattu ee vite nm tahye beea rcliaellsetd .o fT ohiusr itsh ian kmeross th garso lsasi de rbraorre.What says Thomas Carew: "But a smooth and steadfast mind, Gentle thoughts and calm desires, Hearts with equal love combined, Kindle never-dying fires:— Where these are not, I despise Lovely cheeks or lips or eyes."We see, then, that there are things more desirableto the masculine mind than the mere charms of theflesh. To be beautiful is a good thing, for which weshould thank Nature—to be attractive, morally,rather than physically, is, however, a thing forwhich we should thank Nature even more, if she begood enough to have endowed us with that lastingquality. Let a girl learn once for all that her littleschoolgirl airs and graces can please only theunintellectual of her set, that to make a goodmatch, in the most noble sense of the word, is toform herself to be the equal of the man shemarries, and all will be right. I speak advisedly,because a girl who has the courage to so plan outher future is very unlikely to wed with any save themost desirable of the other sex.But what is a good match? Does it mean a manwith money only, or position only, or intellect only,or only a capacity for being good humored undereach and every circumstance? The common

acceptation of the term means a man in such amoneyed position that he can place his wifeconsiderably above that of her friends, so far asmoney goes. And that is a very good thing too, sofar as it goes. But to be rich is not everything! Themerely sordid, the entirely uneducated can rise tothis height, but surely to make a good match one'shusband should be the possessor of somethingmore than money. He should be cultured, refined,intelligent, and therefore the girl who wishes tomate with him, should take care to be cultured andrefined herself. Half the bad matches in the worldare caused either by the educated womenmarrying the man thoroughly beneath her in allmoral qualities, or the man who has spent his lifecultivating his mind, falling a slave to the pettyfascination of a pretty woman who has only beautyto give him—nothing more!What girls should never forget is to be neat! Notprimly so, but daintily so. The girl well got up, withirreproachable gloves, and shoes that fit, thoughher gown be only cotton, yet if it be well turned out,may compete with the richest, while the slovenlydresser, who scorns or forgets to give attention todetails, is passed over by the discontented eye,though her gown may be a masterpiece of Worth.A girl should learn to put her gown on properly. Nocreature living takes more heed of externals thanyour orthodox man. He may not know the price,color, or material of your clothes, but he will knowto a nicety whether you are well or badly gowned.

One special point I would impress upon the girlwho desires, (as all girls do) to range themselveswell, to make a good marriage—is to be gentle.The craze for vivacity, for the free and easy stylethat border so closely on the manners of the demimonde that distinguished the society of ten yearsago has providentially died a natural death. Now-a-days, men are sensible enough to look for comfortin their married lives. And surely the knowledgethat one's future wife has a heart as tender as it issympathetic should, and does, go far to arrange aman's decision of who shall be the partner of hisdaily life.I was much struck by a little incident that occurredlast year, and helped to prove the truth of thisargument. I, amongst others, belonging to a largeparty who were waiting at a railway station for thetrain that was to carry us down to a garden party atone of the many lovely places on the Thames, sawan old man, a decrepit creature, bowed andpalsied, making his way to where the third-classcompartment would be. His arms were full ofbundles of various sizes. Coming near a truck, theold man, who was half blind, marched against theedge of it, and all his little bundles fell helplessly tothe ground. Most of the young people belonging toour party broke into an irresistible laugh. They werenot so much to be blamed. Youth will seeamusement in even trifles, but there was oneamongst us who did not laugh. The old man'schagrin seemed to touch her. She went quicklyforward, and as he groped nervously for hisparcels she lifted them one by one, and laid them

in his arms. She was not a strictly pretty girl, butthere was dignity and sweetness both in her faceand in her action. I noticed that a young man, oneof our party, watched her intently. He was rich,titled, one of the matches of the London season.Supreme admiration showed itself in his face. Hedemanded an introduction. I gave it. In six monthsthey were man and wife. She made a good match,and so did he, in every sense of the word.There is one last remark, however, and a vital one,that I must make. No match, howeverdistinguished either by money or position, can becalled a good one unless "love," who "is a greatMaster," be the very core of it.EMnadrr yo f Wtheell , Pbryo jeMcrt s.G Hutuenngbeerrfgo rEdBook of How to*E**B OENODK OHFO WT HTISO PMRAORJREYC TW GELULT *E*N*BERG*2*7*6**2 4T-h8i.sz ifipl e* *s*h**o uTldhi sb ea nnda malle da s2s7o6ci2a4t-e8d. tfxilt eosr ofhvtatrpi:o//uws wfowr.mguattes nwbilel rbg.e ofrogu/2n/d7 /in6:/2/27624/

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