Three Men and a Baby

Three

Men

and

Writtenby

COLINESERREAUand

JAMESORRand
JAMESCRUICKSHANK

November1986

a

FOREDUCATIONAL
PURPOSESONLY

Baby

1

FADEIN:

INT.AIRPLANE-DAY

THREEMENANDABABY

OnacharteredplaneflyingfromMiamitoNewarkAirport.

JACKisthecaptain.edisebdLAUPotteeasisHsicpoli
him.Inthe,abanielefampasercsengsgetsimaanmycits
celebratingahard-won,gloriousvictoryovertheMiami
team.Theyareg,inngsiinicgndnandesaaislhte
drinkingchampagne.

Intherearofthecabin,therearethreeregularpass-
engers:ateenager,his,erdanmaawhnpaoraepotsomht
beaBUSINESSMAN.

Theplaneisflyingoverthecoastline.

Thepartitionbetweenthecockpitandthepassengercabin
isopen.ckiaexcyviesrd.JteHecan'tstopturning
aroundtolookatthepassengers.

JACK
(toPaul)
OhmyGod!cIan'tbelievemy
eyes!oLkoatht!nemoweseWill
youlookatthegorgeouscalveson
them?!mteI'meg,uevinilloyg
anathleteanyday...OhGod!
Lookatthatredheadoverthere,
andlookatthatone!Christ,
Ihadn'tnoticedher.
(mimingaheart
attack)
Paul,I'vejustfallenmadlyin
lovewiththemostbeautiful
womanintheworld...

PAUL
(totally
uninterested)
Ohyeah?Whichone?

JACK
(asthoughabout
tokeelover)
Theblondeoverthere,she'stoo
gorgeousforwords.Justlookat
thoseeyes,lookatthose
shouldersandthewayshemoves.
I'minlove.Here,takeover,
I'llberightback.

1

2.

JackgetsupandPaultakeshisplaceatthecontrols.
Jackpuyhiswaskemashwothegirlthroughsia,eleht
areblockingtheway,totcoifaefsn.ctjeobeshifoht
Sheissittinginonesatdanngsiginfoehtlsiaese
herheadoff.ckleansoverandaJlkynadwhispers,quic
intensely,toher.

JACK
Hello.I'mthecaptainofthis
plane.MaykoyIsae?amnur

GIRL
Sure,mynameisJane.Why?

JACK
Listen,Jane,I'veseenmany
beautifulwomeninmylifebutI
sweartoyou,I'venever,ever
metawomanasyoatsesiuuixqe
are.

Jackkneelsdownbeforeher,andtheGirllooksathim,
amused.Hetakesherhandandplacesitoverhisheart.

JACK
Jane,canyoufeelmyheart?It's
pounding.Thisishorrible,I
thinkI'mgonnaniaf:enstLit.I'm
madlyeiwlvoniou,thyI'msingle
andhere'smyeunhpno.bmre

Hehandsherhisbusinesscard.

JACK
I'mputtingmyfateinyourhands.
Ifyoudon'tlla,em'uoymllkace
metheonmanableisertsmomearth.
ThisisnolineandI'mnottrying
togetyouintobed.Thisis
somethingcompletelydifferent.I
loveyouJaneandifyoucallmeI'll
bethehappiestmanintheentire
universe--thisis'loveatfirst
sight.'Outfituaebesehtllfoual
womenInoticedonlyyou,and...

TheGirllaughsasJackgoeson.ehBsu-iilwhte,anMe
nessmanwhowasseatedahselpnaearoftihnthere
gottenupandwalkedovertoJack.

AreyouPaul?

BUSINESSMAN

JACK
No,I'mnot.
(toJane)

3.

Myname'sJackandIliveina
fabulousitnaMnapaemtratnhnta
overlookingtheparkand...

BUSINESSMAN
Butyou'rethepilot,aren'tyou?
JACK
Yes,I'mthepilot...
(toJane)
...I'mnotevenaskingforyour
phonenumber...

BUSINESSMAN
Isn'tthereapilotwhosenameis
Paul?

JACK
(annoyed)
Yeah,thecopilot--he'sup
front...

TheBusinessmandisappearsinthedirectionofthe
cockpit.

JACK
(backtoJane)
I'mleavingitalluptoyou,
Jane,butifyoudogiveme
yourphonenumber,thenJane,
then...

TheBusinessmanhasreachedthecockpit.

BUSINESSMAN
(inalowtone)
AreyouPaul?

PAUL
(turningaround
nervously)
Yeah...AreyouJim?

Yeah.

BUSINESSMAN

HehandsPaulaman'spurse.

BUSINESSMAN
Here'syourcash.

PAUL
Whataboutthestuff?
BUSINESSMAN
Idon'thaveit.We'vegot
problems.Tooaehhcum.tToo

4.

risky.Wehtnikhtecopsare
ontous.

PAUL
Whaddayameanus?Youmeanme?

BUSINESSMAN
Imeanshutupandlisten.Two
guyswillbewaitingforyouin
ablackT-Bird,expectingthe
dope.ngi.meehrottsuJIt'll
bedeliveredtoyouonSunday
andpickeduptollohefgniw
Thursday,okay?

PAUL
ButIwon'tbehome,I'llbein
theairfortwoweeks.

BUSINESSMAN
That'syourproblem.Make
arrangements,adeal'sadeal.
Gotit!?

Gotit.

Jackreturns.

PAUL

JACK
(burstingwith
excitement)
Igotherphonenumber!Shegave
meherphonenumber!

BUSINESSMAN
That'ssomemagnificentview,
isn'tit?

JACK
It'swonderful--Lifeis
wonderful!

TheBusinessmangoesbacktohisseatandJackgrabs
holdofthemicrophone.

JACK
Thisisyourcaptainspeaking.In
honorofyourvictory,inhonorof
yourbeauty,andinhonorofJane,
themostbeautifulgymnastIhave
evermet.I'mgoingtogiveyoua
littledemonstrationofaviation
gymnastics--reservedonlyforthe
mostimportantguest,hip,hip...

Everyoneshouts"HOORAY!"exceptforPaulandthe

5.

2

Businessman,whoremaingrim.

Jackdipstheplaneverylowoverthewaterandskimsthe
cliffsalongthecoast.uaebufit,liItasimpressive
stunt.Thereareinamonggetlhfeelusohtusnitehcba
passengers.

INT.NEWARKAIRPORT-PASSENGERTERMINAL-DAY

JackissayinganemotionalgoodbyetoJaneassheleaves
withherteammates.yrennufativllfiesndanJy,but
Jacko.gerhngeisedctehwerlaylttoooksl

JackandPaulwalktowardtheexit.

JACK
God,whatawoman!

Paulisnervous,glancinguneasilyfromcartocar.

JACK
Wannashareacab?

Paul
Yeah,sure!

AblackFordpullsupinfrontofthemanditsdriver
looksatPaulwhoimmediatelyturnshisbackonhim.

JACK
She'ssobeautiful!I'venever
beensoinlovebefore.Canyou
believeshegavemeherphone
number...Oh,Christ--whereis
it?...Oh,no,ondt'tmeIell
lostit...ttreaam'tsIfelifo
anddeath...Ohhereitis--
thankGod!

AllthewhileJackhasbeenramblingon,abeigecar
ontheothersideofthestreethassloweddown.Paul
noticesit.nIehtiebcge,arnaaotrccisgane,tGAROTN,
isbehindthewheelwithoneoftingsitseugaellocsih
besidehim.

GRATON
They'reslowingdown.Takea
picture.

Thecolleaguesnapsapictureofeveryonewhohappensto
bestandingneartheblackFord,luncngdiilu.daPknaJca
TheblackFordpullsout.sowllforcaeigietb.ehT
Paulobservesalltihsuotfoesi.eyhetorcrnehof

PAUL
Listen,Ineedafavor,Igot

2

6.

alittleproblem.

JACK
Yeah,sure...Hey,look,willyou
--lookatthatsparklingbeauty.

Averybeautifulwomaniscomingdownthewalkwaywith
cartoverflowingwithluggage.tfomehllafseOnoff.

PAUL
Yeah...Imean,it'slike...
There'sthislittlepackage...

JACK
She'llnevermakeitwithall
thatluggageshe'sgot.Igotta
giveherahand.Lookatthe
colorsinherhair!Christ,I've
neverseenawomanlikeher
before...

He'sabouttowalkoffwhenPaulgrabshimbythearm.

PAUL
Jack,listen,canI...

JACK
Sureyoucan,noproblem...
Listen,Igottagonow,I'm
gonnaseebacahsaeri'ellfhs
withme.Youel,ehsuhtttatke
okay?

PAUL
ButIgottaexplaintoyou
about...

JACK
Comeovertomyplacetonight.
We'rehavinga.yCmoehugepart
around9,okay?Seeyalater.

Jackracestowardthewomanandbeginstohelpher
withlnellaf.egagguWetehseeingtoihmatklher
andwecanhearalittleofwhathe'ssaying.

JACK
Asexquisiteasyouare...
IthinkI'mgonnafaint.

Hekneels,takesherhandandputsitoverhisheart.
Theyoungwomanisflabbergasted.

Alonely-lookingPaulhailstheshuttlebus.

7.

3

INT.APARTMENT-NIGHT

Alarge,stylishlydecoratedapartmentinManhattan.
Am.oorngviliseremdnuoton.gniogs'ytrapAVery
LOUDJAZZisPLAYING.Thelightsaredim.Thereare
about30guests.Lotsmowytte.neofyoungprGourmet
buffet.raelpenigisttoneoProsuchcnagl,kioetshet
areeating,drinkingordancing.timidl-ylaIncorner,
Jackiskneelingbeforeiglra.riahcmraanningtiits
Sheislaughingasshelistenstohim.

JACK
(whispering
passionately)
ThisisnolineandI'mnot
tryingtogetyouintobed.This
issomethingcompletelydifferent.
Thisis'loversttfia.t'ishg
Oh,I'mL..methaoy.ppsogeteg
youhampagneassofclga.I'll
berightb